Why didn't tell me earlier that youdon't approve. Why tell me now? Why do I listen? Cos you are my father thats why. ARGH!!! I feel like I have let my friend down, I mean after everything we have planned so happily to go JB and my dad tell me now that he doesn't like me going. Why can't he say earlier. It is like 8hrs more before I actually meet my friend go JB. Now I feel like I let her down. But I didn't want my father to be unhappy so I guess I am not going. Really sad, wish I can talk to somebody. Well I am chatting with one of my friends online now, or trying to chat since there is no reply from my friend. I really hope Firdy isn't angry with me cos of this. I dunno why I actually listen but I feel guilty if I go and my dad doesn't approve. Sigh... ennough bout this. I just watch the movie by myself then. I know a fren who wanna go but is a guy and well I already decide long ago not to go out with guys alone. Haha... oh well, knowing me, I better don't. The only guys I will go out alone will of course be the church guys, my close buddies. Haha

Looking back since school started, well... I changed quite a bit in terms of my thinking and all that. LOL, I even know what I wanted to be in the future. I am not worrying about it and amazingly, I really achieved quite a few of my dreams this year. I think I should go ask my parents if I can be baptise. I hope the answer is a yes. If it is a no, I guess I wait till I am 21. I really wish my parents are christian and that they see me get baptised. I just feel that baptism is such a joyous occasion but it is not like I can share it with my family. My parents are not christians. You know, sometimes I wonder what it is to grown up in a christian family with loving parents to provide guidance, in terms of christian life. But I guess I never know how it feel like. I made a mess of my childhood I must say. Childhood aren't my happy days. I guess I never was true to myself in a way, always hiding behind a mask, always pretending to be someone I am not. I am definitely very good at that during my sec sch days but I changed. Good thing I changed for the better.

unno why I rack up the past. Oh well, I really hope that I get to go to next April's mission trip. I must go, I wanna go. I am sure there be lots if obstacle in my way. Well, I have one already, money. It's not that diun have money or wadsoever but I dun wish to take money from my parents. Afterall, only my dad is working and my art materials costs a bomb. Just feel very bad about all that expenses and I dun wanna add somemore stuff to it. And I didnt want to draw money from my bank. How to save $700 in 4 or 5mths plus when I dun work and get only $20 for weekly allowance. Well taking about mission trip I rmb what God told me yeaterday through the bible "The harvest is so great, the workers are so few. Pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest to send out more workers into the field for his harvest." I do just that. Really, there are a few people going. I mean look at the chinese side youth, the only people who can go are those in uni or A levels students waiting to enter uni which is like so few. But shall pray, at least we know one thing, the harvest is great! Now that is something to rejoice about :)

It's 3am plus, better go sleep soon. NIGHTS!