*|Why did u open my letters...why?
Yesterday night my dad smsed me that I got accepted into the school of Arts, design and media. My first reaction was not one of happiness, rather it was anger, who said u can open my letters to read. Now tat it is Sunday, I read the letter but I am not excited at all for getting into my dream course, I should be the first to know it.
When I told my mum not to open my letters in the future, u know wad she said. She said " If dun open, how do they know wad is going on?" Then she scolded me for showing my temper. I am angr and hurt. My parents dun even trusted me enough and they dun know me enough to know tat they be the first person I tell tat I entered the course. Instead of waiting for me to open it, read the letter and tell them, they opened it. I am their daughter, dun they trusted me enough to know tat I tell them wad course I got into. Instead they opened my letter. Wad am I to them, their daughter who wont tell them a single thing???? So much for me trusting in them...
I wished I can talked to someone about it but Jing Ting she in KL now, Zi Xuan...well she is not online, Enoch his status is busy... So much for entering this course, not much of happiness in me. I only pretended to be happy back in church but actually I am not. If I am really happy, I be jumping around and shouting with joy but instead here I am, crying and hurt tat my parents didnt trusted me enough ... so much for being their daughter.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 4:23 PM|*
*|Am I happy or not???
I got into the school of Arts, design and media. YEAH!!! But I am not tat sure cos it was my father who opened my letter. I hate it when people open my letters when I am not at home. Dun care, go home liao and I will make it a rule that no one touches my letters, be it letters from frens or letters such as those from school. Haiz~ I get into the course I want yet I cant have the pleasure of opening or be the first person to read it. Really thanks God for it. Guess I go sleep liao. Both eyes are getting very red. Haiz~ vision sometimes bit blur... ARGH!!! Haiz~ must be cos of the build up of proteins in my contact lens! Haiz~ Didnt jump for joy upon knowing that I got into the course I want. ARGH!!! I dunno wad I am talking... I just ... dun bother to type liao cos I think I typed out all sort of stuffs that dun make sense.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 12:08 AM|*
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*|With God, everything will be alright eventually
Was in a bad mood just now. Had a quarrel with my mum over the hp, totally destroyed my happy mood. Each time I get angry and sad, I cant help but think of my past... My family was quite a broken one in the sense that everyday there be fights and quarrels. And I just cant help but remembering how badly it affected me. I remembered once my brother quarrelled with me, he ended up scolding me words like bitch, e F word and saying tat I am not his sister and thru out the whole time, all I did was sat there, not a word from my mouth and my mum scolded him for like 5mins after which he left home to meet his frens. Wad hurt me most was not only the words tat my brother said , but also the fact tat my mother scolded me after that and I did was cried, not a word. It really hurts to be called useless and worthless and to be said to behave worse than an animal. My mum blamed me for the outcome of the family, said it was my attitude tat caused the family to be broken. Said that if I changed my behaviour, my brother wont be like tat. WADS HAS IT GOT TO DO WITH ME, ITS NOT ALL MY FAULT!!! ITS NOT!!!
They have always pampered him since young till now. To top it off, they loved him more than me. Isn't tat bad enough already. His bad temper isnt my fault... His behaviour hasnt got anything to do with me!!! I just kept on recalling all the other things tat happened in the past. It hurts a not... maybe its cos I never had anyone to be there for me physically when it happened and cos of that I never told anyone wad happened, I just keep it locked inside me. All the things that troubled me each day just got more and more. Sometimes I really wished there was someone beside me, just a shoulder to cry on but I guess there wasnt any. There were only 2 times when I had my fren standing by me. But they werent there pshyically, just thru hp and msn. They are JT and si xiu. Each time such thing happened to me, all I did was cried. Guess tat is wad I grew up learning.
