"If I ever saw an angel, it was in your eyes."

Jia you Babe - an entry dedicated to you

2008-04-27T12:22:00.003+08:00

Hiya babe. I read your blog. Thank God for you. You really someone special to me. Sometimes when I tell my friends about you and the things that are happening to us. They say that we happen to go through the same thing in life cos we are in the sane phase in life. And I don't believe them.

We always stumble onto each other online when we really need one another. WWe always happen to go through the same thing the same situation at the same time even though we are really miles apart. I still dont think it is conincidence. It is too much coincidence. I must say definitely this is God's works!!! None other than that. I am really ad he gave me you.

You are the first person I open up to. The very first. Remember the church camp that you became my angel. If it isn't for you, I be still keeping my troubles inside of me. And from that day on, in subsequent camps, during mortal angel game, we always somehow end up picking one another's name. Haha and in the end, we have to request for a change. We can't hide our handwriting from each other since we have written to one another so many many letters. We are pratically mortal/angel everyday to each other. LOL

Hey babe, knowing you are struggling with your troubles. I strugling with that too though not to the same extent but I just want you to know that no matter what, I be here for you.No matter what comes out of this, know that God will always be there for you, always. Rely on Him, cast your burdens to Him. He is our Father and He wants to go through our troubles with us. Even at times when we don't feel His presence, have faith and know that God is there. JIa you babe. I be praying for you. Miss you lots. Love you. Take care.

March - mid April 2008

2008-04-15T01:16:00.002+08:00

It has been a while since I last blogged. Life is too busy for that now. Just quick uodate. My boyfriend got hospitalised and underwent surgeon but he is on the road of recovery. Exams and datelines are coming in. I have officially sign myself up for a mission trip to Baka.

Thinking back. It's kinda sad that this semester I start to feel like I have lost some friends especially Ellen and gang. I dont hang out with them anymore, eat meals or watch movie or just chat. Let just say I dont even have access to the suite they are always in. Plus the fact that most of my classes are at night and that I needed the maya lab to do my work, I really hardly see them at all.

Maybe I havnt exactly fit in in the first place. I am an animator afterall and they are film students. What I do, they dont do. What they do, I dont do. No common topic whatsoever. Haiz~ I am losing my friends. Good buddies they were. Wish I see them around more often. Back to work.

Recess break

2008-02-26T00:02:00.002+08:00

It's recess break FINALLY! But then again, it isn't much of a break. Let's see. Monday, which is today, is spend on slacking. Tuesday to Thursday spend on script-writing seminar. Fri morning on piano. Friday night on Davide's make up class. Saturday to Sunday spend on Jit's MTV shoot. AND FINALLY... END OF RECESS BREAK. Erm... WOW...What a break. Isn't it amazing?! (sacarstic tone)

No more slacking. Time to do work. Haiz... I need a break.

Sad

2008-02-02T11:35:00.000+08:00

There are many things I wanna share with you. I wish you knew. It's so frustrating. People have been asking me about it. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I really hope and pray and wish for it. But sometimes I wish I can do more than just that... more than just pray, more than just wrote, more than jest cry and feeling sad about it all.

Sometimes I wish you could just tell me what you feel or think about it. I wish that. I really do. I wat to know.

Tired

2008-01-29T03:31:00.000+08:00

Super tired right now. It's 330am. ARGH!!! I want to just finish up the actions for my character animation. I will probabaly do my facial animation later in the afternoon. I am so so tired!!! ARGH! My back aches from all that sitting. YAWNZ... I am so tired. Jit, where are you? I want a massgae!!!

NOT SLEEPING TONIGHT

2008-01-29T01:39:00.000+08:00

I know i should be sleeping. It's like 130am in the morning. What's more, I have class tomorrow from 1-4pm and 730-1030pm. I have been working on maya all afternoon. It's just that now it's finally going somewhere. I don't wish to stop animating it. I really wanna get it right. It's frustrating to keep having to redo bits and bots of animation just because the timing does not feel right. But now that I am heading somewhere, I doubt I will want to go and sleep.

Sigh... I know, not sleeping is bad for health but maybe I just do this once today. It's been a long time since I really work through the entire night. Let's see how long I can last tonight. Hopefully I won't fall asleep in class tomorrow. Gotta do maya. It's additive. Wahaha... I can't believe I actually say that.

To my dear who might end up reading this, don't scold me for not sleeping. You've known how stressed I was this afternoon trying to get it right. I broke down twice and now that I am finally going somewhere. Let me go on with it even if it means I won't be able to sleep. Just this once, don't scold me. Sorry dear.

Mastering crying

2008-01-28T16:00:00.000+08:00

I can be crying my eyes out and no one will notice even if someone is like less than a metre from me. Sometimes I wished someone did, I want a hug but that rarely happen. Just a hug that's all I am asking. Just one hug. None came. Stop crying girl. I just wished someone knew, someone understood. I wish someone cared enough to ask now what was wrong. Have I mastered crying so much that no one notice that I am. Guess I have. I want to do my homework. No point crying. No point.

Timetable

2008-01-09T11:05:00.000+08:00

Initially, I thought my timetable was pretty messed up. Look at it...

Mon 9am-12pm
Tues 1pm-4pm, 730pm-1030pm
Wed 330pm-630pm
Thurs 730pm-1030pm
Fri 1pm- 4pm

Quite a fair bit of late afternoon and evening classes I must say. But today I realise something, I actually have time in the morning to read my daily bread and not only that, I get to practice on my piano. No one can stop me from practicing in the day time. I am not ruining their sleep with my noise. In fact, they shohuld all be awake by then. Happiness.... Not a bad arrangemnt I must say.

It's funy how I keep complaining to God that I have a sucky timetable, only to realise in the end, it turn out to be good for me. Haha... What can I say, God knows me best. He knows what is good for me though I don't. He really know me.

Holidays

2008-01-03T03:27:00.000+08:00

I am so exhausted. Clearing my room is really not an easy task at all. The amount of rubbish I have is unbelievable. As always, I found lots of forgotten letters and small gifts. If only I had the time, I would have opened each and every letter and read through them. Reflecting upon yesterday's activities, I think I am pretty satisfied with myself. I have finally managed to complete the "Winnie the pooh" jigsaw puzzle. I have been working on it for weeks and it sure is tough. Of course, I couldn't have done it without Jit. He was a big help. No time to blog anymore for now. It's high time I clear up the mess I made on the floor.

I can't wait for morning. The plan is to travel randomly on bus with Jit around Singapore and take photos as we go along. I miss photography. It's time I start working on the skills I learnt from black and white photography lessons. Too bad I am using colour film. If it has been black and white film, I would be able to develop the photos in school. I kinda miss dark room a little.

Someone

2007-12-31T16:00:00.000+08:00

I wish someone was here to comfort me. Ophe, Jit, anybody... But guess I am alone on this. The only one here is Jesus. Just want somebody to hug me and tell me its alright. Wanna hug someone. If only I could hug Jesus physically. He is always still the only one there for me who knows it all. Only Jesus.

Have to stop crying now. Have to.

Results

2007-12-28T09:13:00.000+08:00

I saw my results. Itis not what I expected to be... in a bad way. I am quite sadden by the grades. Guess I am just not good enough, always not good enough and maybe never will be...

Lust, Caution

2007-11-23T03:21:00.000+08:00

I watched Lust, Caution yeaterday. Not because it is R21, but I like the thriller. It seems interesting and after watching it, I love it. The dialogue is fantastic especially the opening scene. Whoa, it has subtext written all over it. Mahjong was a good choice of element to use in this film. The one thing I really dislike and AM UTTERLY DISGUSTED is by all the sex scene. It was like WHACK! Straight in your face, we are having sex! Totally grossed out. I know the first sex scene and the scene with Mak Tai Tai looking at the time whilke having sex is important to the story but the rest of the sex stuff is overly done. Over kill and totally redundant. And if you really want to do a sex scene make sure it is convincing. Some of the camera movements accidentally reveal their ... (fill in the blank yourself) when they are suppose to pretend and act that they are having sex. I think they should get rid of those shots that accidentally reveal that because it will just pull the audience out of the story. The audience will no longer be immerse in the narrative but rather think "They just acting." Besides that, the rest of the story is pretty good.

Actually I was planning to watch "The Game Plan" but apparently the cinema are not screening them anymore. What a disappointment. I was seriously looking forward to that. Oh well, I shall catch it on VCD then. I kinda wanted to watch "Enchanted". I know, I know... You will think that movie is pretty lame. But I like fairy tales that are out of this world. 2D to real life... That's impossible. And I like ot for the fact that it is light-hearted. Lust, Caution left me utterly disgusted and disturbed. I don't like walking out of cinemas feling this way. Watching movies suppose to help me relax not make me tense. Yup... The wonders of films. Sigh... I better go sleep soon. Tired. Good night!

Thank you

2007-11-17T15:59:00.000+08:00

Finally, the submission for Black and White photography is done. We crit and all that. Wayne is really observant. He knew things about me just by looking and frankly speaking, I agreed with what he said. I know I lack confidence and sometimes I get bit too dependent. He really isn't a bad teacher, really. What he said to me made me bit... I don't know, sad... Maybe. Because he was right about my charcter. I am lacking in certain things and I am still trying and learning to be strong. But it's just that sometimes when I am climbing back up, something will come along and knock me down. It's tough but I will learn and have faith.

Thanks Wayne.

Holding it in

2007-11-14T20:52:00.000+08:00

I just have to type it out here. Holding it in is just too difficult, trying to pretend but I am barely making it. I react to things differently because that is who I am. Trying to get over but can't. Really, the only person who can understand me is God and maybe, I guess maybe that is just enough. Only God.

Say goodbye to UK

2007-10-17T02:40:00.000+08:00

Reading Shi Qi's blog reminded me of the exchange programme. My dean emailed me saying that he has a spot for me in University of Hertfordshire. He asked if I would like to go. I remembered weeks or maybe months ago, I kept checking my email rather frequently to see if my INSTEP exchange programme got accepted. Hertfordshire was my fircst choice. It's a school in UK and Jit and I applied for it. I got rejected in the end so did Jit. Thus, it really came as a surprise when the dean asked me.But I ended up rejecting the offer. It was tempting no doubt but Jit and I had an agreement that we would only go if there were 2 places for us. But it's too expensive anyway. I can't believe I gave up this opportunity. Then again, I can't imagine 5months without my family, friends and most missed of all, Jit. The other thing holding me back was my piano lesson. I just started piano for a year and if I were to stop for 5months, I think when I start playing again, I be really bad at it. Furthermore I will be getting a piano soon and letting it rot for 5months is really a waste of money.

