*|Long entry
I havn't been blogging for some time. Got a lot a lot of stuff to talk about. Today during Oikos's praise and worship session, I was so touched by the lyrics of the songs we sang. They are all about God of course. I just feel God's presence. Sometimes I feel that we sinners are not worthy of His love... He send Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. And God still loves us all who we are though sometimes we betray Him and leave Him, God is really a great father. Was very touched that I couldn't help but shed tears... I tried hard to contain my tears but apparently the harder I try to stop it, the more it flows. Guess God's love is too hard to contain inside the heart, it overflows. Sometimes I feel awkward crying in the middle of a praise and worship session and sometimes a bit embarrassed cos I feel like I am a cry baby. Haiz~ Maybe I shouldn't let what other people think affect me afterall this is a time between me and God. That reminds me of the 1hr or izzit 2hr of praise and worship session that we had during last year church camp. Thru out the whole camp I was down and thought that I am a failure in leading the group but God showed me that He loves me and I cried really hard when we sang the song "you yi wei shen" (translation: There is a God) and I cant help but feeling happy that I had good frens like Enoch, Min, Ophe they all. Haha In fact, I cried even harder when they hug me during the song "zai ye shu li wo men shi yi jia ren" (Translation: We are one family in God). Haha Come to think of it I am backup singer and yet I didnt sing cos I spend half my time crying. LOL, but you can't blame me God touched my heart! :)
That leads me to Sunday school praise and worship session. I just cant help feeling like it is a choir practise. Can't believe that we were made to sing "Holy, Holy, Holy" one more time cos it wasn't good enough. Really can't blame as there are so many high notes in this song and the first thing that we sing for the start of the day is a high note song. Cant even reach it! I wish the praise and worship session were like how it was in the past when Min, Ri Xin, Si Xiu, Pei Shi they all lead. Those were really good. The praise and worship sessions were really all about praising God and not like now. We sing for the sake of singing. In the first place, we combined our praise and worship session with the younger ones to show them how we lead worship sessions but in the end, we accomadate them in our worship sessions and never did show them how our sessions are. We did even acheive the purpose of combining worship sessions. Really wished it could be like how it was in the past, I really want it to be a session of everyone coming together praising God not only with our voices, but also with our hearts and souls. Haiz~
So excited... This coming saturday attending a course on discovering our spiritual gifts. Erm... I wonder what my spiritual gifts are. That reminds me of something Hui Nan said about today is that the special things about God's gifts to us is that He wont take them away. If that is the case shall use it to the fullest but first have to discover what it is. So exciting. The course is from 9am to 9pm. Whoa LONG! They better have breaks in between cos it takes time to absorb what is being said but the good thing is it is in English which means it is so much easier to understand. Haha. This course is so worth going! If anyone who happen to read my blog, which I doubt there be many HAHA, and wanna go for the course, tell me and we go. :) LOL!
Anyway, last Sunday I went to Kelong. Haiz~ So many things I wanna say but whoa there is only this much that I can type. This entry is already super long liao. Haha Aiya... Shall blame on Enoch. See lar, U didnt blog about the Kelong trip, if not I can save my time and just copy and paste. Haha. LOL... Kidding only ar Enoch, dun angry hor! Kelong trip is fun. Ate lots of SEAFOOD, FRESH FROM THE OCEAN! YUMMY! Haha played lots of mahjong and sang karaoke and watch vcds! I must say I am very surprised that they even have a tv there, me still wondering where the electricity come from. Afterall we are smack in the middle of the ocean with nothing but water surrounding us! Oh We had a fantastic dinner, a great BBQ (love the roasted marshmellows and hotdogs and STING RAYS) and a SUPERB breakfast consisting of FRESH (LET ME EMPHASIZE THE WORD FRESH!!!!!!) fish, sotong and cuttlefish porridge. Haha Must thanks Enoch for giving me his share of the porridge. I love it!!! Had a great time, life is so simple there. Haha I don't think I going to give an hour by hour account of wad I did there... If I do, this entry will be how long liao!
Oh But did I tell you the boat ride was really great except for the occasional rockiness. Love standing at the back of the boat feeling the wind in my hair. Its just so great and I see birds soaring in the air! WOW! Actually sitting at the back of the boat is fun too. Rmb that on the boat ride home, Enoch and me occupiedthe back of the boat and both of us tried not to doze off. Cant blame, The "Chen" family (Ri Xin, Enoch, Qian) and I only slept like 2hrs plus only cos we stayed up all night playing mahjong and seeing the fisherman bring in their catch in the wee hours of the morning round 5 or 6am plus. I just love the back of the boat, so peaceful. Love looking at how the mini "water fountain" created and the surrounding trees that are super far away. Haha. Did I mention that the boat we are on broke down, BROKE DOWN after we depart from the Kelong and we havnt even travelled for 10 MINTUES, 10 MINUTES!!! The Kelong is like so near... Aiya the adults are in another boat and they went off without noticing that our boat died on us and was drifting off course! HEY!!! COME BACK HERE!!! But in the end, the engine was fixed up, all was fine and we were back on course, back to Singapore. HOME SWEET HOME! I miss Kelong!