I just cant seemed to forget all these hurtful stuffs from promary school to now. Remebered how sad and how tough it was to hold back my tears each time the teachers in school talk about family and all tat and when church teachers discuss about such stuffs. All I did was ren, ren re, dun cry, cun cry, dun break down which even now as I typed, I had already broken down in tears. I was so upset that I cried the whole bus journey home from church. I remebered staring out the bus wondow and I saw trees and light. I feel like a small tree and that there are many many large trees tryin to kill me, trying to stop me from growing, from moving out. But each time, there was light, light passing thru the gaps in between the other trees' leaves. Light was like hope, like God. Each time I remembered these sad stuffs, only one person was there for me. It was God. Some may asked how I knew it was Him. I dunno how to explain it but all I know is I felt His presence and His love. I knew it was Him and I know at the moment that no matter how bad things are, He will always be there for me, loving me for who I am even when others may scolded me useless or worthless but in His eyes, it was not way. I am His child and tat He loved me forever. God's love is just so great, no terms, no conditions. It was given freely, so complete and pure that I cried even harder knowing that even how imperfect I am, God still love me all the same.
Maybe that is why I cant seemed to forget each unhappy event cos at the end of every unhappiness, there is God. God made me stronger and more confident, more ready to move on and take on any challenges tat come my way. Tat is why I believed in Him and never want to leave Him. Partly upset over wad happen each time, but in the end, I be happier. Happier cos I leearn more about God and His ways each time, happier cos I know tat He will never leave me and Happier cos I know each time He loves me.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 6:37 PM|*
*|Will miss u!!!
Haiz Jing Ting is in KL. Wont get to see her this sunday. Then next sunday will be the last time I c her before she flies off to USA for her work attachment. So good, will miss her liao. Haiz~ sad. Now no one to talk to online liao and wont be able to write postcards to her liao. Wish she can come back to singapore asap. Erm... super tired now, shall go sleep! :)
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 12:56 AM|*
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*|22nd March - Day 3 of Korea trip (part 2)
I hardly used the internet nowadays... busy wif stuff. Well I am supposed to sleep now but oh well maybe later. Shall continue blogging. Cant believe I take so long to blog out my whole Korea trip.
Anyway after luch, we went to Hwaseong Fortress. It was cold though the sun was beaing. Hwaseong Fprtress is Korean version of the great wall of China. Its really really long. We were only given 20mins though so couldn't go far. Went to took photos and then climbed all the way up to the tower. Actually we didnt climbed, we walked cos Hwaseong Fortress unlike the great wall of China does not have steps or stairways, rather all they have is slopes. When Suzanna jie jie and I went all the way to the foot of the tower, we took a photo with the guides. Erm... weird outfits they have. Up we go into the tower... Climb climb climb. Its just a circular tower wif occasional small rectangular windows. Quite cool. Took less than 3 mins to reach the top. Took photos of sceneery and spotted a far away church. I then tried to take a photo of Suzanna jie jie and me. In the end, I had o take out my gloves cos it is just too difficult to press down the shutter button wif gloves on. Camera came slipping. It took 2 shots to get the photo to be almost perfect. By then my hands were quite cold. Its really windy up there.
After tat, we went back to the coach. It was there tat the tour guide told us the way to the market cum mama store. By then we didnt have much time to walk about so we only went to one mama store. Haha Suzanna jie jie bought some toys for her young relatives. As for me, I bought those cute korean stickers. Apparently Suzanna jie jie and I were not the only patrons of the shop, there were other korean students, bet they just ended school. By then, there was hardly any space in the shop to move around. Oh and I saw the store owner sold those really big, fat, juicy strawberries. Wanted to buy them back to Singapore but didnt cos I knew they couldn't last long. Highly perishable goods. It cost about 4000won which is around S$5. But when I said the strawberries were big, I mean they were really big. They are about the size of 2-3 strawberries sold in Singapore. Can u believe it and all of them are juicy!!!
Suzanna's jie jie's relatives bought pears. YUMMY!!! Love it. Off and away... Going to ginseng planation now. ANOTHER 2HRS JOURNEY!!! Why is Korea so big. As usual, I slept, sleepiness combine wif natural air con (winter air), I slept! Finally reached ginseng plantation and well... not much to c except soil. Wanna know why cos ginseng grow in soil. The only thing that u c sticking out of the soil is leaves. Was told that they grow a standard number of 5 leaves each year. Haha so can tell how old a ginseng is by counting the number of leaves. Interesting...Haha... Oh and now I know wad the yellow thing is... the yellow thing tat sticks out of soil beside gionseng plantation. It is rice and it looks so hard, so stiff, not like the type of rice I learn about in sec 3 geography.
