Oh my gosh!!! I really had an amazing day today! REALLY!!! I dunno where to start. Its just so amazing. I learn a lot today, like really a lot. God is like talking to me the whole day thru the bible, thru sunday school. thru oikos sharing session, thru lunch conversation wif Nan and Ri Xin, thru poetry slam, thru conversations with Hui nan's fren and then thru conversation with Hui nan. Tats a lot right??? Haha God is really incredible!!!

Erm... I start off wif Sunday school and bible. Today my sunday school cher talked about Genesis chapter erm... was it 20??? Cant rmb the number. And there was this particular part where ...ok I go get the bible, shall stop being lazy. Ok back, its chapter 21 and it talks about Sarah wanting Abraham to get rid of Hagar and her son. We were all discussing about whether it is fair to Hagar that Issac is to inherit everything and not her son. Then my cher said this and it really hit me how true it is. I mean wad do we know about fairness? Wad is our benchmark of fairness??? How do we judge if something is fair a not and how accurate are we in judging fairness??? In reality, only God can judge wad is fair and wads not. Each time we say something is fair or sth is not fair, it is based on our own standard and not God's standard. It really makes me think of all the times where I told myself that my parents are not treating me fairly but now I know I am wrong to say that. I mean in my eyes I see it as unfair, I definitely do not see the whole picture but God does and in His eyes, it may be fair. The fact that I dunno wad God's standard of fairness is means that there is no way I can judge whether something is fair or not. And I use to do that, always saying that my parents are treating me unfairly. Tats why I never seemed to get over wad happen in my family in the past cos all I think about when it come to fairness is me, me, me. It was never my parents or my brother but me. Today I finally realise that I am doing all that. After learning about this today, I really feel so much better. I dun get upset even if I thought about wad happen in the past, think about all those unhappy stuff. I must really say God has finally helped me overcome my past. Its cos of God that I can finally let go and move on!

Today, Hwee Min's dad shared something during oikos. He said that parents love their child even though they sometimes dun show it. It really touched me cos wad he said is really true. Sometimes I think tha my paretns dun love me at all. I know deep down in my heart that it is not true but I just keep rejecting the truth and hold on to the lie that my parents dislike me. Its cos I kept thinking back about how unfairly they have treated me. But today I know I am wrong and finally accepted the truth that my parents love me. They dun say it out loud but their actions really speak louder than words. Can really tell that my parents cares for me. How they get so worried when I come home late. How they really care about me in every ways and yet I was blinded by all the negative thoughts and my past. I didnt appreciated them much in the past but now I really thank God for really showing me how much my parents cared for me and that they really loved me and it was really foolish of me to think that they hate me and dun love me at all. I am really foolish to think that way. I am so glad that God changed my thinking today.

I wentto the poetry slam with Hui Nan today. I am so glad I went. Hui nan pointed out one thing that I found out was really true. Most people will write poens about themselves, and thei poems tend to be those sad sad or angry type. There was 4 contestants altogether this poetry slam thing. 2 of them was Hui Nan's fren. Marc and Marc's brother, Ivan izzit??? Dunno how to spell Mark's brother's name. The other 2 contestants wrote those typical poems and seriously no matter how hard I tried to grasp wad they saying. Their poems got me lost after like a few words. Their poems revolve around themselves but Mark and his brother's poem is really different. Theirs was about the Lord and I could understand the whole poem. Everything, really everything. There is just this huge difference betweeen their poem and the other 2, theirs revovle round God and it wasn't just me who understand and like their poem much more than the other 2. Even those audience who were asked to be judges for today's poetry slam understand and liked their poem about the Lord. In the end, they won the contest cos they were doing it not for themselves but for God. Its not like they preaching or anything but I am sure the audience do feel the differnce between their poem and the other 2. Their poem was more meaningful, more I dunno how to describe... more true, more close to the heart and soul. Thats cos it was about God. God is really amazing!