Anyway, it's all over now. I had already said no. And what the heck am I doing blogging this down. I have to go do digital painting liao. NO!!! SIAN! Ultimate boredom and tiredness. I am ill. My nose is blocked. I am tired. I am covered in bruises. Haiz

MADNESS! What timetable is this?

2007-10-17T02:25:00.000+08:00

It's madness. The timetable for semester 2 is out and OH MY GOSH... ARE THEY MAD. Most of the modules I want to take and some of my core modules are 730-1030pm. 1030pm is really late and imagine what happens if the lesson drags on to about 11pm. My last bus home is 1130pm! I got a feeling I have to stay overnight at Jit's house for many nights next semester since his last bus is so much later than mine. It is ridiculous. How am I suppose to pay attention and concentrate on what the teacher is teaching from 730-1030pm. It is so late! This is really outrageous. Next semester I think I will turn into a panda. ARGH... It's 230am. Clock's ticking. I better start work on my idea for digital painting final project. I am so tired!

Dumbest mistake ever

2007-10-12T22:47:00.000+08:00

I am so tired right now. I was working on the walk cycle, improving on the one I did for my previous assignment. OH MY GOSH, how dumb can I be. I spend hours trying to get it right and it is only after 2hrs plus, did I realise that my arms are not moving correctly. When the left foot is in front, the left arm is in front. This goes for the right arm too. No wonder it looks off. No one walks like that. We swing our arm in the opposite direction from our feet. I AM SO DUMB. It is really the dumbest mistake an animator can make. ARGH! Silly me!!!

Sorry for crying

2007-10-08T18:49:00.000+08:00

Sorry for running away to cry. It's just that most of the time I felt that I am not part of the group at all. You guys are the filmmakers. I am the animator. I can't help but want to go help out for you guy's shoot but I don't know anything. I feel pretty useless, hanging around the set, blocking the way. And if you guys have noticed, everytime I just turned up uninvited. I just don't feel like I belong. I just fet I am not needed and actually to say the truth, I really am not needed at all. Its ust me wanting to be part of it and yet not really being part of it in the end. As usual, it's because I am the odd one out. All I know how to do is animate, sit in front of the computer and go clicking away.

Yesterday when you guys started talking. Straight away I felt that I didn't belong there. It's like everyone is talking about each other's shoot and I just don't know what you all talking about. I was not there. Most of you were there at one point or another. And I just felt pretty much outcast from the group. What can I say? I don't know anything. I don't know what happened. I was not there. So I walked away saying I wanted to do digital painting. But actually I just felt that I had to go away. I can't stand the feeling of being neglected. I being through that when I was young, when all my parents or rather mum did was to care for my brother. And once my godfather said something. I know the first sentence was a mistake but still that hurts a lot. He said " Don't have to bother about Caroline. " and realising what he said... He said again " I mean, don't have to worry about her. " It hurted badly. I was pretty neglected by my parents. You know, just because I aced my exams and tests, does not mean that you don't have to bother about me. I still need some hugs. I needed encouragement. But everything went to my brother. All I could do was watched from afar and wished that it was me.

Very sorry that I ran to the room to cry my heart out but it just that it was very overwhelming when all the hurtful and being neglected stuffs from way back just came flooding back all at once and ad on to it, what that was happening then. I actually started tearing wen I heard them mentioned that the 6 of them are a group and I knew that the six they were mentioning didn't include me. It's just sad to hear them chatting so happily about it and I felt like I am invisible. Its like what happened in the past, my mother and my brother. My mother said she loved him more than she loved me. I was like primary school then and I heard it being said to my brother twice on the same day and they knew that I was there but somehow I felt as if I was invisible then. Am I really that bad? Am I really that useless and worthless? Am I really so unlikeable? Am I really one that no one will bother about and forget?

May things have happened since I was in kindergarten till now and I been trying to get over it. If it were not for Jesus, I would have fell into depression when I was a kid. HE was the only one who told me that HE love me and I could felt the love. I can't see it but I knew it was real. I knew I was not dreaming. I know many people don't believe in God but going through all that when I was young. I really have no doubts that God is real. Thinking back now from kindergarten onwards, my mother had hugged me once and that is all. No other words. No other gestures. Many more disappointments. The only one who kept me standing, who picked me up each time I fell, who helped me get back on my feet is Jesus. I kept all these inside me for more than 10 years without telling a single soul. That was how long I kept it inside me without any comfort from friends or family.

I was not able to say anything to you all yesterday. I didn't know how too. All I knew was to cry. That sadly is the only thing I know how to do best. That was my way of trying to free myself from all these, to cry till I fall to sleep. It was quite bad yesterday that I wished I could just blend into the wall and be part of it. I know it is all very stupid. You guys didn't mean it that way but it's just hurts to hear it. Just hurt to feel not part of you all guy even though I try. And I don't think I ever will. You guys are film makers. I am animator and one that is not good enough.

Just want to say sorry to you all for not telling. I just don't know how to say. I will usually type it out in words. That is why I have a blog. Just very sorry for all that yesterday. It wasn't any of you guy's fault so don't say sorry. I know the problem is me. I have low self esteem and all that. I have been trying to get over my past experiences for years and till now I have totally got over all of it yet. If any of you happened to read it, I want to say sorry and thanks for involving me in sometimes. If none of you all happened to chance upon this, I will just let it stayed that way. Hope you guy's asian film history presentation went well even though you all just started working on it this afternoon.

Talking back

2007-10-08T18:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Shi Qi's shoot. I feel kinda bad shouting at my mum on the phone. But I was pretty pissed. We had to bring the equipment to my room for Jit's shoot. I told my mum many times about it and she agreed that it was okay to have it kept in my room. And yesterday she just said no and wanted us to put the stuff outside the corridor. Oh come on, she didn't want my friends to bring the stuff into the house because she didn't let people steeping in. She felt that our feet were dirty. Goodness sake, she mops the floor everyday and somehow that is ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY! All that complain about being tired and not having enough sleep blah blah blah, it is all created by herself. Why mop the floor everyday? There is dust everywhere... No matter how many times you clean it, it WILL still be dirty. And it is not like it is really dirty after 1 day. We are just stepping into the house for a short while, just to put equipment down that's all. And its not like our feet were dirty. It was okay actually. Not only that, my mum has NO STRENGTH to carry all that stuff and I don't want my mum to handle those boxes of equipment. It is too expensive. If anything goes wrong, we are doomed.

Sometimes I know I should not have talked back, but yesterday I had to argue my way through. The stuff has to be in my room. It really has to go there. And the things my mum say are really illogical and it always happened at the last moment, a few minutes before you want to start working on the task. It really is frustrating times. It annoys me a lot. Whatever... I know my mum will probably start nagging all over again from later to Wednesday. The faster I get out of the house, the better.

I wish

2007-09-24T22:37:00.000+08:00

It's latern festival tomorrow. I want to celbrate it and play with candles. I have a problem though. I don't know who I can celebrate it with and where to go to celebrate. I want to immerse myself in the mood. I want to go back to the good old days when my friends and I will meet at an area and start playing with our laterns and candles. I miss all that. It seems like the older we grow, the less we do all these things. Sigh... Maybe I go celebrate by myself tomorrow. I am sort of afraid of fire. I don't really dare to use a lighter but I guess the only way I can celebrate it is if I start using it. Maybe I give it a shot tomorrow. Maybe I will. I want to stare at the candles, watch it flicker in the dark, the wax melting. It's fun. I just wish I had someone, a friend or whoever to share the joy with. I wish.

Recess break

2007-09-23T00:37:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I blog. Probably more than a month. Nothing much going on except that homework is killing me. Martin's digital painting assignment, Wayne's black and white photography assignment, Melanie's character animation... 5 ADM subjects for a semester is really a killer. Dying with that workload.

I want a break. It's recess week right now but it sure ain't feeling like it. For one thing, I have school starting tomorrow. It's animation seminar workshop, one of my core modules. Sigh... School from Sunday (tomorrow) till Thurs from morning to evening. God please help me. Don't let me get so stressed up that I break down. Really can't afford to lose myself to the stress. I need to stay calm. God I need you. Really need you.

Sigh... It's past midnight now. I think I better do a bit of homework before turning in to bed. Night.

LA (1st day)

2007-07-24T14:14:00.000+08:00

I am finally in LA. It took us quite some time to clear the customs. It’s kind of inefficient. I got pointed to the wrong direction and stuff like that. Isabella got retained. I really hope she is alright. Till now, we don’t know the reason why yet. It’s 11pm plus here in LA. The plane ride was really long, about 18hrs and more. My legs are stiff from all that sitting even though I do make frequent trips to the washroom. I watched a few movies onboard, Hula Girls, Blades of Glory, Music and lyrics etc. I drank Singapore Sling onboard. It's really not bad. Haha The air stewardess is amazed at how Ying Han and I kept our complexion. LOL We just looked young that's all. Nothing much is happening here for now. Guess I signed off then. I am now waiting for Wei Keong's friend to pick us up.

Oh yah, I had an hour stopover at Tai Pei. And I came across this room called “Praying Room”. Shall upload the photos later.

Today

2007-07-13T00:35:00.000+08:00

Today was a pretty interesting day. I set out for Bugis to look for bolts and nuts, things that I needed to make an armature. My dad mentioned that Sim Lim tower may sell these things. Apparently they do not. I ended up wandering around, going in and out of various hardware shops asking where I could buy these things. The answers are all so different and vague. I was given directions to places I didn't look, something that sounds like "a church, wholesale area, things sold on the floor, the end of bus 170, multi storey car prak". The directions are really weird and well I am not familiar with that area. In the end, I just wandered around. Ending up in places that I felt kinda unsafe. All around I see uncles and basically guys. Where are the ladies?

But I really have to thank God for keeping me safe and surprisingly, my wandering led me to the "treasure". I got what I need. That place is like a mechanic heaven. Rows and rowes of boxees of parts. WOW! If by any chance anyone wants to do armature using nuts and bolts, please go to that area!

Bumped into Samuel at National Library today. He looked different. Usually I pictured him in some cool outfits and hairstyle but today he was totally dressed down, wearing a faded Mr Happy cartoon T-shirt. His hair is just normal. Really unlike him but what is really funny was his expression when he asked me what I was doing in the national library. My answer was "National library has water cooler." and I was holding on to a water bottle then. LOL. His expression was one of "I can't believe this is your answer." Haha. Priceless!

Enough crapping for now. Time to practice on my keyboard! P.S. I saw a group of men fishing at a canal in between the roads leading to Sim Lim and Rocher. How weird and out of place that is.