Ok shall stop here. Need to sleep. Super tired. Most probably continue tml. Erm... wondering if I be staying at my godsister's house at Yew Tee tml. If so, I really wonder wad I am going to do there cos there really isnt much to be done there. Haha and I be BUGGED by kids. ARGH!!! Sometimes they are cute and loveable but most of the times they are MONSTERS!!!! haha
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 10:56 PM|*
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*|22nd March - Day 3 of Korea trip (Part 1)
I am so bored to death. There is no one to talk to online. Everyone is either busy or away or offline. There is nth for me to watch, nth for me to play with. I am bored. I thought it was about to rain... guess I heard wrong, it was just the rustle of leaves that I heard when the wind blew and not the rain. I really wished it rained, then at least it gives me a reason to stare out of the window and looked at how the rain cause the whole scenery to be misty, to be like a magical fairy land at night, mist and lights... a good combination for scenery. But obviously that is not happening now so I guess I just continue blogging on my trip to korea. Where did I stop...
Yup... I woke up early in the mrning because of the stupid morning call. Suzanna jie jie nearly tripped when she rushed to pick up the phone. I didnt bother to move even though the phone was nearer to me, I was still tired. When I finally woke up... I saw for my first time ever. SNOW!!!!!!!!! CAN U BELIEVE IT!!!!!!! SNOW!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH, ITS SO WHITE, SO PURE, SO BEAUTIFUL, SO AMAZING , SO MAGICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SNOW!!!!!!!!!!! Haha and the wind was howling like a wolf. Wow, its just so breadthe-taking. First thing I did after washing up and all wasn't to eat breakfast but to grabbed my jacket and glove and dash out of the hotel's rotating doors to play with snow. Took quite a lot of photos of the ice-capped mountains. Wow... its so beautiful. Took of my glove to touch the snow, its really soft but its not fluffy like cotton. Its so nice to touch and yet so cold. Haha.
The photographer made a snowman, a mini one and we took photos with it. So adorable. HAHA. But in the end, its head fell off and its body got smashed cos the snow was so slippery that I fell. Before that I nearly tripped a few times too. Haha... Before the snowman died due to an unfortunate event, I held it with my bare hands. After a few mins or less, my hands were numb, I cant feel a thing and I started to feel this pricky sensation. I cant stand the coldness of it. Had to wear gloves in the end, might get frost bites if I dun wear one. The driver or was it the male photographer made a big snowman. There was this lady who lend the snowman a hat cos there was this guy in my group who refuse to take off his hat put on snowman's head, he said his hair was messy. Guys... Someone lend the snowman a scarf too. Haha it was so cute!!!
After that we proceeded to the room where they filmed "Endless love" that korean drama. Endless love = qiu tian de tong hua. Now I know why this phoneix park ski resort is famous, its cos of this show. Went to walk round and we saw the different spots they used to film this drama. Haha I took some maple leaves home too. They are now in my freezer. Trying to preserve them. Haha In this way, I can put them into my photo album. Almost forgot to mention I had a great breakfast, ate a lot. My goodness, back in Sinagpore, I hardly ate breakfast and there I was eating away happily. Usually back here in Singapore, I force myself to eat my first meal of the day. Haha LOL... let me recall what I ate, i ate erm... porridge, egg, ham, photo wedges, cabbage, bread, toast with butter. Wow... tat is a lot. Haha.
And we off to our next destination which is... guess where is tat... LUNCH!!!! Haha can u believe it. We just ate breakfast but apparently the ride there took 2 hours which by then is already lunch time. HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We ate some BBQ meat thingie. It was ok. Haha I am one who love vegetables not meat so u can tell how I react when all that I am given is meat :( Haha but it was ok. The troublesome thing about going there to eat is tat I have to take out my shoes. Oh did I mention that I had a very horrible eye day. Didnt wear my contacts cos my eyes were red and dry. Wads more... the skin around my eyes were peeling. The skin as in my eyelids. It was quite bad, had to apply lots of moisturizer. Wads more, I am on this medication and it causes my lips to be dry and sometimes cracked. So u can imagine how bad it was... with this dry cold weather, I ended up having to put lots and lots of lip balm or wadsoever it is called.
