Today I had Sunday school and Mei Juan lao shi was talking about God's calling. She asked us whether we had experienced God's calling before and actually before she even asked that question, when she started talking about that topic, my mind was instantly a YES! God revealed His plan to me before and I do remember a few moments in my life and yet at the point in time when she asked me, I said no. And the first thing I said to myself then was that I lied and I am sorry that I did that. I feel ashamed of myself that I let fear take over me. Havn't I tolde myself many times recently about what I read that F.E.A.R is actually False Evidence Against Reality. I was afraid of being wrong, afraid of being laughed at and yet I know that what I should say is not wrong at all. But I still said No and I well... almost cried cos I was upset with myself for saying No. The opportunity that God gave me to witness about my life, I said no, I rejected it. How many times am I going to do that? I dun wanna say no, I dun wanna live with this guilt, I dun wanna let Jesus down and yet I did. I am just thankful that we are still continuing this sunday school topic for the next lesson and this time I intend to speak up. I wont let Satan stop me, I wont let him tell me that I am wrong. I wont. I will pray for God to keep Satan away. I wanna say what God wants me to say about my life. I dun wanna keep quiet. I dun wanna let Jesus down again. I dun wanna do that. I know I can't do this by relying on my own strength. I need Jesus. Jesus, I really need you.

Looking back on my life, I must say I am blessed and I did learn 2 important lessons of waiting... that God's timing is not our timing and of not blaming God for my life. Since young, I love drawing and I did thought of studying arts but I never did consider it seriously. Come to think of it, there were many instances where I could have gone to study art and not bother about God's plan for me. If I did what I thought I was right then, I would not have gotten in to NTU ADM. Sec 3, I knew I could study art if I want to but I didn't. I mean I was 1st in the whole sec 2 level, wadever classes I wanna be in, I could just go and take it but in the end, I stick to science though I am not really fond of it. In sec 4, La Salle came to my schol and set up a small exhibition and I am glad that somehow I ignoreed it. And I am glad that at 16 I didnt bother much about my future as in I didnt wanna make a decision of what my career I wanted cos if I did I would have probably gone to ngee ann poly to study this animation course. In J1, I sort of wanted to study arts and once again I ended up in science and lasalle came to my sch and I was like... I wanna go lasalle study but of course, i couldn't do that. If I did I be wasting my time in jc and my parents will probably kill me cos I dun think that they think learning arts can make much of a living. So there I was miserable and all that and I rmb kept blaming God, kept questioning him why my life is like that. It is only after A level, that I saw the NTU ADM advertisement and I knew I had to be there. Come to think of it, God had already got everything planned out. He made sure that ADM got established the year that I was about to enter university. Kinda realised then that I should not blame God. All along he had heard my wish, knew what I want. I learn that God's timing is not my timing. What may seem right to me may not seem like the right timing to God. It is always always best to wait for God to show the way first. (P.S walking ahead of God aka thinking that you know better about what sth than God and thus doing what you think u should do is not advisable) I find it really incredible cos I must admit my art isn't that good compared to the others and I got selcted among 1000 plus people. It make me realise that I got in not based on my ability but rather God put me there. It is then that I know that this is where God wants me to be.

That is why these days I enjoy school so much though homework is a lot and much more difficult than last semester. Last semester was the adjusting period but this semester is the enjoying period. I made a deal with myself that I must not waste my 4 years in university. I must study hard for God. He put me here though I dun deserved it cos I am sure out of the 1000 plus people, many are way beter than me. I also knew that his plan for me involves animation though I am not exactly how. I must admit that I cried watching animation like beauty and the beast or emperor new groove. I dunno but nowadays people seem to be desensitized. All they want from movies is just fast paced action. I can give some examples, some people when they watched a character die on screen, they just be sad and ok that is it. But for me I be touched and moved cos I see more than the dying part, I see the person giving his life so that his other friend can be saved and that just reminds me of God. How God loved us so much that he send Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. I see that in the show Beauty and the beast. Beast he loved Belle so much yet he let her leave him so that she can look after her father. Isn't that what God will do? He think about others before himself. And Belle when she sees beast, she does not see a hideous monster ... what she sees is his heart. Isn't that what God does too... see us for who we are inside and not bothering bout how we look on the outside. In Mulan 2, Shang was holding on to Mulan who was holding on to a rope of the broken bridge with raging waters at the far bottom. However, the rope could not hold the weight of both of them and Shang wilingly let go of Mulan's hand so that she may live. That is kinda like Jesus dying on the cross for our sins so hat we may live in heaven for eternity which we couldn't if we hav sins.

Actually God planned everything even before I was born. My god mother told me that actually they planned to buy a flat at 6th avenue but in the end they decided to stay in bukit batok which so happens to be the same block and same floor as I am. Without them, I wouldn't have gone to church and know Jesus personally. And without going to church, I would not have met Hui Nan (are you reading this Hui Nan? :P ) and her christian friends from history makers and without meeting them I would not have started to seriously consider my relationship with Jesus. How close it was and all that. Its cos of all these that I now really starting to want to have a closer relationship with Jesus. I want my friends and parents to see Jesus in me and I really hope that someday they accept Christ. I can't imagine life without Christ. Well, I have gone through a few years after I know of Jesus. I left him and my childhood days without Him was terrible. It was the worst period ever. That period I was a rebel, I was rude, stubborn and well, not a very nice person. Really... life without Jesus was terrible and well that part of life really left a huge scar in me and well... its healing now. I am glad that I am back with Jesus again. Really glad. I really wished my parents and my friends will know Him and love Him.

I better go to sleep now. Got school tml at 9am and its like almost 2am. Shall save a copy of what I typed on my laptop. Knowing Satan, he will try to stop me from publishing this. There were many times when I wrote about God and could not published it and cos I didnt save a copy of it using mircosoft words, I had to retype what I wrote. Either that or something bad will happen after I published it, something like a quarrel or wadsosver, something that makes me question God why He gave me such a life, such a family, something that will cause my faith in Christ to falter. But there is something I will always remember is that Satan cant stop me. He cant stop me from talking about Jesus on my blog. Because in actual fact Satan has already lost to God, so nothing to worry about since I am definitely on God's side. But of course as always, it is easier said then done. I guess that is how prayers come into play. Haha I can go on and on forever about God but I am super tired have to go sleep liao. NIGHT to whoever who is reading this entry! Sorry it is very long.