Do not worry

2007-07-12T09:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I was just too stressed. I didn't let go of all my burdens and rely on God to see me through it. I didn't put my faith and trust in Him that everything will be alright in the end. I was worrying too much. Ri Xin, thank you so much for reminding me about it and the verse in the bible. The best thing to do is to always go back to God's words. In there, we can find comfort, shelter support and most importantly, Love.

Matthew 6: 25-34 Do Not Worry

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If this is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you little of faith? 31 So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Threfore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Wish someone , anyone, was here

2007-07-11T16:33:00.000+08:00

I really stressed out. I reached my max and I just wished you were here. It's funny how everytime I needed you by my side, you would be overseas. Sometimes my friends ain't here by my side too to cheer me on. I wished I had someone to hug. Only God is here by my side to spur me on but it's hard to do it all alone. I need help. I am tired. I can't do it by myself but yet I know I havn't much of a choice. Depend on no one girl. I doubt this make sense to anyone else except me.

Cries...

You laid aside your majesty

2007-07-08T19:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Jia Ling's and Richard's wedding. It was beautiful. I love weddings. During the wedding's praise and worship session, the worship team sang one song and I really loved it. Wish I had the song. It goes like this...

You laid aside your majesty

You laid aside Your majesty,
gave up everything for me.
Suffered at the hands
of those You had created.
You took all my guilt and shame,
When You died and rose again.
Now today You reign,
In heaven and earth exalted.

I really want to worship You my Lord,
You have won my heart
and I am Yours.
Forever and ever,
I will love You.
You are the only one who died for me,
Gave Your life to set me free.
So I lift my voice to You in adoration.

Cambodia

2007-07-04T22:40:00.000+08:00

Did I say I was sad? A week ago, Malcolm, Pang Ren, Jit and I finally settle everything and buy air tickets for the Cambodia trip. But the very next day, the newspaper reported about dengue fever and I ended up not being able to go. I know everyone is telling me not to go and that it is for my good. I know that too. I don't want to get dengue fever and end up not going for my USA trip. But that does not mean I I don't feel sad. I have heard many people telling me not to go and each time I just end up being sad.

This coming Saturday I am sending them off at the airport. I don't know how I will be feeling that day. All I know is on that day, I have to wear the smile the whole day. I could be in that plane. I even have the air tickets booked under my name. I even got a seat in the plane. I have hostel reservations in Cambodia. So near yet so far.

I know I can put on a smile the whole day. I always do that in the past. This is no different. Just have to smile for about 8hrs and after they enter the gates, I can be myself again. I know I feel sad. I know I end up crying. I wanted so much to go for the trip and I could, had everything done, really to go and yet I couldn't. I feel bad for causing my parents to waste that sum of money. Am I really a girl who always waste my parent's money? I really didn't want to. I really didn't. But this time round I can't help it. I'm sorry.

sad

2007-07-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

Sad... That is all I can say. Module is gone. Can't go cambodia trip even though I have tickets and all. Demo reel not done. Name card not done. Everything not done. Other than breaking down, I don't know what to do. I am stressed. This is the holidays for goodness sake. Why am I so stressed?

Piano

2007-06-28T23:19:00.000+08:00

I think my fingers are not flexible enough. I had this music score which has me keeping my fingers stretched across seven keys through out the entire piece. My fingers are hurting now, pretty badly in fact. Oh well, I should go practice more instead of complaining. I wish I had a piano though instead of a keyboard. It makes so much difference. Oh well, I shall just make do with I have. It is after all better than nothing.

Rain

2007-06-17T00:53:00.000+08:00

It's raining again. I miss the rain. It has been a while since the clouds let their tears fall heavily. It's late now but I don't think I want to go to sleep so early. I just want to listen the music and enjoy the rain while it lasts. I admit I am a weird girl sometimes and I won't deny that fact. Haha... It's time like these that I would love to just lie down and chill. Chilly weather, godly music, falling raindrops, what more can I ask. I don't know why but suddenly this reminds me of Huay Hok. I miss the place. I miss the kids there.

Rare sightings of things

2007-06-16T11:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday Ellen and I had a small traumatic exerience. I don't know who got it worse, the uncle or us. We went to the Sembawang hot spring. Initially, we were the only people there. We were happily soaking our feets and cooking eggs when this uncle came. He made a make shift bath cubicle using only containers and bathed there. I am alright with that. Frankly speaking, I have no interest in looking at him.

After his hot bath, he wrapped a short towel round his waist. He was walking towards the centre hotspring. At that point of time we were soaking our feet at the corner hotspring as the water temperature is less hot. The uncle squatted down to wash his underwear and AR!!! I think you should know what happens when you wear only a short towel and squat down in it. We saw it all and it's not like we love looking in that direction. It just so happened that our bags and eggs were placed beside the centre hotspring. WE SAW! It was kinda traumatic. Ok, I admit I saw that many times during foundation drawing classes with naked Benny but still I don't want see it! Of course if it was that of our lover or a hot guy, we would not have mind. Traumatizing but come to think of it, it's kinda funny after a while. God thing, the view was not up close and personal. Phew... He was quite a distance away. Benny was much worse espcially so when he is posing on the platform at a distance less than 2m away.

By the way, our eggs took more than 45mins to be cooked to a half boiled eggs status. Pretty long if you asked me.

We went to Orchard and I spotted this guy about mid thrities with wavy locks of blacks, greys and whites. He was really handsome, with a face that was somewhat like Richard Gere. He looked sophistocated and stylish. When I spotted him, he happened to be turning his head and it felt like it was some sort of advertisement for hair shampoo. Haha... It did kinda remind me of Priince Charming in Shrek in terms of the way he did the head turn. Too bad, that guy's dressing was bit off if not he looked good on the overall. Haha... Got scolded by one of them (them as in Shi Qi, Ellen and Ying Han) for looking at guys when Jit is not around. Hey I admire his features but the only guy I truely love looking at is Jit. I don't go about drooling over every guy that walks past me.

I better get back to doing my work. Enough blogging for now. Maybe in 2 or 3 years time, I will read through my entire blog. Wonder how I will feel then. All the memories... sorrow... joy... friendships...

Pluck

2007-06-16T01:48:00.000+08:00

Went to watch "Pluck" today with my friends. It was hilarious. Seriously their playing was good and the lady... WOW She is strong! She rests the cello on her shoulder and she dances with her cello during the performance. That must be quite heavy and she does that all with her shoulder and aa arm. Love the performace. It's really funny. I didn't regret going though organising an outing there was bit tough.

I wish Jit was there but oh well. Today Pang Ren asked me whther I did cried when I missed him. I lied, I did. Just twice. I was stressed then and I wished I had Jit by my side then. He would have made me laughed but because I was by myself, I ended up crying on top of the fact that I missed him lots. Sigh... I don't see him often on MSN and we communicated through email. I have a lot of stuffs to tell him, things that happened etc but I rather say it face to face because I doubt he has time to read those long emails anyway. In the end, the emails just gets shorter and shorter somehow.

,br>I don't know... Just wish he is back here but at the same time I wish he could stay longer in USA, because it is seldom you get to there and tour while having to attend a conference there. What are the chances you might go back there again. I would have wished he stay even longer but I too wished he is back home. Contradictory. Oh well... it's just me. Guess it's really just me.

Happiness and thanks...

2007-06-13T02:20:00.001+08:00

Its super late now. In about 4 hrs time I have to wake up to go for exam but I am still online chatting away with my Hui Ting. It has been a long time since I chatted with her. I realised how much I miss the good old days. Haha... This whole week was like a 'back to the good old days' week. I feel so happy that I want to cry for joy. Haha Hours ago I was so stressed up that I broke down and cried but Zi Xuan came along and her words provided me with comfort. Friends are indeed more important than exams. Though I be tired when I go to the exam hall but I can be sure that I never will once regret having spend my time to chat with her and catch up on lots of stuff. She is after all my childhood friend. I have known her since NURSERY days. Haha... Pretty long friendship.

I am so much destressed now and I have finished studying! Woo Hoo! Haha... Jit away for one week and so many things happened. LOL... Ok I better get going. Start packing bag for the exam later! Ciao. Sleep well people! Thanks... and a big hug to all!

Thank you God. Thank you Ophe.

2007-06-12T21:10:00.000+08:00

Thanks Ophe. Haha You must have passed it to me. I broke down. I couldn't take the stress. I can't eat much.I can't sleep much. I can't stay put. I am all tensed up. Thank you Ophe for what you said.

Thank you God. I know you the one I can count on. When I have reached the end of road, you are still there for me. Its dumb of me to try to take on everything on my own shoulders. It hurts. It kills me and I can't handle it. God, I am glad I can always rely on you. You are the only one who understand me totally and can share my burden. Thank you for this special friend of mine that you send me... Ophe. Thanks

Thank you Ophe. I couldn't have done it without you. You still the person I confide in even though you are miles away in Australia. Thanks dear. Really appreciate it. You really are the best friend that I can ever have. Haha... No worries. I stop crying liao. You have helped a lot. God has helped a lot. Thanks. ONE BIG HUG FOR YOU!

Can't let it get to me

2007-06-12T10:14:00.000+08:00

Caroline, get a grip on yourself! ARGH! I am trying to study but nothing is going in. My stomach is churning with butterflies. The stupid nightmare is still in my brain. I am still thinking of other stuff. The plan to go out with my secondary school friends is cancelled once more. ARGH! Someone save me from all these. Help! I can't let the stress get to me. Can't let it get to me!

I am home finally...

2007-06-11T19:48:00.000+08:00

It's time for a long post again though it is just as update of yesterday and today's event. Anyway the clouds finally decided to let out their tears. It's raining. It has been quite a way since it rained. I miss the rain. Now the chill will be back in the air. No more hot air for the time being!

My meals are pretty much in a mess during the school holidays. The things I eat and the time of meals are pretty much random. Yesterday I had a loaf of bread for breakfast and lunch. Well, it's half a loaf actually. The other half went to the fish, tortoises and swans in Botanic Garden and to 5 young boys who I decided to share my bread with. They were happy feeding them alongside me. Haha. I don't know why I went there. I just remembered that I went there with Ellen once and decided to go back there again. Wish she was there with me once more. I really want to see the happy Ellen again. I am worried for her but I can't seem to do anything for her that will her up. All I can do is just be there if she needs me. Sigh...

Today, I went with Ying Han to send Wang Xun off. She happens to be the only girl in the group. The guys are a bit... erm... how shall I put it... a bit not gentlemen enough. They went into the gates without waiting for Wang Xun and the oddest thing is that their flight is at 1050am and at the time they went into the gates, it wasn't even 930am!!! That's BIT TOO EARLY! Ying Han and I couldn't talk much to Wang Xun. We only exchange a few words before she went in. As for Jeffrey, he came long after they went in but before the plane left. It was bit late but he still managed to say goodbye through the phone. One big thanks to technology! Cheers! Haha.

