I feel very guilty now... Was complaining and talking bad stuff about my supposedly "close" frens. I know I should not do that but for once I just wanna talk about it... I have been keeping everything inside me and I know that if I dun get it out soon, I might just explode one day and say stuff that are really hurtful. I dun wanna do that. I just wish my "close" frens can just stop the way they acting but really who am I to judge when in the first place, I have done what they done before. I just payed that I will not be like that anymore.. That is not the way Jesus will want me to behave. I am suppose to love my friends the way I want them to love me.

Haiz~ 4D lessons... Sigh... it is horrible. Dun wanna talk about it. I am glad that well, out of this, I actually found one true friend in class. Tracey! Sigh... shall not talk bout all this cos I probably get more fed up as I type n let hatred n anger take over me. No I don't want that. Learning to let go and loving and trusting others... I know God is teaching me that. He has for a long long time and it is not easy. He gave me a really tough situation to deal with, my family and I really had to rely on God because without Him, I would become so down, so fill with hatred and anger. Quarrels and arguments in my family really affect me a lot in all aspects... I can still remember how bad it was but really relying on God... It makes everything more bearable. It gives me a whole new viewpoint to the whole situation at hand and I learn many things. I definitely learn not to take things for granted and really be thankful for what I have.

Somehow I am glad that I have a blog. At least, I am open to share it here and probably the things I said here, I guess my sec sch frens and my jc frens never knew about it cos I dun tell them. When it comes to my family problems, my frens I am sure never hear a single word about it. Partly cos I will usually end up breaking down so I didnt wanna mention it. But I am glad that I start to be more open to my church frens, at least we can support each other in prayer. Prayer is so important. Just wish that I stop being nervous when it comes to speaking aloud. I always want to say my thoughts but each time I did I got so nervous I forgot what I wanna say and start cutting some parts out. That must really learn.

Today Rev Zhong (Erm... I hope I got his surname right??? Oh dear, it seems wrong) asked us what we are afrad of most. Well, I am afraid of being further or leaving God cos I cant imagine my life without Him. Rev say there was a person who was afriad that his/her family is not saved. I am very afraid of that too. I really want my family and friends to be saved. I really want them too. During Sunday school, we were talking about Mother Teresa and how she helped the poor. I was thining the poor need Jesus but actually the rich need it even more and it is even harder for the rich (some, not all) to accept Jeus because well, they have money, they can buy wadever they want and in a way, most will think why do I need Jesus, I have money, successful career, fame etc. Well I think sometimes we christain only remember Jesus when we are down, we tend to forget Him when we are happy and life is smooth sailing. I admit too that sometimes I forget. Well I guess the rich (some rich ppl, not all) does not see how Jesus can be part of their life when they dun have much wordly troubles (refering to money, materialistic stuffs etc) but how about the spritual bit? I think we have to reach out to them just as we reach out to the less fortunate cos really it is those rich and famous that influences the thinking of the youth espcially the actors and singers like that. The rich and famous... their actions are always copied by many cos many just wanna be like them. They think it is cool and that it is the in thing but is it the right thing? Is it how Jeus really want us to think, feel and behave.

Well, that are just some of my thoughts. Mission trip is coming and I wonder what God has installed for us and the people there? It probably be amazing as always. After all the person we talking about here is God, the creator of this Earth and us too! I have said this many times but I shall say again, GOD IS SO GREAT, SO LOVING!!!

Thank you God for all that you have done for me. Thank you so much.