Was very pissed off just now, but now all I am is sad. I really dun wanna be the person I used to be. This really cold, bitter, full of hatred girl. I wish I can really forget and forgive. It has been years and yet I keep on getting affected by it. It still hurt badly thinking about all that happened. I wanna forget and forgive. I wanna. I can't take it anymore. I don't want hatred and anger to feel my heart. God forgive me and help me.

All we like sheep

Have gone astray

Each of us turning

Our own seperate way

We have all sinned and

Fallen short of Your glory

But Your glory is

What we desire to see

And in Your presense

Is where we long to be

O Lord show us

Your mercy and grace

Take us to Your holy place

Forgive our sin

And heal our land

We long to live

In your presense

Once again

Taking our sickness

Taking our pain

Jesus the sacrifice Lamb

Has been slain

He was despised

Rejected by men

He took our sin

Draw us near to You Father

Through Jesus Your Son

Let us worship before You

Cleansed by Your blood

Thank you Lord. It feels great to be in Your presense, in your arms. No more hatred and anger and sadness. Only Love. God is love.

Last Fri, went to the Biennale at Tanglin Camp. We took 174 and had to walk a long long long way. On the way, we found those red saga seeds. Haha Now I found another place to pick Saga seed. Used to pick them at Sentosa but apparently the place is gone. Well at least there is Tanglin.

Went to see the art works and I liked it. I like the fish tank one. Ellen gave me a fright there when her head suddenly popped up in the art work or rather in the fish tank but haha. Went down to the basement to try it out and wow it really feels like I am in a fish tank. I went up the other hole too and it is like been in a miniature garden. I took 2 photos of it with my hp camera but it turned out really really lousy. Like the 2nd photo. It's as if there is a mirror there.





Another interesting art work is the one where u have to enter the room, close the door and then stare at something in front of u and when your eyes finally adjust to the darkness, you see this gross and scary looking head image that seems to be moving in and out. Haha... apparently my night vision is not bad, I saw the image soon after ellen closes the door, took me less than 20secs for my eyes to adjust to darkness and see it. It was just like that. Ellen couldn't really make out what it was.

Anyway, there is this art work. It is called "Belief board" I think. I wrote my wish there. It be realy cool if someone really answer to it and really really could help out with that. I probably go tanglin camp and visit that art work again. Oh that reminds me I really love the art work that shows the drawings of primary sch kids of merlion and mob mob (dunno how to spell).

Lots of wonderful stuff there. Ended up buying a flower there and I got the belief cup. The words "belief" really appear when you pour hot water or anything hot in it. So cool! haha... I wonder how it is made.

Today went to church and guess who came... EE FUN!!! I havn't seen him for a long long long time and well, his fav colour is still red as usual. And guess wad AARON came too!!! But he left so soon. When they come to church, I am so hapy cos I missed them! It has been for a year since I last seen them. I really wished they could come to church every Sunday. They probably have their reasons for not coming. That I am not sure.

Anyway, took a picture today with some of my church mates. Ee Fun said he wanted a picture of us so that he wont't forget us. It really is a long time since all of us have got together and take a photo. Let's see, some of us are not in the photo but oh well. Photo is kinda small by the way. Anyway clockwise from left: Enoch (white adidas jacket guy), Wei Zong (black shirt, white sling bag), Zhan Yi (furthest from camera), Yi Cong (red and black strips shirt), Hwee Shan (yellow shirt gal), Zi Xuan (short hair, white shirt gal), Ri Sheng (white shirt guy), Si Hui (another yellow shirt gal but short hair), Ee Fun (red jacket, black cap), Hwee Min (white and blue strips shirt), Me (white long sleeve shirt), Ri Xin (sleeveless white top) and Si Xiu (pink top)

Wei Zong came too, well he come almost every Sunday. Haiz~ God, I wished that you heal his leg. The Decemeber marathon may be his last time he can ever run in a race. I really wished for a miracle to happen. But above all, let things go according to your will. I know you have a reason for this and I probably may not be able to understand it now but no matter what, I still put my faiith and trust in you that you take care of Wei Zong.

Wei Zong, you probably not know but I actually did cried when you told us about your leg condition. Really wanna see you be able to run even up till old age. Was really sad to hear about your leg condition. Do take care of yourself as you prepare for your marathon. God will be your source of strength. He will be with you through out the whole marathon. No matter how painful your leg might felt during the arathon, don't give up cos God didn't give up on you neither have I and neither did the rest of us too. Really hope for a miracle. Take care! I will always be your angel Haha. This is what happens when the you start an "Angel, mortal" game during camp. Take care! Will be praying for you. God bless you!!!

Anyway somehow or another... these few weeks, in church or outside of church, the topic of relationship between a christian and a non-christian keep popping up in my life. It just did a few hours ago during discipleship class and just now when Ellen asked me. I still hold on to my own set of rules, if I ever have a BF, it be a christian. I like something that Hui Nan said last week. I can't remember her exact words but well, it is along these few lines. The question that she answered was regarding this, what happens if that is the right guy but he is not a christian. This should be the question if I am not wrong. I like her answer , if that is the guy that God wants her to be with then " I have the whole eternity to wait". Haha Love that. It's true, I rather the guy be a christian and then I consider him. Afterall the relationship is not just between him and me but him, me and God. Can't have that if the guy does not have God. And I don't mind waiting, I have an eternity to do that. Haha

And I disagree that only wanting faithful christian guys as BF limits my choice. Nope not at all. In fact, it just makes my choice better. Not that non-christians are not good. That isn't what I meant. When I mean better, I mean more compatible with christian guys in terms of being able to grow spiritually, support each other in prayer and stuff like that. You can't do that with a non-christian guy. I will still stick to what I believe.