Went to Benjamin Spears Bridge. I walked to the end of the bridge today and wanted to explore the area under the bridge but I just keep having the feeling that I should not go any further. Glad I didn't because I was by myself then. If anything were to happen to me, no one could be there to help me out. Well except God, no one else will be there. But I didn't regret that long walk. The sea breeze was fantastic. The wind in my face. Relaxation. Haiz... Jit is now in San Francisco. I do miss him lots. It's weird not having him around. Guess that is how I unknowingly end up in places that both of went to before in the past. But I don't mid that, it really has been a long time since I explore all by myself.

Anyway, I decided to end my roaming around earlier today. I took the bus and reached Westmall at around 5pm. When I saw the evening sun still up there in the sky beaming down on us, I could not help but feel like I am finally home. It has been a long time since I went to Westmall in the evening. It has been a long time since I walked sown the covered walkway towards my block in the evening sun. It has been a long time since I went home early before the sun sets. It has been a long time since I ran over to my godmother's house to play with my god niece and god nephew. It has been a long time since I did all that. It has been for about a year. It's funny how I miss home when in fact, I go home everyday. But today I seriously miss the times when I spend my evening at home, doing stuff on my laptop and eating fruits while doing so. I really miss all that. I really do. I am glad I am finally home. I am glad.

It has been a long time...

2007-06-10T10:37:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I went over to my godmother's house to play with my god niece and god nephews. I miss them. Being busy with school and going out everydayexploring different parts of Singapore and watching movies. It's funny how you miss someone when there are not there. Indeed, my god family aren't here in Singapore right now. They are at Afamosa and Tioman. Really hope they enjoy themselves there.

It has been a long time since da ban did something crazy. Yah, I know we are old but that does not mean we are not young at heart. Yesterday, was it Cephas or Winston or whoever came up with this rule that the last person to reach class will have to buy tibits for next week lesson. Suddenly the whole group pf us just dash out the dinning area. Haha... Who would expect adults (21 and above) to behave in such a way. LOL We did yesterday. What a sight! But oops... We didn't keep the thables or chairs like we supposed to each time because of this.

It has been a long time since da ban (my cell group) went for an outing. Yesterday we agreed to go out on the 17th June. Be it Jing Ting's house or Karin's house or just a trip to the movies, we are fully prepared to go out together and have a blast of a time. It's time we caught up with one another. Everyone is either busy with school or work that sometimes we forgot to just chill and hand out with one another.

It has been a long time since the youths in my church went out for an outing. The last I remember was a Sembawang Park outing. Now we are heading off to ECP on the 30 June instead of having a salt shaker service. Woo Hoo... It really has been a long while since we went out as a big group. I miss those good old days where we go shopping or chit chat after Sunday Oikos service. Now that is Saltshaker, we no longer go out after service because by then it is too late, 9pm plus. All of us head home instead.

It has been a long time since I meet up with my sec sch frens! And I be seeing them this coming Tuesday. Haha... Miss you all. Erm... the last time we met was a few months ago for steamboat but at that time Jye Min wasn't there. Hope this time, she come. I havn't seen Tin Song, Wei Da, Terence for ages. I wonder what is going on in their lives right now.

It has been a long time since I meet up with my JC frens. Ok ok, partly my fault cos I don't have time to meet up with them to go buy BELATED birthday presents. Oops! Hee... Maybe I better go sms Xiu and Pit, see when they are free.

It has been a long time since I saw Zi Xuan and Ri Xin. Zi Xuan coming back on 8th July before flying off to Perth again on the 22th July I think. As for Ri Xin, think she coming back on the 13th July. YEAH! Everyone is coming back. I wonder when Bao Juan will. She is in UK I think. Take care all 3 of you.

It has been a long time since I went to Esplanade to watch the outdoor performance. Well, it's not my fault that I can't now because they have tore down the outdoor theatre. Their plan was to build one that is closer to the edge of the sea. Frankly speaking, I don't see much of a difference. I miss all the performances. I remember in the past, I used to go to Esplanade every Sat or Sun. I will sit there waiting for the performance to start while I feel the sea breeze in my hair. Or sometimes I even went to watch the firework alone. It really has been a long time since I go out by myself and wander around, popping my head in places I don't know. It really has been a long time...

It has been a long time since I wrote such a long post. Haha And it's my first time I wrote a post that has every paragraphs starting with "It has been a long time since..." God, it really has been a long time...

He...

2007-06-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

Jit has left for San Francisco. It's weird not having around. Anyway, I was watching "I'm not stupid 2". It's really good. Really love the whole plot. It had me crying my eyes out. My eyes are really sore and painful now. The ending... If only everyone could be like that, if only. If only everyone could encpurage and praise one another instead of just seeing the flaws of the person. I know how much it hurts to be scolded useless, good for nothing. It really hurts. The words though few are impactful enough. It pierce straight to the heart and it takes years to recover or maybe never. The scars it leaves, the wound... It's not easy to get over it. Frankly speaking I havn't really but at least its healing because of 3 simple words God said to me "I love you' and I know... I can feel the pure, unconditional love. No one can ever love like God. No one can. That is how I know God is real. God exists. He really does and he loves all of us so. He is the only one who would be there when everyone walks out. He comforts. He cares. He encourages. He praises. He loves.

Story

2007-05-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

I know I have come across this many times but I still love it all the same. This is how the story goes...

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books.. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. " They really should get lives. " He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he ha d gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday! " He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. " Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

Sunlight

2007-05-19T16:20:00.000+08:00

It's Saturady now. For once I am home on a weekend. It feels weird. I don't know what to do with my time. Homework, projects. These are out of the question. I am not up to it. Eventually I turn to my keyboard. And as the orange sunlight fills my room, so do I in my music. There I am playing away, playing Canon in D. I admit I ain't good in playing that. I am just learning. My piano teacher has not taugh me that yet. Amazingly, time pass by quickly and before I know it, it is time for me to go for my church's saltshaker service. I think it is the sunlight. It is like magic, bringing me into another dimension. Somehow the world seems different because of its warm rich hue. I like that. I like that very much.

I don not usually write in this way. It's difficult to explain but I think you will get what I mean from reading the paragraph above. it feels like I am writing an assignment for HW101: Craft of writing. I think I stop here for now. Really have to go. Ciao.

18/05/07 - updates (Sentosa pictures)

2007-05-19T01:29:00.000+08:00

Sigh... I have the flu! Hate it! My nose is running (I don't meant that literally) . Anyway that is besides the point. I have finally gotten my hands on some of the Sentosa outing photos. Got it from Danny's blog. I am wondering if there are more such photos hidden somewhere. The answer is yes I think.

Royston and his big boobs. WE HAVE FINALLY TAKE HIM DOWN! It was hard work but worth the effort. Ah Gong... TOO BAD!

Frankly speaking, I don't remember this picture at all.

Our 8 sitter sand sofa. It is not that difficult to build. The next time we go Sentosa we shall aim for a bigger sofa with bigger back space cum a coffee table. Wonder if that is really possible? (Left to right: Royston, Pang Ren, Wang Xun, Danny, Shi Qi, me, Jit, Jeffrey)

Product designers in the making?

Royston, Jeffrey and Pang Ren

That's all for now. I wanna sleep. Head is hurting! SLEEPY! ILL!

Shay

2007-05-13T01:21:00.000+08:00

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe,that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked,"Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

L.A, San Diego here I come.

2007-05-12T11:01:00.000+08:00

I am goint to L.A and San Diego from 23 July to 13 August. It was supposed to be a 2 week trip thing but somehow it turned out to be a 3 weeks trips. Will be touring L.A with YY, Wei Keong and Ying Han before we head down to San Diego to volunteer for the Siggraph conference. Before the start of conference, we be going down to Mexico for a day. We didn't plan to stay there long as it is kinda dangerous. Pretty excited about the trip. But for now, we have to do more research on the places that we might wanna visit while we are there. We have settled the accomodations. Now we are left with air tickets. Probably taking SIA flight there with a stop over at HK on the trip there and a stop over at Tokyo on the way back. Erm... I wonder if I am able to make it for classes on Mon, 13 August at 9am since the flight back to Singapore is 1:15am plus. Think I am going to have some serious jet lag. But there is one thing I can be sure of... We can all meet up while we are at L.A. We as in Rong Rong, Elgin, Kaman, Felice, Erica and Jia Hui. All of us will be in L.A then. LOL... Gathering of the ADMers. It be cool.

Sigh... But Jit is sad because he can't go to UCLA in L.A. I guess I will not mention all these in front of him. I don't want him to be reminded of it and be upset. Sigh...

Sorry

2007-05-10T11:25:00.000+08:00

I did it again. I started another argument. I didn't mean to. I guess it is always me. I did it too when I am home. But sometimes I didn't really mean to do so. Want to undo what happened but there is no such thing as a undo button in life. Sorry, it is my fault. Not yours. Here I am stuck in stop motion room. Being really sad. The one thing I like about it here is that it is empty and I can be by myself at least to quiet myself down. But I hate the coldness here. It is freezing. I am freezing but nevermind. So sorry. You probably won't see this anyway so I guess it doesn't matter.

Sentosa trip

2007-05-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

I am currently listening to the music I got from Ying Han. The album is "The power of Love". Listening to these love songs makes me very emotional. It makes me think of my boyfriend. I know I have not mentioned to many that I got attached. Yes, he is not a christian and I know some of my friends don't approve of it. Frankly speaking, I was sad that some of my friends didn't support me in this but I can't blame them. I really like him for who he is, his character, his personality. This reminds me of the conversation that I had with Shi Qi. I remembered that we said that even if Danny and Jit are not christians, we will still be with them. Erm... I don't why I am typing all these. SEE! I told you the songs are making me emotional. Haha.

Anyway what I really want to blog about is the Sentosa trip today. It was fun. Wang Xun, Danny, Shi Qi, Royston, Pang ren and Jit went and we had a blast. I like the building sofa part. We made a 8 sittter sofa with a back rest from sand. TODAY WE PIN ROYSTON DOWN and got him all buried up. WOO HOO! Apparently he was suaning me again then suddenly the guys decided to take him down and we girls joined in the fun. It was a difficult task pinning him down but we managed it somehow. He got totally buried in sand so much so that only his head is sticking out of it. After which we modelled him, gave him big sand boobs and all and the lingam (only asian art student know this term... Haha don't wanna elaborate further on that) But whatever it is, it was our version of Lingam embeded in yoni. LOL.

I am really glad that I got to know them. My university friends are the best ever. We are all art students. All of us are interested in the same field and it is so easy to communicate with one another. These few years of school is the best ever. I love my school and my friends they only make my life there more spicy than ever. I can't imagine life without them. I really can't. Thanks you all. Haha... You know who you are. Keep smiling always!!!

