Damn angry now. Wads wrong with my mother... Which part of this phrase "clear already" does she not understand!!! I have already cleared my cupboard and those things I want I have already out it on the shelf. And now she ask me to clear them... I HAVE CLEARED IT ALREADY! Wad cant u understand! CLEARED ALREADY!!! Apparently my mum's meaning of clearing the cupboard is throw away everything! Damn it then y ask me clear might as well say throw away all, might as well throw away the whole cupboard so the whole room will be bare. Why keep asking me to clear the bloody cupboard when I have already cleared it? Why not ask Cedric to clear his toys that he put inmy cupboard and obviously he dun play with them anymore!!! Why not ask him clear??? Why must I clear when I have already cleared and hav NOTHING, I REPEAT NOTHING else to clear. Damn pissed off now! DAMN PISSED! Now she is nagging at me again! So it is my fault! Fine... Everything is my fault! It is my fault for not clearing, my fault for entering this faculty and having to buy all the art stuff, YAH, everything is my fault. Even if Cedric's table is messy, my mother will not scold him and now that my table is messy a bit and not as messy as Cedric, she scolded me. Fine! FINE! Since young till now, it is always me, always me! Say it then, everything is my fault! I am the one who caused the whole family to be thisway. I am the one who caused my brother's attitude to be like that. Afterall this i not the 1st time she is saying this, might as well go ahead nand say!!! SAY IT!!! EVERYTHING IS MY BLOODY FAULT! Might as well say I am a useless and worthless girl... But then again, I be been said as thatmany times... Fine this is not the 1st time anyway... this is like more than 50times. I didnt say anything when my mother refuses to move this big foldable table (AND SHE NEVER FOLDS IT) which she uses as an ironing table from my room. I didn't say anything when my bro didn't wanna clear hos toys.

So much for evrything. Though I put as nick as "Damn pissed, dun talk to me", I wished my close frens will talk to me but Fat hope... They not even online. I am angry till tears but oh well... This isnt the 1st time. So much for getting over my past. So much for everything. Each time something good happens or when I finally got over my past, something bad will happen such that everything just comes back and all I am is hurt, very hurt but I learn to deal with it. Its not the first time anyway.

U know how funny it is... I wanted to talk to someone and I thought of Hui Nan and the next moment... Hui Nan talked to me. I am feeling so much better now. U know it is really very coincidental tat the chapter of this book "More like Jesus" that I am reading now is about "A forgiving heart". God really has his unique way of teaching me things... But his ways are hard, but cos it is hard, the fruits is much better than before. Haiz~ Oh well... Guess I just have to throw away some of my stuff afterall.