Actually I don't really care about all these relationship stuffs. When the time comes, God will reveal it to me. There is nothing much to worry about like "Have I met the right guy?" , "Wil I ever get a Bf?" etc. All these is not important to me. What I wanna do now is this...

" But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will borrow about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

I was reading my frens' blogs and I realised how much they cared for me. I am really blessed. On Sunday during the worship session, I could not help crying a little. I look around me and I see everyone worshipping God together I felt His presence and I saw how blessed I was to have so many brothers and sisters in Christ and the best of all, I am so blessed to have know God. I realised that it has been quite a while since I last really worship God with my all and not let half of my mind wander off to homework and problems. And I was very touched that God loved me so much. He gave me so many things in my life. There is nothing more that I can ask for. I have my family, my god family, my church frens, frens outside of church and best of all, I have God. Really, what more can I ask for?

As for Wei Zong, I really wished that God will perform a miracle on his leg that he will be able to run forever and ever. But if God didn't heal his leg problem, I guess that is ok. God have his own reasons and His ways are always better than ours because God is able to see everything but for us, our perception of stuffs are always limited. Really prayed that Wei Zong is able to run n perform well for the upcoming marathon in Decemeber. It may be his last run but I hope it will not be.

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Hee... I am supposed to be figuring out maya stuff but instead I am blogging. It's like 2am plus liao. Lucky tomorrow no school, I can sleep a bit later. So glad to be able to chat with Jing Ting. Finally see her come online ever since she left for Canada. Really miss her. Pray that God will protect her while she is there. Got to go. NIGHT!

This blog entry is specially for Li Wei only ! :D

Hiya Li Wei, I read your blog. It's not dumb of you to blog down (pen down) what you thought after reading my blog entry. In the end, I actually did read it. Thanks so much for caring. As for me being sad, it's partly because of what happen and the other part... Well, I know that it's the devil putting those thoughts in my head about being useless and worthless and stuff like that. I knew what the devil is doing to me and yet I still believed. I shouldn't have because I am not all that. In God's eyes, I am not useless or worthless. It's just the devil trying to bring me down and it did but I am thankful that no matter what happens, God is there to give me a wake up call and pull me up. Glad that we have God in our lives. He is the best ever.

Hey girl, you are not useless. No one is. In God's eyes, you will always be useful. You are His daughter and He will never neglect you. Anyway, you can always post a messege on my tag board. I won't scold you one. That tag-board is free for all to post their messeges and that includes YOU!!! :) I read your blog and I dunno what problems you have been facing but no matter what, always rely on God. When you need someone to be there for you , you can always be sure that God is there. He is just right beside you. He will listen and comfort you always if you let Him. I faced lots of family problems and life was tough especially when I am that young and had no one to turn to. Well, I had God and if you were to ask me, if I could change my past, will I do it? Well my answer will be no. Life was tough then but all that I been through lead me to grow closer to God and because of that, I am now a much stronger and less bitter person than before. It was worth the struggle, really worth the fight.

Hey girl, I know I don't know you that well but I can always lend a listening ear if you want. I don't mind. Take care always and remember to always rely on God for strength. I be praying for you. :) NIGHT!

These few days I have been so busy and stressed up with school that I hardly have time to blog at all. There is so many things going on around me that I have to attend to. I wish I could just push everything aside but obviously I can't... Sigh... I am very very stressed up. Today Ellen told me that I don't seem like the type who would cry. Very surprised she said that. I am definitely a person who will cry easily... especially when stressed. Guess when I really cried it means something is really really not wrong except when I cried during movies... That one not counted. Kinda stressed today that I ended up eating lots of packet of junk food. It's a lot especially when you realise that I am not the type who will always eat junk food but today I ate a lot. Sigh... And now I am drinking hot choclate cum marshmellow drink to destressed. I am so confused nowadays over something. I don't even know wad I am thinking. I can think about sth for a moment and the next I be thinking about sth that contradicts what I have thought about a moment ago. I wish I knew which is right. Sigh... God can you reveal to me the answer to that question?

God, I did something really bad today. I hurt my friend. I hate myself now. I really do. Why do I have to say stuff like that. I wish I never have to encounter any relationship problem bacause it seems like each time I meet with such a thing, I always hurt someone. I think I just lost a dear friend and I can only blame it on myself. My friend probably hates me now. It makes me think of how when I was really young, my parents when they scold me, they will say I am useless and hopeless and I really feel like what they say is true. God, I didn't meant to hurt my friend but I did. I am a idiot. I really am. Here I am crying sadly like it will help make things better. I am so useless, all I know how to do is cry. I hate myself. I really do. I am really sorry.