P.S will post the photos once I get them from Shi Qi. They are very telling. Haha Animators are taught this " SHOW, DON'T TELL!"

Summer holiday

2007-04-30T22:49:00.000+08:00

I just realised that the previous time I blog is 14 April. Wow, that is quite a long time ago considering the fact that I used to be a frequent blogger but nowadays I hardly do that anymore. It is because I have so much work to do that I don't really have time to blog and the other thing is I don't have anything much I want to blog about.

It's 30th April now. Kaman, Felice, Jia Hui and Erica has gone to Mt Rainer, Seattle. I almost went with them but I backed out in the end. Now, I am probably heading to L.A during the summer holiday. I will be going UCLA to study 2 film modules. Seriously, I am excited about it. Going with Rong Rong, Elgin and Jit. Happy! I have at least a christian buddy to go with me. That will be Rong Rong. Don't have to face the problem of finding someone to go to church with then. I wonder how the place will be like. It is time I start taking out my camera and snap away like how a tourist usually does on tours.

As for Wang Xun, Xuan Ming and Si Yuan, they will be heading to MIT, Boston. Suddenly it seems that most of my friends are heading to America. Pretty cool. We can all meet up there. Well, probably not with Wang Xun and the rest as they are too fr away from us. But as for Felice and the rest, that is a different matter. They be touring L.A from 27-31 July after their work period. It be fun to meet up with them. SO EXCITING! Can't wait. Haha

Haiz~ But for now, I better get back to drawing my storyboards especially so when the angles are all pretty much dynamic. It be a bit tough to imagine and draw them out. I need maya to assist me in that. ok, time to back off from laptop.

Too tired...

2007-04-14T03:26:00.000+08:00

Ultimate exhaustion. That is the state I am in now. Trapped in mini maya lab, I continue modeling my ear as my body cries out for sleep. I want to sleep but the problem is there is simply no space for me to do so. The sofa in student lounge are taken, so are the bean bags in mini maya lab. I really need a place comfortable enough to lie down. Guess I am left with one option, model till 5am. By then, Shi Qi and Jia Hui would have left to develop their prints. I just have to tolerate the queasiness of my body for another one and the half hour. I know it is ridiculous blogging all these down. I just need a break from maya. God, help me. I am too tired. Really too tired.

Rely on God

2007-04-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

My external harddisk had some problems today and till now, all my data is temporarily gone and I really hope it stayed that way and not reach the status of permantently gone. I shouldn't have gone home, shouldn't have told my parents about this. They ended quarreling because of this. It's all my fault again. I really don't want to cause all this unhappiness. I feel so dumb. I feel like an idiot and maybe I have always being one. God was right to say I have low self esteem. I do have one... I dunno, I have cried tll my tears gone dry and I dunno what I am feeling.

All I know is I am left with one thing to do, rely on God entirely for strength and comfort and peace. Nothing more I can do. Have come to the very end of my capabilities. Now I shall just read my art history and do my best for presentation. That's all I can do. That's all.

Service

2007-03-17T23:03:00.000+08:00

I am really tired these few days especially now. Pretty much drained of all energy. Ought to go sleep but I just have to blog about this. Today service was not bad and after many quiet weeks, I felt the Holy Spirit and God calling me.

Pastor Jonathan told us to step forward to those who felt it and wanna respond to it so he could pray individually for each of us. I did and I am so glad about it. Tears fell. All the pent up emotions I had finally found a way out. He prayed that God knew I had low self esteem and that I am always asking why such stuffs happen to me. Why me? And God told me that he knows it all. He saw it all and I just can't help feeling touched that God knows it and He understands and Him being someone so big and important would see me worthy of His care and corcern. I know the pastor is really speaking through the Holy Spirit because there is no way for him to know all that. What he mentioned in his prayer for me was stuff I didn't mention a word to him about. I was facing family problems. Well, still am till today but it's way much better.

And he prayed that I will soon find my purpose in life. I mean I sort of know but it's too general and that he said that God wants me to surrrender my life to Him. That is something I wanted to do but it seems like instead of doing that, I ended up controlling my own life, doing things my way instead of God's. And it always ended up in a mess and my relationship with God will become further and further. I wanna come back to God. I don't wanna back slide. First of all, something I need to do is sleep because I can't do any work for Him if I am physically drained.

Yup, time to sleep. Thanks God!

I love animation!

2007-03-14T23:03:00.000+08:00

Today is my brother's birthday but I didn't do much for him. Be buying the thing that he wants... I spend my day in school today instead. Today marks the end of the workshop conducted by Mr Frank Terry. Oh my gosh!!! He is so knowledgable and he taught us a lot about composition and animation tricks and techniques. I learnt a lot from him, seriously a lot! Wish he was teaching me or rather I wish I was at CalArts learning animation. I really love art. I can't imagine living and working without it. Frank Terry really inspire me to be an even better animator. Happy!

http://mag.awn.com/index.php?ltype=all&sort=date&article_no=3018
(for those who wanna know about the best few animation schools in Europe)

http://www.cartoonbrew.com

http://sevencamels.blogspot.com

I LOVE ANIMATION!!! Haha... hopefully at the end of my summer holidays I can produce a stop motion movie to send in for animation festival. Happiness :)

Rain

2007-03-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

A lot of things happened recently. I am now an even happier girl than before. Haha. It was raining since yesterday (Thurs afternoon) and it only finally stopped just now in the evening. I really wonder how the clouds could store so so much water. Pretty amazing. Spend my whole day doing modelling in maya lab. I really love the peace and quiet there especially when there is only me in the room. SOLITUDE! Haha, enjoy doing my homework with the music on and the sunlight streaming in from those big windows.

Love the rain. Love the quietness. Love ya.

Chinese new year

2007-02-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

As always, I hardly have the time to blog. Homework is piling up. I am dead meat! It's the third day of chinese new year. Well, it's suppose to be festive but I am pretty much in the bored mode. I leave house early in the morning to visit relatives and only return home late at night around 9-10pm plus. Really tired! Actually, the only thing that I do at my relative's house is eat, watch tv, try not to sleep and eat somemore.

Today's celebration can be considered to be the most exciting of all. I had to wake up early in the morning to rush to the airport to send Felice off. So glad that my mother woke me up because I did it again. I off all 3 alarms without realising I am doing that. But in the end, Jit and I still managed to make it in time. Phew... It's a good thing we didn't wait for Raymond. If we did, we won't be able to see Felice. That lucky girl, she must be having a blast in Japan while we are all stuck here in Singapore.

The fun part was going to Muji with Rpyston, Raymond and Pang Ren. LOL... They suddenly made me try on jackets. Then they started helping me put on caps and scarves. LOL... I feel like I am their younger sister. It was fun being crazy and all, trying out outfits and pretending to be someone I am not. After that, I made them tried on the jackets too. Some really look good on them. Haha. It was fun! We did take photo and videos. Come to think of it, I have not slaughtered the three of them for what they did on the MRT ride away from Changi towards breakfast. All that cameras, all that flashes! Was it really necessary? NO LOR! You guys win liao and it's so exgerrated. The camera they are using are not normal digital camera but those big digital SLRS. MADNESS!

Went to Boo's house in the afternoon. Had fun singing those songs but quite sad I had to leave earlier to go to my aunt's house. I rather be at Boo's with my friends. Sigh... Oh well, I have no choice. It is a must that I leave her house and head to Serangoon but I had a great chat on the MRT with Rong Rong. :D

Sending Ri Xin off to Tai Pei tomorrow. Sigh... Another one flying off. Take care gal! I WILL MISS U!!! But I heard that Bao Juan is back! :D

Sunday

2007-02-04T10:52:00.000+08:00

Sigh... wanted to go Oikos today. Was thinking I would go for Oikos Service at 1115am then guess what I only realised at 9am plus that today is the first Sunday of the month and there is no oikos service. Today is combined service. Sigh... My memory is failing me. So here I am at home because by the time I rush down, service would have been over.

Am listening to all my christian songs. It really has been a long time since I stayed at home to do homework. The morning sun and afternoon sun streaming through my window, I miss all that. It also has been a long time since I listened to the christian music I had on my laptop, guess it's because I always come home late from school and would always fall asleep and have no time to listen to anything. Happy to be home! Just felt like saying "Thank You, God" :) Am very happy. Really hope I can go for mission trip. Things might happened again, bad stuff. Once the mission trip thing is decided, spiritual warfare will start because we are doing work for God and Satan does not like it. Had experience it myself but no matter what happens, it is ok because we are with God and when we are with God, we have already won. Really really hope I can go though this time there won't be Ri Xin and Zi Xuan with us. Anyway, guess what, this is the first time I finish my storyboard homework on a Sunday instead of Mon morning. Yeah!

Last Friday, many things happened. Well maybe not many but still was a bit down. Was trying to smile but somehow couldn't and then God made me smile. He made these whole bunch of clouds in the sky. And suddenly in the middle was a rather big hole and through the hole I can see even more clouds, very bright clouds. And from that hole came shafts of light (if this is the right word to use). It really seems as if the gate of heaven is right there. You can feel the warmth of it all. Really beautiful. Did take photos of it. In the end, God made me smile non-stop. Haha.

Snakes...

2007-02-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

Finally blogging again. Have been staying in school since last Fri till Mon to finish up homework. NOW I CAN FINALLY REST AT HOME!!! but have to stay overnight in school tomorrow (Thurs) because we have a night oil painting class. I will miss my bed and pillows. Anyway... Went for Basil and Lay Huey's wedding last sat and it was beautiful. They really love each other. Really have to thank God for bringing them together. Guess what, Lay Huey threw the flower and Jia Ling caught it. Woo Hoo! Haha... I am awaiting the marriage of 3 of my church friends. I probably have to wait maybe 3-4years or so before that happens. LOL!

Anyway today was really fun! Or rather the later part of the day because guess what I went to Ikea and I bought 14 snakes, 10 for Pang Ren, 3 for YY and 1 for Jit. You must think it is madness. up it sure is. But somehow I manage to carry it from Ikea all the way to Jurong East MRT. See... I told you I could make it and I did. Haha... Think I am used to carrying stuffs heavy and bulky from one place to another. I will always find a way to manage it. I have to because if I don't, I be stuck there and won't be able to go home.

