*|ZOEgirl "Give me one reason"
Today during Sunday school, my class had a talk about BGR. About whether we should have a relationship with a guy (my sunday school class are all girls) who is not a christian. And guess what, had that conversation with Jit just now. What a coincidence.
For me, I will still stand on the side of having a boyfriend who is a christian and loves God. It may seem heartless to reject a guy because he is not a christian but at least still get to be friends. Not only that there won't be the problem of him becoming a christian just cos he likes me. Giving up a guy just because he is not christian is tough too but in the end, it be okay. I just find it hard to have a boyfriend who is not a christian. How can both of us support and grow spritually when he isn't a christian, when he doesn't know and love God. It is hard growing up in a half christian, half non christian family. My friend went through that and it was really tough on her. As for me, I grew up in a non christian family though I am a christian. Life is tough... I can still remember the times when I wished my parents were christians so that they can support me spritually. I very very much wanted someone to be there for me spiritually, family wise and at all times, I was alone. But I am glad that no matter how badly hurt I was (now family situation is much better), I have God. And because of this, I can't imagine myself having a bf who is not a christian.
This really remind me of a song that I love, "Give me a reason" by ZOEgirl. I guess anyone can figure out why after listening to the song and looking at the lyrics.
"Give me one reason"
Give me one reason to live without Him
Give me one reason to walk away
I know you don't understand this feeling
How can I show
That He is the reason I have to let you go
I've tried so hard to change your mind
I always thought that you'd understand the reasons why
Why I don't want to do the things that I used to do
Now that my heart and my soul belong to God and God alone
Still every night's a fight to make it through
I can't deny I'm still in love with you
But how can you expect me to
Walk with Him and give myself to you
Give me one reason to live without Him
Give me one reason to walk away
I know you don't understand this feeling
How can I show
That He is the reason I have to let you go
Boy, I still long for your embrace
But what I've found in God, oh, it could never ever be replaced
Still I pray for the chance
As you slip through my hands you'll come around
But your heart's so far away from the words I'm trying to say
Wish I could hold you both and still be true
There's only one thing left for me to do
Baby, I love you
But I can't stay with you unless you love Him too
Give me one reason to live without Him
Give me one reason to walk away
I know you don't understand this feeling
How can I show
That He is the reason I have to let you go
I've found the path that I've gotta take
No turning back, back to the old ways
Got a chance to take
Sacrifice to make
Whatever it takes I won't turn away
Give me one reason to live without Him
Give me one reason to walk away
I know you don't understand this feeling
How can I show
That He is the reason I have to let you go
Give me one reason to live without Him
Give me one reason to walk away
I know you don't understand this feeling
How can I show
That He is the reason I have to let you go
Still remember the first time I was listening to this song. We (My church frens and I) were all rehearsing for the play written by Karin Fu!!! Haha and Min said that this song is really really good and it has to be part of the play and that is how my brother ended up playing the role of Ke Xin's BF and their break up scene was really really good. Some people cried. It's really good. Miss the good old days. Now everyone is so busy with school and work. Oh well, guess this year Karin wont be writing any skit but at least we are going to have a camp for all the young kids in Sunday school. Can apply what we learn in discipleship class and I get to do logistics again. WOo Hoo... LOL I must be nuts. Really hope Joshua and Jonathan will go for the camp. Shall pray about it.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 12:10 AM|*
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*|Should I?
As usual, I read "My Journey" again and today scripture Hebrews 2:1 "We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away." I dunno if I actually did interpret it correctly. I guess we really have to pay close attention to what we are doing each day... If we get too caught up in things and become so busy, we probably forget about God. At least, I do. Well recently I have been thinking about things. I have a 4 day school week plus piano lessons plus the fact that I actually promised my friends I join ice skating club with them. This I don't mind actually. I am thinking if I should join a 3-module contemp dance training programme. Its 3hrs training session every Sat for 10weeks. Is it really too much for me to handle? I am just afraid that if homework and practice sessions and all that I will start to drift away from God. Guess this Bible verse is really warning me about what might happen. Guess I really have to think carefully though I know I really want it but if it is going to cause me to drift away from God. Then I shouldn't take it. Really pray that God reveals to me what the right decision is.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 11:42 PM|*
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*|A life of gratitude
I have started to read this daily devotional "Our Journey" and it really helps a lot. Today's entry is about a life of gratitude and true enough, active gratitude does cure self- or society-induced dissatisfaction.
I have always complaim about my family. Well many things had happened these past few years, some hurtful... well, it doesn't matters anymore i guess. Cos the important thing is that at least I still have a family. Compared to those orphans, I am so much better off. Guess it is time I pick up from where I left off... Am I making sense here? It's time I really start talking more to my parents, at least start to involve them in my life more. Really thankful to God that all these years despite all the arguments and fights, my family never did break apart though on certain occasions it almost did and I can still remember withdrawing to a corner of a room, crying and praying and wishing that God will keep my family together and that my parents will not go seperate ways. And they didn't. Thank you God.
