*|Overwhelmed with anger and sadness
Damn pissed off. Today after econ lect I went to the [hotocopy shop in my sch n asked for 5 copies of VJC maths prelim. Damn pissed... I waited for every long and the aunty keep forgetting to print wad I wanted. Wads worse, the aunty keep on print for those ppl queuing behind me... she printed, econs, maths n wadever shit they want... excuse me 4 my use of words but I'm damn pissed. All I wanted was 5 VJC maths prelim... cos Yun they all dun wan NJC maths too n the aunty like print these 2 math prelim papers together. So those ppl behind they wanted 10 plus copies of VJC n NJC paper and the aunty printed for them... n I keep seeing ppl behind me just asking the anuty to print more n more VJC cum NJC papers... N they got wad they wanted. Damn irritated... I waited for 30 bloody mins... 30 bloody mins... n tat aunty keep forgetting wad Iwanted. All I wanted was tat damn 5 copies of VJC paper. I saw other J2 classes ppl happily walking off wif the VJC cum NJC paper. At a point in time, this gp of gals did lok at me cos they know they cutting queu and they got their maths paper chem paper n wadever shit paper... How the hell I know. Can tell... they know they cutting queue, they dun bother. Just when I was bout to walk off, the aunt asked me if I wanted VJC cum NJC, she told me VJC paper alone got to wait... Come on get real... I wanted 5 copies and she had already printed 31 copies plus of VJC n NJC... how difficult is it to print only 5 VJC paper. Damn it, in the end I heck care n buy 5 copies of VJC n NJC paper. If my frens dunn wan them I shall just tear in up in their face n throw it in the dustbin... too damn pissed off to care.
I got so angry tat once I left school... that my eyes started to tear. I dun like being angry or sad cos I keep on remembering about very sad events tat happened in the past. These events left too deep a wound in my heart that I just cant forget. I am a person who think too much when I am sad or angry. I just keep playing back all the bad memories or bad things tat happened to me in the past. It is really overwhelming and I just wished I can cried and forget bout everything but it hurts too much that even though it happened years ago, I cant forget it. There is no way I can erase it from my memories. It is so suffocating... just imagine for more than 10 years, all my anger, pain and sadness, I told no one, not a single soul... well I only told GOD. And everytime I needed someone to be there, no one was there for me. Sometimes, I can cry or my eyes start tearing and my fres who are standing beside me, they dun even know. It just too much for me to bear. But I dun really want them to know, I just dun. Ke Wei, my 1st 3mths classmate was the only person who could tell that I am not really who I am. She is e 1st person who saw tat there is 2 sides of me... 1 is the happy always trying to be lame... She knows tat I am not telling sth or tat I hiding sth. I guess she is right. It is only when I went for my church camp 2 years ago, tat I started playing angel mortal game and started to really share wif my frens my problems. Really... I shouldn't bottle them up. I really should let go of my past but it is so hard to just forget. Haiz... It is high time I learn to control my feelings and prevent from myself from being overwhelmed by wad is happening around me. I dun wan little incidents to slowly affect my mood... Haiz... at least now I feeling so much better. Not as pissed off or as sad as b4. Oh well... time to put a smile on my face since it is my mother's bday today.
*|cailing scribbled on the sand at 5:22 PM|*
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