Haha I think I better end off liao. YIPEE! Before some people complain it is too long!
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 9:51 PM|*
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*|TIRED!!!
Deleted my previous entry. I was so stressed out if everything that I have yet to do. Guess it was also because I am super tired and that is why I got so irritated and agitated very easily. Imagine just having about 1hr of sleep today. I am seriously super tired. I am still tired now but have posters to paint. Guess I better go do it now. Haiz~
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 10:59 PM|*
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*|Sacred Romance
Currently reading this really good book "The Sacred Romance, Drawing closer to the heart of God". Hui Nan given it to me, I am so glad I now finally understand what the authors are writing about. Haha I think I read the 1st few chapters for more than 3 times before I could finally understand wad is being said. Can totally relate to wad tat is written in the book cos the situation I am in is just like the one tat is being mentioned thru out the entire book.
I finally end work today but I am much more busy than ever with lots of things to do. I wanna start studying now. God let me enter the school of Arts, Design & Media even though I think I didnt do tat well for faculty test and the entry requirements. But since things turned out this way, I wanna work even harder and make use of what I learn for God. I dunno how my school work is going to help spread God's words. Haha even if I dunno, it be alright cos God knows and He will reveal it when He deems is the right time. Shall trust Him. Super tired now. Shall write about what I gather from the book "The Sacred Romanace" the next time I come online. HUI NAN THANKS FOR THE BOOK, ITS A GREAT XMAS GIFT!
Wont be in Sinagapore on Sunday and Monday. Will be in at Kelong, Malaysia! YEAH
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 11:43 PM|*
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*|GOD IS JUST SO AMAZING!!!
Oh my gosh!!! I really had an amazing day today! REALLY!!! I dunno where to start. Its just so amazing. I learn a lot today, like really a lot. God is like talking to me the whole day thru the bible, thru sunday school. thru oikos sharing session, thru lunch conversation wif Nan and Ri Xin, thru poetry slam, thru conversations with Hui nan's fren and then thru conversation with Hui nan. Tats a lot right??? Haha God is really incredible!!!
Erm... I start off wif Sunday school and bible. Today my sunday school cher talked about Genesis chapter erm... was it 20??? Cant rmb the number. And there was this particular part where ...ok I go get the bible, shall stop being lazy. Ok back, its chapter 21 and it talks about Sarah wanting Abraham to get rid of Hagar and her son. We were all discussing about whether it is fair to Hagar that Issac is to inherit everything and not her son. Then my cher said this and it really hit me how true it is. I mean wad do we know about fairness? Wad is our benchmark of fairness??? How do we judge if something is fair a not and how accurate are we in judging fairness??? In reality, only God can judge wad is fair and wads not. Each time we say something is fair or sth is not fair, it is based on our own standard and not God's standard. It really makes me think of all the times where I told myself that my parents are not treating me fairly but now I know I am wrong to say that. I mean in my eyes I see it as unfair, I definitely do not see the whole picture but God does and in His eyes, it may be fair. The fact that I dunno wad God's standard of fairness is means that there is no way I can judge whether something is fair or not. And I use to do that, always saying that my parents are treating me unfairly. Tats why I never seemed to get over wad happen in my family in the past cos all I think about when it come to fairness is me, me, me. It was never my parents or my brother but me. Today I finally realise that I am doing all that. After learning about this today, I really feel so much better. I dun get upset even if I thought about wad happen in the past, think about all those unhappy stuff. I must really say God has finally helped me overcome my past. Its cos of God that I can finally let go and move on!
Today, Hwee Min's dad shared something during oikos. He said that parents love their child even though they sometimes dun show it. It really touched me cos wad he said is really true. Sometimes I think tha my paretns dun love me at all. I know deep down in my heart that it is not true but I just keep rejecting the truth and hold on to the lie that my parents dislike me. Its cos I kept thinking back about how unfairly they have treated me. But today I know I am wrong and finally accepted the truth that my parents love me. They dun say it out loud but their actions really speak louder than words. Can really tell that my parents cares for me. How they get so worried when I come home late. How they really care about me in every ways and yet I was blinded by all the negative thoughts and my past. I didnt appreciated them much in the past but now I really thank God for really showing me how much my parents cared for me and that they really loved me and it was really foolish of me to think that they hate me and dun love me at all. I am really foolish to think that way. I am so glad that God changed my thinking today.