Anyway after that we (Hui Nan, the 2 brother and this other guy, cheng yao) went for supper. I didnt think of this till I was on the way home. It struck me that if Ri Xin went, things would turn out to be very different. If Ri Xin went, I would have gone home with her and not stick around for supper and if I were to have gone home, I wouldn't have found out how it is like to be really thristy for God's words. Its not that I dun want Ri Xin to go for the poetry slam. I was thinking wad a pity that Ri Xin didn't go but I guess God has His reasons for that and His reasons are definitely good! No doubt about that! We went to McDonalds and talked a lot about God. They really breathe and live God's words. Can tell that God is their centre of life. They know so much so much about God and I learn lots of stuffs from them. They tell real life stories of man who died preaching God's words and Hui nan told me on the MRT ride home about this 2 amazing man. 1 was a ang mo, the other is an indian... I not sure I got their race right but these 2 guys went to Tibet smuggling bibles into that country. Hui Nan told me how they escaped from the authorities who were after then. It is really amazing. There is only 1 bus to this area in Tibet and u can tell how easy it is to be caught by the authorities. The authorities chased them and they caught the ang mo. The ang mo's passport was taken away. Just then the ang mo heard God telling him to take his paaport and run and when the ang mo looked up, the authorities were like frozen, cant move and the ang mo did wad God said, he took the passport and run up to the bus where the indian was. The authorities caught up wif them of course in the bus and u know how noticeable an ang mo and an indian can be among the chinese. One look and u spot them. So the both of them were prepared to carried out prison ministry but God is really amazing!!! The authorities search the whole bus and though they were in plain sight, they never got spotted at all. God is really amazing!!! I mean how do u hide an ang mo and an indian among chinese. There is no way any human can do that but God can! Nothing is impossible to God!

We were also talking about music and all that and before Hui Nan and I parted ways with Mark and his brother, Mark was talking about how we should all write more poems about God and how few people are doing that. It really rreminded me of the christian band that Zi Xuan and I want to start. I wanna write songs and like how Hui Nan and Ri Xin talked about over lunch, songs should revovled round God and not about how we christians are worshipping Him. Its so true, the focus of christian songs should be God and not us. Without God there is no Us to start with. U know, all these conversations got me thinking of how I want the band to be. Now I know wad the main focus of songs should be, it should be on God and not about us. Its something that we have to take note constantly if not we might just lose focus and get caught up in songs that basically talked about us, us, us and not about God.

Haha wad a long long blog. After wad happen today, I really understand wad it mean to be thristy for God's words. I want to be like that too. I wanna know more about God. I wanna have a closer relationship with God. I know Gid is real. I know He is. I never felt this hungry for God's words before. My life is more focused now and with God, it is really much more meaningful. God really changed me. I know He is cos the old me will not write about all this stuff. The old me will still be upset each time I think of the past. The old me will think how unfair my parents are. But God changed me. Now I keep thinking of wanting to do something for God. I want to start a band and write songs about God. I want the songs to touch others just like how christian songs touched me. Some might say that I am just all talk and no action. In the past, I guess I am like that but today onwards I dun wanna be like that. I want to live my life for God. I see how God has blessed others and I wanna be blessed too. I see how amazing God is and how He work thru God-centered christians and I wanna be like that too. I wanna experienced God everyday, every part of my life cos God is just so amazing and wonderful.

Did I mention that I went home late and I expected my mother to scold me as usual but surprisingly, she didnt scold me at all, she chatted with me and even allowed me to talk to the phone for a while when Xiu Jing called instead of sending me straight to the bathroom to bathe like she always do. I can't believe it! Really must thank God for that. Haha I told God to let me not be tired so soon so that I can type all this out on my blog. I dunno why I said that but I felt that someone out there would read it and get to know how amazing God is. I may be afriad to share about God thru sharing sessions during oikos. Maybe not is cos I am not that comfortable when it comes to speaking and I feel so much better writing or rather typing it all out. I dun want this uncomfortable feeling to hinder me from wad I really wanna say. Oh did I also mention that my mother thought the reason I came home so late cos I was dating. HAHA LOL!!! She gotta be kidding. I dun even have a BF in the first place to go dating. LOL! I am so thankful to God for everything that happens today! GOD IS SO GREAT, SO AMAZING, SO WONDERFUL! He is more than our creator, He is also a father to all of us!!!

P.S. God, let me be able to publish this cos from past experiences each time I typed sth about God in my blog, sth bad will happen. I really hope that this entry get published successfully!