Even though it is kinda light but very bulky and somehow I was able to manage it, I am still thankful that Jit decided to meet me at Jurong East MRT to help me. I do need help! It was a funny sight indeed, me carrying my own bag, with an Ikea plastic bag filled with 6 glass cup over my shoulder and in both my hands, 4 bulky plastic bags. Guess what, while I was on the bus ride to Jurong East, I dumped all the 4 plastic bags of snakes at the back corner of the bus and the next thing I did was lie on it and sleep and IT WAS THE MOST COMFORTABLE BUS RIDE EVER! Haha. Kinda enjoy bumping along with all the snakes. Had fun laughing with Jit at the whole carrying situation. It was really quite funny.

Rain

2007-01-20T20:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my first time in semester 2 that I stayed over in school. It's only week 2 by the way. But I ended up watching Sin city with my friends before going to sleep so I really didn't do much homework by the way. Oh well, but Sin city was a really great show. Love the narration. It's fantastic. It's kinda gory at some parts, didn't really like it but oh well... It did help add tension and suspense to the show.

Anyway, went to church today to practise the songs for tomorrow's worship. The 3rd song, the chorus's notes are all so high. Help... I can't sing that. I am a very alto person not saprono (spelling bit wrong). We practiced for more than 2hrs. I really love that time of worship with God. It has been quite some time that I sing with my heart and soul and not sing for the sake of singing. Really love that time of worship with God. That's how worship should be.

Was heading to National Library at City Hall but I suddenly decided to alight and head to the Art Museum instead. There was this art work "Washed away". Really like it. It's basically glass pieces that the artist picked up from the seashore and each piece of glass the artist engraved a word on it eg. man. This really reminds me of one of my treasures. I picked up a glass piece once in Sentosa I think and it was shaped like a lightning. Really like it. Yup... After that, I walked to Bras Basah to get some art stuff before heading to Straits Commercial.

By then it was raining and off I went to National Library to look for stories to adapt for my storyboarding homework. Well, found it and when I left the library, it was pouring really really really heavily but I didn't have an umbrella. That is how I got so drenched. I just walked in the rain from Bras Bsah all the way to the 174 bus stop near Subway Station, opposite SMU. I desperately need an umbrella but don't have any. So there I was walking and this really kind lady she offered to sheltered me across the road. I thinked I looked pretty pathetic. But really have to thank her for her warm gesture. Am happy. Now I am back home all warm and cosy. Yup, very happy to have met a kind soul today. Thanks. God bless you!

Early

2007-01-19T06:43:00.000+08:00

It's 630am in the morning, Friday. Bet my friends will be wondering why I am up so early. Actually come to think of it, I woke up at 5am. Wanted to go back to sleep when I remembered that the dateline for the NTU mascot thing is actually noon. I know it is today but the "noon" part I didn't remember it till just now! Oh well, it's done now. Just completed it. I wouldn't say that it is good or anything. I am not good at photoshop really. Ought to go learn it. It's really very early. At least I get to watch the sun rise and watch the sky as it changes colour. Happy.

Oil painting. 1338?

2007-01-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

I had oil painting class today. Oil painting is so tough especially when we have to paint a pelvis bone!!! Dying like crazy! Next week I am going to repaint it because I really did a lousy lousy job at it today. Really lousy seriously speaking. It really test my patience. Oh well... At least today I got a bit more familiar with the medium. That's one good thing.

Anyway I just found out that I am older than Ellen by a few mintues. The timing of my brith was 1338 and ellen was 1343. I am older sister liao but it feels so weird because I am so used to always being the youngest among my friends. It be cool if Ellen and I were born at the same timing and at the same hospital then we would have been bunk mates in the nursery 20 years back. Its very rare that we come across someone born on the same year, same date and same timing as us. But at least Ellen and I came close to it... Same year and same date and well rather close timing. Haha... Ok time to practice piano!

LOL Just found out that Ellen and I was born in same hospital so we were probably bunk mates.

Kukup trip

2007-01-10T22:58:00.000+08:00

It's the second day of school and frankly speaking, it doesn't feel like the second day if school at all. I felt as if I had been back in school for weeks. feels so good to be back. Haha... Did I miss school that much? Must be mad! LOL... Was walking to canteen 2 for dinner with Jia Hui, Ying Han and Hui Ying and we bumped into Samuel. He asked if we could pose for him. LOL We were supposed to give the attitude look. It's amzing how we immediately agreed and put down our bags to pose. All in the name of art? Haha. Oh and today Ah Gong (Royston) gave me the sweet he promised. LOL... I am surprised Ah G0ng even remember this. Thought was just talking crap, but he really did remember. BUT ANYWAY, THANKS AH GONG FOR THE SWEET!

Anyway, was supposed to have meeting just now but Wang Xun met with an accident. She injured her leg. Really wonder how she is now. Ok, back to updating on the past few days. Another long blog entry coming up.

3th, 4th Jan (Wed-Thurs) - KUKUP TRIP

Went to Kukup, Malaysia with my friends. I am very very surprised that my parents let me go especially since my parents always feel that Malaysia is a rather dangerous place. Yup, so I went. Met ut with Ellen and Jit at McDonalds for breakfast and off we go to Kranji MRT to meet the rest. The rest had breakfast somewhere near the customs before all of us decided to go ahead to JB first to walk around while waiting for Felice. Had lunch in JB. Felice came and off we go to Kukup. Didn't do much during the bus trip there. Talk to Ellen a bit, slept a little and took a few photos too. Still remember one part of the bus ride, had this ridiculous conversation with Pang Ren and Raymond and we go about rejecting one another and asking each other how it feels like to be rejected. LOL. It was dumb but it was fun. So crappy! I was the one who started all that ridiculous rubbish as usual.

Reached Kukup. Feels very much like kelong village. The house in which we lived in is better than I expected it to be. Floor tiles, air cons, 3 sets of mahjong, kitchen, karaoke system, really not bad at all. What's more... Accomadation (2days, 1 night) plus food plus boat ride round the kelong only cost RM75! Oh Dinner was BBQ but guess what we didn't have to barbeque the food ourselves. They do the barbequing, all we need to do is eat! Wow... I can't believe it. Very good service.

We played this game after dinner. It was the murderer, dectective game. Just that instead of blinking we have to link hands and pass the squeeze around. Really fun. Raymond and Ellen sat beside me. Think both of them very poor thing. Well, it's not entirely my fault. Sometimes they passed me the squeeze at the same time. Whoa, how was I suppose to count and remember how many squeezes I received on my left and right at the same time. In the end, I decided since I can't remember, I shall just squeezed both their hands one each which means they have been killed by the "murderer". Killed not by the real murderer but while the "murderer" who can't remember how many squeezes to pass down and that's me. Hee. The funniest thing about being a doctor during the game sometimes is that when you and the other doctor tried to save someone at the same time, the victim will end up being saved and will died once more when the second sqeeze is received. LOL... I think during the whole game, the 2 doctors did help mess up the game while accidentally killing and saving victims. But who cares, it's a game and it's more fun this way!

Oh we bought fireworks and lit them up at 12midnight. It was amzing! Too bad, the whole fireworks thing was so short. If only it had been longer. Really love it. Oh We played the drinking game and it was super fun! Of course I didn't drink beer. I drank water instead. I hate beer. Absolutely hate it! So you can forget about making me drink it. I can't help laughing. Such a funny sight. About half way through the game, I decided not to speak because talking is so troublesome. So so many rules to follow. In the end, we played till 6am. After that, joined Felice and Jia Hui in a game of mahjong. We wanted to stay up watch the sunrise but apparently there wasn't much of a sunrise. All the sky did was brighten itself. Thinking of sunrise makes me think about the sunrise I saw at Huay Hok. It was my first sunrise ever witnessed and the best ever. Nothing can ever beat that image.The clouds below us and the sun rising out from it. It's WOW! Expected that, afterall God created it. It has to be WOW! or more than that.

Went to sleep at 7am and woke up round 9am plus. I have become a light sleeper once more. Woo hoo! Woke up because I heard Danny talking and the TV was kinda loud. Walked around by myself a little. Love the sea but I must admit I was kinda scared of it too at the same time. Scared that I fall into it. Oh and I walked to this fishing area and the way there is lined with wooden planks. Kinda scary especially so when there are gaps all around and when you look down, you see the sea. It was pretty cool but nonetheless bit terrifying. Guess that's my phobia.

Had breakfast with the houseflies. They are really irritating creatures but the one thing I like about Malaysia houseflies is that they are fatter, slower and easier to kill than Singaporean houseflies. I did happily kill one during the drinking game by squashing it with my water bottle. Erm... kinda morbid! Haha.

After that, watched a bit of TV, packed up stuff and off we go to lunch and then finally to a boat ride around the kelong. I spotted jellyfish in the water. Oh my gosh, they are so squishy looking and they seem to go plopping away in the water. So cute! And there were the other fishes, crabs, PUFFER FISH, sea urchins and all that. Got to touch some of it. The next time we go Kukup, we have to take the boat trip into the jungle! Yet to get the photos from Rong Rong. Anyway, we left after that and the ride was pretty long. I meant the bus ride not the taxi. The bus ride was pretty long, two and a half hour. Played "Da Di" with Jia Hui, Ying Han and Ellen. I am really lousy at that.

Anyway, it was pouring when we reached JB. Sigh... Raymond, Pang Ren and Jit got to go to KL while the rest of us head to the shopping centre in JB. Shopped around a bit, had dinner. Oh Royston had a hair cut and it really looks good on him. Was not able to watch movie there. Timing was too late for us to watch. Had dinner at kenny Rogers and the serving was HUGE! I think my appetite really shrank a lot. I can no longer eat as much as I used to. But it was fantastic. Ended up buying a pair of slippers in JB. And it was back to custom and WHOA! was near customs (still in JB) and my hp suddenly had reception. Goodness, I had lots of missed calls and smses. My hp was ringing crazily. Madness. Anyway it really feels good to be back home in Singapore! Though I must say I wish I could stay longer in Malaysia. I love traveling, that's why. This reminds me of the work and travel thing in USA. really hope I can go. I want to!

Ok Should stop here. Entry is way way way too long!

Baptism

2007-01-09T00:16:00.000+08:00

Ecclesiastes 9:10 "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom."

That's Hui Nan verse of the year. I havn't really thought of mine yet though. Hui Nan getting baptised this saturday at ECP. I wanted to go but I got Hannes project meeting. Thinking about baptism makes me think when will it be my turn. Probably do it this year maybe christmas. Now the question is how am I going to tell my parents about it? How will they react? But actually no matter how they react I will still go ahead with it. Afterall, this is my faith not theirs. But it's just that I wanted my parents to be there to see it, to be happy that I finally got baptised but I doubt that will ever come true. They are not christians in the first place. Sigh... Anyway, I wanted to update on the Kukup trip but I have yet to finish summarising my research. Really very tired and having a terrible headache but still not able to sleep. Sigh... Tomorrow is going to be a long long long day in school. 9am-530pm with only a half hour break. Wish me luck. Goodnight.