I wentto the poetry slam with Hui Nan today. I am so glad I went. Hui nan pointed out one thing that I found out was really true. Most people will write poens about themselves, and thei poems tend to be those sad sad or angry type. There was 4 contestants altogether this poetry slam thing. 2 of them was Hui Nan's fren. Marc and Marc's brother, Ivan izzit??? Dunno how to spell Mark's brother's name. The other 2 contestants wrote those typical poems and seriously no matter how hard I tried to grasp wad they saying. Their poems got me lost after like a few words. Their poems revolve around themselves but Mark and his brother's poem is really different. Theirs was about the Lord and I could understand the whole poem. Everything, really everything. There is just this huge difference betweeen their poem and the other 2, theirs revovle round God and it wasn't just me who understand and like their poem much more than the other 2. Even those audience who were asked to be judges for today's poetry slam understand and liked their poem about the Lord. In the end, they won the contest cos they were doing it not for themselves but for God. Its not like they preaching or anything but I am sure the audience do feel the differnce between their poem and the other 2. Their poem was more meaningful, more I dunno how to describe... more true, more close to the heart and soul. Thats cos it was about God. God is really amazing!
Anyway after that we (Hui Nan, the 2 brother and this other guy, cheng yao) went for supper. I didnt think of this till I was on the way home. It struck me that if Ri Xin went, things would turn out to be very different. If Ri Xin went, I would have gone home with her and not stick around for supper and if I were to have gone home, I wouldn't have found out how it is like to be really thristy for God's words. Its not that I dun want Ri Xin to go for the poetry slam. I was thinking wad a pity that Ri Xin didn't go but I guess God has His reasons for that and His reasons are definitely good! No doubt about that! We went to McDonalds and talked a lot about God. They really breathe and live God's words. Can tell that God is their centre of life. They know so much so much about God and I learn lots of stuffs from them. They tell real life stories of man who died preaching God's words and Hui nan told me on the MRT ride home about this 2 amazing man. 1 was a ang mo, the other is an indian... I not sure I got their race right but these 2 guys went to Tibet smuggling bibles into that country. Hui Nan told me how they escaped from the authorities who were after then. It is really amazing. There is only 1 bus to this area in Tibet and u can tell how easy it is to be caught by the authorities. The authorities chased them and they caught the ang mo. The ang mo's passport was taken away. Just then the ang mo heard God telling him to take his paaport and run and when the ang mo looked up, the authorities were like frozen, cant move and the ang mo did wad God said, he took the passport and run up to the bus where the indian was. The authorities caught up wif them of course in the bus and u know how noticeable an ang mo and an indian can be among the chinese. One look and u spot them. So the both of them were prepared to carried out prison ministry but God is really amazing!!! The authorities search the whole bus and though they were in plain sight, they never got spotted at all. God is really amazing!!! I mean how do u hide an ang mo and an indian among chinese. There is no way any human can do that but God can! Nothing is impossible to God!
We were also talking about music and all that and before Hui Nan and I parted ways with Mark and his brother, Mark was talking about how we should all write more poems about God and how few people are doing that. It really rreminded me of the christian band that Zi Xuan and I want to start. I wanna write songs and like how Hui Nan and Ri Xin talked about over lunch, songs should revovled round God and not about how we christians are worshipping Him. Its so true, the focus of christian songs should be God and not us. Without God there is no Us to start with. U know, all these conversations got me thinking of how I want the band to be. Now I know wad the main focus of songs should be, it should be on God and not about us. Its something that we have to take note constantly if not we might just lose focus and get caught up in songs that basically talked about us, us, us and not about God.
Haha wad a long long blog. After wad happen today, I really understand wad it mean to be thristy for God's words. I want to be like that too. I wanna know more about God. I wanna have a closer relationship with God. I know Gid is real. I know He is. I never felt this hungry for God's words before. My life is more focused now and with God, it is really much more meaningful. God really changed me. I know He is cos the old me will not write about all this stuff. The old me will still be upset each time I think of the past. The old me will think how unfair my parents are. But God changed me. Now I keep thinking of wanting to do something for God. I want to start a band and write songs about God. I want the songs to touch others just like how christian songs touched me. Some might say that I am just all talk and no action. In the past, I guess I am like that but today onwards I dun wanna be like that. I want to live my life for God. I see how God has blessed others and I wanna be blessed too. I see how amazing God is and how He work thru God-centered christians and I wanna be like that too. I wanna experienced God everyday, every part of my life cos God is just so amazing and wonderful.