Many of my friends know that my cheeks have always been red. My gogsister said that it was because I kept eating this red thing when I was young. Dunno wad it is called but if what she said was true then it is no wonder my cheeks are so red cos I like tat food and when my godmother cooks wadever food with it, I will really slowly use my utensils and try to get every red thing out from to the dish to my plate sp that I can eat it. Haha anyway it is a good thing my cheeks are red, save money on buying blusher. Blusher is definitely one thing I will not need at all. If I use blusher, my cheeks will end up looking like a baboon's butt. NO WAY am I putting it on. Haha my cheeks were redder in Korea due to the cold weather so each time I went to the ladies, someone bound to ask me why my cheeks are rosy. Haha... Sometimes I hate it when my frens make fun of me cos of tat but actually I think if I were given a choice, I want my cheeks to be rosy. Haha... WOW!!! I took 30mins to type this all. Oops now I know why it is super long. Ok time to sleep. Wonder if my brother will be bringing home any cakes for me to eat. Haha YEAH!!! Aircon bedroom here I come!!!
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 1:22 AM|*
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*|21st March - Day 2 of Korea trip (part 3)
After all tat walking in the souvenir shop, Suzanna and me realised that her relatives are nowhere to be seen. Searched the whole of the souvenir shop for them. In the end, Suzanna jie jie and I split up. She looked for them in the souvenir shop while me looked for them outside the gate of Everland. I looked but they were nowhere to be seen. As for suzanna jie jie she disappeared into the shops and it was like more than 10mins. At tat time, it was 930pm and we were all supposed to be back in the coach but I could do nothing except stand out there in the wind waiting for her to reappear. Was so worried. At that time, I had a feeling that Suzanna's parents and relatives were already in the coach. So when Suzanna jie jie appear, the first place we went to was the coach and I was right, they are there. Phew!
The coach was so warm unlike the weather out here. I fell asleep on the ride back to the hotel, Phoneix Park Ski Resort. It be the first time I go to a hotel in Korea since I had landed. When we finaaly reached the hotel, we stepped out of the coacj to collect our luggage. My gosh it was so freezing cold, I could feel the blast of cold air. I was shivering liao even after I quickly put on my gloves and jacket and hood. Well in the end, we got to our rooms and I took a shower. Was too tired to soak in the bathtub. Guess wad... I took me about 5mins to figure how to on the shower head and not the tap connecting to the bathtub. Not my fault, no instructions. Ended up pulling and pushing every button I get my hands on.
Anyway we slept on tatami beds laid on the floor. The thicker matress is placed on the floor followed by the thinner one then the blanket. The blanket was so heavy and so warm. Its like the matress i sleep on at home. I always sleep on a matress placed on the floor in my parent's bedroom. The only difference is I use a cotton or is it woolen blanket instead of the tatami blanket. But still i had a super good sleep!!!
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 3:37 PM|*
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*|21st March - Day 2 of Korea trip (part 2)
Finally reached EVERLAND THEME PARK... "The red bean lady" filming site. Took a group photo with the fox and sheep. Haha it was funny... The photographer made us pause halfway to adjust the head of the fox. Wanted the fox to tilt his head down so that he looks more cunning. Wad a laugh. The sheep is as cute as ever. Haha... Went to the lower part of Everland via this cable car... Cant say it is a cable car actually, cos it is definitely not a car like the one in sentosa. It is more of a ski lift type. The worst part is that the stupid wind kept blowing... It was so cold. My feet are freezing and by the time my feet touched land, I can feel the jolt of pain in my feet. My feet are FREEZING COLD!!! The great part is that the scenery from up there is WOW!!! I didnt dare take out my camera then cos I was afraid I might accidentally drop it and if it really drops, well... I be dead meat and there is no way I could retrieve it unless u consider letting yourself fall onto the safety net. Anyway, suzanna jie jie was so scared of the ski ligt that the only moment she took her hands off the rails was when we were about to touch down and our group photographer was standing right there, signalling us to look her way and pose.