New year eve/day

2007-01-06T12:57:00.000+08:00

Am going to continue updating. New year eve was spent at Yi Ping lao shi's house. We had a lot of fun playing board games as usual. It was my first time playing risk and I must say it is really fun. Haha... I managed to capture the whole of America but in the end, we stopped the game because it was obvious Yi Lin who has the rest of the world besides America will win. Played with Goofy a little. Love that dog. He's so cute. School has started for some of my church friends. I guess from that day on, it is highly unlikely that everyone can get together to play like we did that day during new year eve. Sigh, really miss the good old days. Oh well, at least we get to see one another every Sunday in church.

These few days while school just started, think I should go out with Zi Xuan more before she goes to Australia. Really will miss her. Take care babe while you in Australia. I will always think of you! You my best friend ever. Zi Xuan is the very first person that got me to open up and changed me. If it wasn't for her, I will still be this really quiet girl that no one knows about because I keep everything to myself and share nothing. I really changed a lot, havn't I? And I am glad I did, I changed for the better. Hee... Thanks so much, Ophe. (Ophe is short for Opheleia and is Zi Xuan's christian name)

Anyway I went out with my school friends on new year day. Went to watch Charlotte's web. It was really better than expected. The last 30mins was really good. The death of Charlotte really had me tearing. I must admit Charlotte is really pretty though I am not one who is fond of spiders. Hui Ying is so innocent and pure. Haha... You know there was this part where Charlotte said to Wilbur that she is expecting. You know what Hui Ying did, she turned to me and asked "What is Charlotte expecting?" Oh my gosh, Hui Ying! Haha... She is expecting babies of course. LOL.

Went to borders after that and I saw this children book that I really like. It's filled with fun facts. Think the title was something like "Pick me up". Extremely interesting book! Love flipping through it. Too bad it's so expensive, $60 plus! Can't afford it. Oh well... Maybe another day of something I go check it out. Anyway I ended up with this really horrile gastric. Never had one that bad before. I had it once while doing stop motion animation but this time it was worse. The pain was continuos. It didn't even stop. Sigh... Good thing I am now ok. So sorry trouble you all that day, Ying Han, Hui Ying, Jit and Raymond. So sorry.

Updates

2007-01-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

This is going to be a super super long post. Have been wanting to update my blog but I didn't have the time to do so or was too tired. Even my blogskin is half finish. Have yet to complete it. Haha. I don't have any pictures to show for what I am going to type later on because I didn't took any. Pardon me for it.

28 Dec (Thurs)

Went to eat lunch with Xiu Jing and Pei Yun. They intro me to this restaurant that serve really good food at Westmal. It's just beside swensens. Haha Guess what, they were celebrating my belated birthday then. LOL... That's kinda late but I really don't mind. Thanks a lot! And it's really nice to catch up with old friends once in a while. Do miss them. Thanks for the present!

After that, I went to find Ellen and the rest at East Coast Park. It's has been like years since I been back to that place. Really miss it. Bring back old memories. I love the sea the best though I am also afraid of it the most. Well, the afraid part is with regards to falling into deep waters and drowning. This is especially so at night when the sea is just one dark endless "thing". If I stare at it too long, it does kinda freak me out sometimes. Guess I kinda had this phobia of falling endlessly since I was young, the result of endless nights of nightmares so anything related to it kinda scares me after a while. Anyway, when I reached there it was 5-6pm plus and frankly speaking, I really thought they had finish cycling and all I am going there for is to join them for dinner. And guess what, they havn't even cycle yet.

That was my very first time cycling in the evening and the sky was amazing. Love the way the colour changes. I could stare at it endlessly. We rode to this jetty on the left side of East Coast Park (ECP). Really like the long long fishing rod. I havn't tried fishing before, going to have to do it one day. Saw the fishes that the people caught. They are really small and silvery. Are they really edible I wonder. I mean it's so flat and small, seems to me like there isn't much fish meat. LOL and Jit said he wanted to try active fishing and I think it was Hong Yang or Ellen that said that he might as well jump down into the sea and catch with bare hands. Nothing can be more active than that. Totally agree! And that was really crappy! Haha

Anyway it rained when we were not even half way thru the park. It got heavier but it was fun riding in the rain. Never tried something that crazy before. Kinda chilly though but who cares! One thing to bear in mind the next time I go riding on a bicycle, never to wear jeans especially when it rains! The riding part is not the tough part, it's the part where I am in the air con bus wearing a totally wet jeans that kills me. SUPER COLD!!! And I am not one that can stand cold! But it was still fun nonetheless. I like the way the rain beats down on my face. The feeling is rather erm... how should I describe it... nice? Something like that but of course when it pours, it is another different matter. Glad that day the rain was not that huge. I really like riding through those puddles of water. It's fun! Guess that's pretty much the more interesting stuff that I did that day.

29 Dec (Friday)

Met up with Ellen and we went to the Chua Chu Kang farm area. IT IS SO FUN!!! I love to go to these unusual places. Took the farm mart shuttle bus. Got trick by the bus driver. The ride fare was only 50cents but he said $5. In the end, when we really was about to give him that amount, he had the "I can't believe you 2 girls actually believe me and are giving me that sum of money" face. He told us not to be gullible. LOL... You know, I think I am too gullible. I usually believes what others tell me. I don't know why, I guess I just trust people around me, trust them not to cheat me or hurt me in any way. Oh well, that's me.

Anyway, Ellen and I walked past a group of people doing prawn fishing. They had the radio on and I just couldn't help but imagine the prawns doing their thing in the way. I can picture them dancing and grooving to the music, swaying past all the hooks and occasionally giving the hooks a spin or a tap. LOL... That's just so animation. Quite a funny side. I ended up laughing and smiling all the way while walking past it.

Oh and we fed the bull frogs!!! I like the way they jumped to get to their food. I accidentally hit one or two of them in the head with the food bits. Let's just say my aiming was not that good. Wanted to throw the food in front of them but what they got was a whack. So sorry bull frogs. Didn't mean to hurt you. I fed the rabbits and guinea pigs too. The guinea pigs are so CUTE!!! They made those squeaky little sounds. Haha... They reminded me of Dr Dolittle. There was this talking hamster/guinea pig (which was it?) and it said "I'm cute. I'm furry and I lay 500 badies a year." Wish I could have one of them but my mother would not allow. Anyway, I really love this black brownish white guinea pig. I had tug and war with it. Well that's because it refuses to let go of the food. It wanted the whole long carrot slice for itself instead of a bite and sharing it with the rest. But in the end, I gave it the whole thing and it quickly ran to a corner to eat it after getting rid of his fellow cage mates. Haha... Really love that one.

Ellen and I walked about a lot and even took a taxi to NIPPON koi farm. I didn't know choosing koi will be so much fun. Sigh... All my koi that I brought that day at NIPPON died while I was at Kukup (Malaysia). Don't ask me why I am not sure of it myself. Kinda sad because I really love the fairy kois. Oh well, maybe I should stick to plants instead of fish, at least they don't die so easily. Anyway, the uncle was very kind to have drove us out of the farm and to the nearest bus stop. Ellen and I could have ended up walking to main road if it weren't for him.

The other half of the day was spent window shopping at Orchard with erm... Michael and Yi Chen I think. It was only in the evening that Jit came along. I know we ended up at PS and would have gone to Esplanade if it weren't for the guys. They wanted to eat. Oh well, anyway we were at the food court and we saw this really plump guy eaing like 3 bowls of noodles I think and drinking like many cups of soft drinks. It's really scary to see someone eat that huge amount. The guy looks like he can't take it anymore but he just kept on going. Somehow it just doesn't feel right. I don't remeber much of what happen that day. Losing my memory! Erm... seriously this entry is way too long. Shall end off here and go take a nap. Night!

Oh I suddenly remember why I actually ended up going out with Ellen they all on Thurs (includes Jia Hui, Hing Yang and Jit) because we got back our results that day and it was pretty good, so wanted to go Cosy Bay celebrate. But of course we didn't go there in the end. Ended up at Bugis instead.

Oh I got stomething to say about my art history results. Really I have to thank God for it, got B minus. First of all, that was the very first exam that I went to without studying and you know, Caroline never go to an exam without at least studying a little. Guess this time was because 2 of my end of semester animation project was due that same day as art history exam. Wads more I only slept an hour that day. It was terrible. The whole exam was a torture. I was so sleepy that I had double vision. I could be writing on a line and suddenly my whole vision will blur away and end up suddenly writing on the next line. Ended up doing lots of cancelling. In the end I gave up and went to sleep. When I woke up I got bout half an hour left but I really gave up writing this time. I never felt like that before. I just could not continue writing, was too tired. The whole exam was a torture to me. I seriously thought I would fail and have to retake art history. Really very thankful to God for seeing me through it. All my results turn out way better than I expected it to be. Very happy! Thank you God, could not have done it without you. That I know.

New year devotional

2007-01-01T12:43:00.000+08:00

It's 2007. Few weeks back or was it last week that Yi Ping lao shi told us to think about our new year wish. For me, my wish was to dedicate my life this year to doing God's work Not letting things like school work stress me and take my time away from God but rather to use it as a medium. Anyway I was about to do my QT when Hwee Min chatted with me online. We talked about new year wishes and about trusting and relying on God this year. After she went offline, I read my QT and guess what... God just confirmed what we had said through my QT devotional. Haha Just read the devotional material below and you know what I mean.

"Our journey" January 1 devotional

Bible verse: Isaiah 43: 16-21

One thing I love about Chicago is the Chicago River. Back in the 1800s, however, a poorly designed sewage system polluted the river, which then flowed into Lake Michigan, thereby polluting the city's water supply and resulting in deadly outbreaks of cholera, typhoid fever, and dysentery.

Something had to be done. Engineers got the idea that if they could reverse the flow of the river, the power and resources of Lake Michigan would flow into it. The fresh, clean water from the depths of the Great Lake would be channelled into the river, and would be a source of long-term satisfaction and strength to the city.

In 1900, they successfully reversed the flow of the Chicago River so that it is the only river in the Great Lakes system that receives its water from the lake. Because of this, the river is clean, strong, and never lacks a source - unline tributaries that draw their water from lesser and often unreliable sources, such as rainfall, snow melt, and underground springs.

Some of us are like the Chicago River before its flow was reversed. We have never permitted God's Spirit to restructure our passions nor allowed ourselves to draw our satisfaction from him and his pure resources. As a result, our passions draw their fulfillment from the world around us, and all we have to contribute is the debris and pollution we have accumulated. Sadly, a bird's-eye view of Christianity looks like that at times, with the pollutants of misplaced passions spilling into the sacred seas of church, home, and friendship.