God is one of my best friends ever. He has been with me through my hard times. My strength and comfort and shelter. Maybe it is because He is so much easier to talk to and He knows everything, He knows. God is the only one that I don't feel embarassed of ashamed breaking down and crying in front of. Maybe this is why it is so hard to share my problems with my friends because I know at some point of time, I break down in tears and I don't want them to see it. But I guess sometimes it feels good to have a shoulder to cry on.
Did I mention that I am starting piano lesson this coming August. Starting from Grade 1 though... kinda embarassing, 20 years old and only grade 1. But I guess there is nothing I can do about it. I waited for 13 years just for this, not going to let my dream go without trying. Really hope that one day I be able to write songs about God and how He helped me through it all, if I ever reached to that level. But I try, shall give it my best shot. This is the only one I got, just have to do it. Really thankful for it.
School going to be starting soon. Kinda excited and nervous at the same time. Butterflies in stomach. I just love schol so much. Guess that is cos I am finally studying something I really love. Something that I have always wanted. Without God, I won't have been able to enter and I am thankful for this. Life is getting better and better. There be ups and downs of course but with God by my side, it's ok. I really wish that my relationship with God grows closer each and every day. That's my biggest wish of all.
" Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 8:58 PM|*
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*|Recently
It has been a long time since I blogged and a lot has happened. Well... I quited my job at MOE the day before I went Genting with my god family and I thinked I really have to wached my temper cos I did lose it twice when I was there. And the thing is I don't usually lose it when I am with them. Just suddenly can't stand their slowness and stuff like that. I really need to control my temper. At least try but all in all the trip was good. I am always out with my god family but what about my family? Don't think we ever do all these things. Sigh
Anyway I managed to rush out the posters for Jing Ting's mum. I did my best and her boss loved it so that's good. After this experience, I am so sure that I dun wanna be a graphic designer. Haha... That's why I am not majoring in visual communication.
For the past few weeks, I had been preparing for my sch's camp and really thru the preparation, I met more friends from the same batch as I am and I hanged out with them a lot. I dunno why but I really love being with them. And they were speaking chinese all the time which actually I am very comfortable with that. I really liked being with them cos for the first time since I entered ADM, I can really be me... this lame, rather wild person. With my classmates, it's different. They are the more serious kind so I usually don't kid around but with Ellen they all, situation is really less stressful. Erm... but anyway really glad that I met them thru this camp!
I was Cluedo logistics head for this camp and well... Cluedo went pretty well. The sad thing aout this camp I guess will be not being able to spend time with my OG. 99% of the time I be at Nanyang House setting up the place and all that. But no matter what, I still treasured the time I spend with my new friends. Guess that is cos things will change once school reopens, everyone have their own major and timetable. We probably wont be able to see each other often. I mean look at the new ADM building, so big and yet only occupied by us year 2 which are like 100 over students and the occasional year 1. Really hope that everyone will bump into one another in school and during that time, catch up with one another. It be sad if all of us lost contact with one another.
This reminds me of one person, Hui Nan. I dunno why but it feel so weird to see her in church. Maybe cos we hardly talk nowadays. I dunno why... its like suddenly I don't dare to talk to her. Ok I dunno wad's wrong with me. We used to have a lot to talk about but now... haiz. This problem I have to settle it somehow. Speaking of this reminds me of my 2 best friends, Jing Ting and Ophe. Sigh... JT will be leaving Singapore soon for exchange this August and Ophe, she is going overseas to study. I will miss them, my 2 best fren far away from Singapore.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 9:04 PM|*
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*|Frustrations
So frustrated now... I wanna learn something or rather I need to learn something. Recreational piano can't learn cos can't find teachers since April, drum can't learn cos Karin not free but can't blame her she is working, dance course at Lee wei song sch of music can't learn cos not enough pupil to start a class, ice-skating can't learn cos my friends who at first decided that we should go learn as a group of 3 all back out, ballet can't learn cos it started too soon, violin/cello dunno should learn a not cos it might be too much for fingers to learn strings n piano at the same time.
Wish I known ballet or dance or sth so I can just blast the music and work out, get rid of all the tension inside me. Shall go exercise later but with all the posters I have to finish. ARGH!!! This is killing me. Shall try to rush with the drawing of posters and then it is time to exercise though by then it be like in the middle of the night but who cares... if I don't exercise, I can't go to sleep. ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH... Shall stop wasting time blogging. Off to serious hard work.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 12:24 AM|*
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