Did I mention that I went home late and I expected my mother to scold me as usual but surprisingly, she didnt scold me at all, she chatted with me and even allowed me to talk to the phone for a while when Xiu Jing called instead of sending me straight to the bathroom to bathe like she always do. I can't believe it! Really must thank God for that. Haha I told God to let me not be tired so soon so that I can type all this out on my blog. I dunno why I said that but I felt that someone out there would read it and get to know how amazing God is. I may be afriad to share about God thru sharing sessions during oikos. Maybe not is cos I am not that comfortable when it comes to speaking and I feel so much better writing or rather typing it all out. I dun want this uncomfortable feeling to hinder me from wad I really wanna say. Oh did I also mention that my mother thought the reason I came home so late cos I was dating. HAHA LOL!!! She gotta be kidding. I dun even have a BF in the first place to go dating. LOL! I am so thankful to God for everything that happens today! GOD IS SO GREAT, SO AMAZING, SO WONDERFUL! He is more than our creator, He is also a father to all of us!!!
P.S. God, let me be able to publish this cos from past experiences each time I typed sth about God in my blog, sth bad will happen. I really hope that this entry get published successfully!
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 11:45 PM|*
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*|Time to move on!!!
YEAH!!! I am finally using the internet. LOL! I dunno who in e world have time to read blogs nowadays amidst their busy gals. Well, I guess I shall still continue to blog. At least I can always look back once in awhile and reflect. Haha! Guess this is kinda like my online diary where I pour out all my feelings and thoughts.
Dunno if I did mention but I am so happy that I finally got a life application bible. Finally I can read God's words and really grasp the meaning of wad he says. Haha... Somehow I really learn a lot and God is like talking to me thru the bible. My life is getting better. As for my past, no matter how hurtful it is, I am finally willing to let it go and move on. No point letting it tie me down, shall learn from my past and create a better future for myself and my frens surrounding me. Really thankful that I have God in my life. Shall bid farewell to my previous chapter of life. ITS TIME TO START A NEW ONE! Its time I be a better someone abd do something about my life. To my frens who walk into my life, no matter whether I still keep in contact with u all, still wanna thank u guys and gals for being there.
Oh Did I mention that Ophe and I wanna start a christian band. Haha I wanna create music and read songs about God and His wonderful songs. Want those songs to touch the hearts of the listeners. Wanna do something for God. Shall discover God's gifts to me and use it to glorify His name. YEAH! Haha I have a goal in life and I shall work towards it no matter how tough. Shall never give up. Even if I fall down once in a while, I am going to force myself to stand up again and go on. Don't wanna lose. Wanna be strong. For God, I shall do that! Haha So glad I have take the 1st step and tat is to let go of my past. Makes me feel so much better and happier! Haha Shall go type some stuff for Ophe liao. Ending work on 17JUNE, SO HAPPY!!! GOODBYE MAZDA, I GETTING OUT OF THERE! Haha LOL, dun really like it there but I really like my collegues even though all of them are adults in their thirties or fourties! :)
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 1:06 AM|*
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*|Arts festival
Finally I am blogging. I have been busy everyday, working till evening and after work I head straight to the Esplande outdoor theatre to catch all the various performances. I have watched erm... more than 5performances in less than a week and there are 2 performances that really mesmerised me from the start till the end.
The 1st one was "Private screening with Gina Tan". Was with Suzanna jie jie, Joshua and Jon-Jon tat day but in the end, they walked to the merlion to take photos while I stayed there and watched 2 sets of the performance alone, not that I mind. Gina Tan is really not bad but I love her pianist's singing even more. He sang with Micheal Bolton - "Go The Distance" with all his heart and soul. MY GOSH!!! When he sang tat song, many stopped walking past the outdoor theatre. In fact, people started to gather round and listen, and I mean really listen to him sing. Even the kids did tat. HE IS FANTASTIC!!! Wish I can hear him sing again. When he sang that song, I bet many people are inspired by tat song and felt that they can go the distance. The way he sang it is really WOW!!!!!!!!
Oh yah the other performance tat I really like is "Barebones Acoustica" by Wendi Koh. She is really funny, really know how to lighten up the atmosphere and makes us laugh!!! She perform along side with Kat Ong and Rith LING. The song you are hearing now is written by her. Its called "Gutsy Girl". TIRED!!! LOGGING OFF!!!
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 1:32 AM|*
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