*|By myself...
Sometimes I wished I could talk to someone about all the things I am going through but the thing but no one wanna hears. Well, even if I say it my friend will just stop me halfway and say to change topic. The thing is I dun wanna change topic, I wanna get it out of me. Sometimes I really feel lonely especially within my family. So many things hapened within us and they could forget them so easily but I could not because I am greatly affect by what they say. And its just that all these have been going on for years and its difficult for me to share anything with my church friend because well, my brother is there and I dun want what I say to change the way they see my brother or whatsoever. And I didnt want any of the things I say to be heard with my brother or anything. I know people say to forgive and to forget. Forgive I guess I can do that but forget that is hard too you know. If your dad tells you in the face that all you know is how to ask him for money. Will you not be hurt by what he says? Will you forget it the next instance or will it be embeded in your memory forever?
I feel so small and insignificant sometimes and the only one that lifts me up is God. That is what he did for me today. I read the devotional entry in my upmost highest and the whole entry is just like God speaking to me directly. he is right... there may be no one to encourage me or wadsoever but I have to perserve. I cannot give up, I must not. I just wish my parents really cares for me but neh... They dun even understand me. They don't know my dreams or goals. No common interest, here I am an art person and they not the least care about it as I do. I am on my own with God and I guess its ok. I got God, that's more than enough, more than what I ask for.
March 6 devotional
"... in much patience, in tribulation, in needs, in distresses"
(2 Corinthians 6:4)
When you have no vision from God, no enthusiam left in your life, and no one watching and encouragaing you, it requires the grace of Almightly God to take the next step in your devotion to Him, in the reading and studying of His word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. It takes much more of the grace of God, and a greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step, than it does to preach the gospel.
Every christian must experience the essence of the incarnation by bringing the next step down into flesh-and-blood reality and by working it out with his hands. We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The things that testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perserverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you. Never allow yourself to think that some tasks are beneath your dignity or too insignificant for you to do, and remind yourself of the example of Christ in John 13:1-17.
Kinda at eased now though I am a bit upset. Guess cos I am watching the oscars and the happiness from the winners I can feel it and the soft tingling music just soothes me. Erm... dun really know what I am typing but who cares.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 12:46 AM|*
...