Then I saw the the polar bears... Haha it is standing there in the open, more like basking in all our camera's flash lights. LOL... and then I saw the white tiger. I love white tigers. They are just so beautiful. Grace of a tiger and beauty of a erm... White fairy. Haha LOL!!! "Wad a description". Anyway I wanted to take a photo of the seal. I didnt manage... I mean I did take a ophoto of the seal swimming but it was too fast and so the seal in the photo ended up without a head in the photo. That is so not my fault. Blame it for swimming so fast. Haha Wads more the film that I ued for my camera is ISO 400, meant for fast speed motion. Haha
Went to the safari after that. Sat on this bus tat they decorated like a tiger. Saw a few half tiger, half lion. The result of 3 generations of tigers and lions living together and mating with one another. Its really weird to see a tiger with a lion body or a lion with strips. I wonder wad the zookeepers call them cos they are obviously not tigers, neithers are they lions. They are both. Next I saw the bears. WOW WOW!!! I never knew bears will do anything for food. The driver of the bus told the bear to clap hands and wave and all tat, before he started giving it food. Some bears are even more eager for food then I imagine. They automatically walk up to the side of the coach where the driver is even before we reach it and stood up doing tricks, ALL FOR FOOD!!! Now tat is really cool.
We went for this boat ride after tat. Hey I got wet, water splashed on me. Wet my shoes and socks... Haiz~ my feet became much colder after tat.I rmb someone telling me once that to prevent heat from being lost from ur body u had to keep the ends dry, tat means ur head and feet. I ended up wet!!!It was fun nevertheless, not scary just bumpy.
The last game that I played there was this shotting thingie. Its some sort of a ride which allows maximum 4 people. Each of us have a laser gun and we have to shoot the green lights on thetarget. A hit will cause the light to turn red, a miss will cause it to remain green. I was sitting at seat D. Suzanna jie jie at A, Cindy at C. It was like a competitive game. Haha In the end, I won. Haha score of 6100 while both the other 2 adults got 300 plus. YEAH!!! SWEET VICTORY! LOL... It was fun, very fun.
By then , the sun has set and it was dark outside. It became really chilly, drop of temperature. Ate at this restaurant.. I ate erm... fried rice with seafood and soya bean sauce. Its around S$10, one of the chaeper dish served there. When I eat and buy stuff, I look at the price, not because I am a miser but because I have to pay all the expenses by myself and before that I wasnt working so I had no income. The food was great though I couldnt tell wad I was eating cos it was all brown but I knew that the bit and pieces of food I had each bite taste differently.
Went to watch Olmypus Fantasy. Its a performance and it is something like Snetosa's musical fountain. There are laser lights too. It ios definitely much better than Sentosa's musical fountain and wads more there are fireworks. I love fireworks... Was watching the whole performance on stage with Suzanna jie jie till she left halfway cos need to find her parents. I was left there alone to watch the fireworks by myslef. I dunno... was kinda sad then cos it reminds me of the time when I watched the firework display at esplanade alone. Was abandoned by all my frens, they cancel it at the very last minute. It was only when they found out that I watched alone that they started asking me y I didnt tell them I was there. The thing is I mentioned clearly that I am there wheh they called to cancel everything. I said I stayed and watched. Still rmb I was there sitting all alone, warm during the day when the sun is shining, cold in the evening when I feel the breeze. Though alone and really hungry at that time, I enjoyed the peace and quietness of tat time and best of all, I let the fireworks mesmerised. Well this time while I was in Korea, once again I was alone... Just me and the fireworks, sad yet happy to enjoy it all. LOL... Ok enough about tat.
Sat the cable car all the way up, didnt bother to watch another performance. Was too cold to want to stay outside. So sat the cale car up, once again, my feet was freezing cold and this time when my feet touched ground, it was much painful than my previous experience. Ran all the way to the souvenir shop for warmth. Wow!!! The souvenir shop was big, really big, few souvenirs shops linked side by side,. You can just cut thru one to get to the other. WOW!!! Spend my next 1hr there walking round and runnning my hands through all the shelfs and smiling each time the staff in the shops greet me. Felt like a young child walking thru a magical land filled with toys. Its really so awesome.One of the best souvenir shops that I ever being to.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 12:40 AM|*
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