To reverse the flow means that we need to restructure our longings. We must realise that we have cultivated a longing for lesser, sometimes-impure things. We must "remember not the former things" (Isaiah 43:18) but turn our hearts toward God, seeking to be satisfied in him and in all that he so wonderfully provides for us. When we do, we will experience the "new thing" that God wants to bring forth in our lives - the miracles of a renewed, cleansed heart that will declare his praise. Begin your new year by reversing the flow.

- Joe Stowell

Xmas eve at Sarah's house

2006-12-28T00:27:00.000+08:00

Going to update on certain stuff, on christmas eve I was with my church friends at Sarah' shouse and we played monopoly disney's edition. It was the best monopoly game I ever played. Haha... There were lots of shouting and bargaining and people wishing that they all jail instead. It was madness. You should have see the speed at which cottages are built or even better, at one go, 4 castles are built in a row. A step on just one of that space cost $950, enough to make anyone go bankrupt. Lol At that time, there was 7 of us playing and I was nicknamed the ultimated spoiler of the game becuase I happened to have cards of all different colours and my friends they needed those cards to complete their sets before they can start building. Haha... In the end, I managed to bargain for free parking even with cottage and hotel. And this start the whole "let's be allies." LOL in the end, we were all just split into 6 groups and I was being paid $6000 for a blue card... think it should be the 101 dalmations one. That is one scary monopoly game. After the allies thing started we ended the game because it is just too impossible to continue. It was the best "worst" monopoly game that I ever played. That was pretty much I did there at Sarah's house. Love my church friends. They are really good at making ordinary games super fun! Thay are also good at making ordinary days super exciting! Hee :D

Random thoughts

2006-12-27T17:18:00.000+08:00

It's raining again. I realised that nowadays I watched so many movies especially each time when I go out with my school friends. In the past I hardly watched movies and now I watched a whole range of them... animation, comdedy, romance, action-packed, thriller, arty farty ones too. Money is going down the drain very very quickly. My friends like Ellen, Jit, Jia Hui etc... heard them say that each time they watched a show they tend to focus on different stuff like how shots are composed, lighting etc because they have become so used to doing that that sometimes they just can't watch a movie without hinking about all that. Is it just me or am I not a very art person, to me watching movie is really fun. Things like shots, lighting, camera angle never once occured in my mind. I am always completely swept away by the story. Usually at the end of the show when everyone will start becoming analytical and discuss stuff about it, I am always standing at one corner thinking how in the world do they watch and remember things like shots and stuffs.

Anyway yesterday Zi Xuan and I had a long conversation on MSN. I really pray that God will continue to guide us and keep us far away from temptations and if we were to ever come face to face with one, the first we have to do is pray and run far far far from it, as far as possible. To try to take it on will be a dumb move. I want to put my trust in God in this matter. I think it's really time I stop bothering about it, wasted too much time and energy worrying about such things. Guess I should hand it all to God, He reveal when the time is right and at least I can now put all my focus on doing God's work. Afterall God is more important than all that. Hee... Will uphold you in prayer, Zi Xuan.

JING TING is BACK. So happy! Do really miss her a lot!!! Nothing much different about her. Just that she has lose weight. Haha Jing Ting if you aare reading this, I bet you be happy to see me admit that. LOL This totally reminds me of how we are all so convinced that Ri Xin will grow fat when she goes Taipei because of all the food there and she loves food except pork and anything that is very "gua". Haha, I think the more we tell Ri Xin she get fat, the more determined she be in proving us wrong then at least we have help her stay slim because each time she is about to eat something fattening, she think of us suaning her. LOL. Will miss you, Ri Xin.

Sigh... Just write from Zi Xuan's blog that her family be moving to Malaysia. OH NO!

She is going to be away for 4 years and her family will no longer be in Sinagpore. Got a feeling I will get to see her less and less. Sigh...

Friends...

2006-12-26T10:54:00.000+08:00

I write through Sarah's blog and it had me thinking of my life. I am so glad that my past 20 years. God has always been there for me so did my friends especially my church frens. My church buddies may not know this but it was them that lead me to God. It was Zi Xuan who made me opened up and got me to chare my personal stuff with her. Friends like Hui Nan, Si Xiu, Ri Xin and many many others... They let God's light shine through them and I saw how God work in their life and bless them. At that point of time, I really wanted that type of life too. I wanted God to be in my life as like He was in theirs and because of them, they led me to God and helped me all closer to Him. Really must thank you all for all your support and encouragement. You guys were the one who stood beside me through my ups and downs. LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! Your all were the best group of friends I ever have and I prayed that we will always be together and that we will grow closer to one another and God each and every day. And even as some of us start grduating from school and start entering the workforce, I prayed that we will always stay in contact. You guys are the best brothers and sisters that God has ever blessed me with.

Last of all, I really have to thank God. Thank God for being there for me. Thank God for putting my friends in my life. Without God, I wouldn't be who I am today. God has given me 2 good presents. The first is Jesus! and the second is my family and friends!

JT IS BACK!

2006-12-22T01:36:00.000+08:00

SO HAPPY! JING TING WILL BE BACK IN SINGAPORE TODAY! WOO HOO! Everyone (my church friends) is here well except for Bao Juan. But I am still very happy and CHRISTMAS IS COMING! Super excited... Get to see everyone again. Favourite time of the year... I don't care about presents wadsoever, I just my friends. Haha...This year 2006 is almost over soon and I must say I really enjoy this year no matter how stressful things are. I can't wait for next year. I got a feeling that next year things will be even better than before. I have some things in mind nd I do pray that somehow or another, I am able to go for it next year. HAPPINESS!

Miss ya

2006-12-20T00:21:00.000+08:00

It has been raining all day since morning. But I don't really mind that. Love the sound of rain and the coolness of the air. Making christmas gifts for my friends and writing christmas cards. I have been thinking about life and friends and I just can't help feeling sad thinking that one day I just might have to say goodbye to my friends. Guess that will happen 2 and a half years later when I graduate from ADM. I will miss my friends and school life and my prof and everything that I come to love at ADM. Now as I see Pei Shi they all working, I starting to see less of them in the sense that they can't come for church camp and stuff anymore cos of work unless it's their day off or something like that. Just wish this christmas, everyone of my church friend will go to church and for once be back as one whole group again. Really miss them. Sigh... Jing Ting is still in canada, wonder how she is. As for Ri Xin and Zi Xuan, they be leaving Singapore next year in Feb. Rin XIn, levaing for 5mths cos of exchange programme. Zi Xuan for 4 years cos she be studying social work there. She said she might worked there after graduating after all what she is studying is Australia's social work system and not Singapore's. I will miss her very much if she doesn't come back to Singpore to stay anymore. As for Bao Juan, she is in UK I think, dunno when she be bacjk in Singapore. She didn't say, maybe 2 years later, really hope she comes back to Singapore during Chinese new year or something. I miss her too! Really have to treasure my friends while we are all still here in Singapore. MISS YOU ALL! COME BACK TO SINGAPORE SOON!

Camp

2006-12-13T20:58:00.000+08:00

Ok... The previous camp entry is too much on the negative side. Sorry... lacking sleep and it affected my mood a lot. I feel asleep while doing my stuff just now. Feeling so much better now. I enjoy the camp very much even though sometimes it screwed up a little here and there. Was in MILO group and very glad to have known the little ones. Even though they can be very naughty sometimes but they are still cute little kids. It is not easy running a children camp and really I must say Ah Min they all did a really good job. The kids enjoy it a lot and they asked if next year there will be a children camp. haha... of course there will be. Cos we are doing a 3 year children camp series thing. I do really hope that we are able to do it. It is getting tougher cos most of us are university students and once we graduate from school, we have to work and it be difficult to attend camp. Simply cos we are working. Really must treasure our youth before it is gone.

Must really thank God for bringing all of us through this camp. Can see that the kids start to question and think about their relationship with God and can really tell the bond between them is stronger now and at least now there is a bond between us and them. Really pray that God will continue to guide us in guiding the little ones. Still thinking whether I should go Ubin with my friends or go church this Sunday or go church then go Ubin. I really feel like going church. Tml I ask my friends. Think I probably go church then Ubin.

enjoy? maybe not

2006-12-13T16:32:00.000+08:00

Back from church children's camp. I think I was really bad during the camp and I am really lousy in a lot of things. I don't feel like leading praise and worship session anymore because no matter how many times I tried, it is always a failure. Like during the camp one, when I lead not many kids sang anyway, not getting any response and I kinda like gave up half way during the session. I just wanted then was to get it done and over with. I know I should not be like that but I just could not help it but feel thata I have once more failed again.

And I guess it kinda go the same for the sharing session. I shared and I don't, maybe it is because I didn't share enough or either that I am really not good at it. There was this awkward silence in my group and I tried calling Xin Min over but then I saw her being very focused sharing with her group that I didn't want her to come over and help. I really feel like I have let God down and let this opportunity come to waste. Am I really that bad at all this. I really really tried my best or maybe I just didn't tried enough. I don't know.

And I guess this kinda affected me for the whole camp. Was not very enthu about much of the camp and well I was quite hot-tempered. I can't stand the kids. Sometimes they just don't know when to behave and I just started shouting at them, well... not really shouted... kinda talked to them in an angry tone or wadever. I dunno, maybe I am not cut out for this. Consider if I should continue helping out in church children's camp, maybe not next year, maybe as a camper or maybe just not at all. Afterall, I don't think I really did much during the camp. I don't seem to have really helped at all. Instead I felt that I have let more people down and I did especially God.

sleep

2006-12-10T03:10:00.000+08:00

Just blogging a short entry. Feeling really really tired. I need rest desperately. Feeling very bad for handing in 2 hong bao designs when I am supposed to hand in four. But itsike 3am and if I continue doing, I don't have o bother going to sleep. Whats more my brain is functioning at this really slow rate and my creative juices are long gone. And I have yet to pack my bag for my camp later and have to wake up at 745am and I have yet to clear away the paints and stuffs which I used o do the posters from my table. I really want to sleep. I can't seem to function at all. My body is really aching and my eyes are really red. And I am so tired that i can even dream up of a vivid dream in my 15 mins of nap which I just have to take if not I really can just drop dead liao. Dreaming equals to not sleeping well. ARGH... wadever... not in good mood. want sleep. need sleep.

WOW!

2006-12-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

I know I havn't been blogging recently. That is because I had so many things to do and well... I am really really tired. Dun wanna talk about that. Have been looking at the moon recently and it is beautiful! It's light and roundness. Kinda like the only light among the dark sky besides the star. Really it's a beautiful sight. I wish there is a place in Singapore that is totally no man made features and I wish I am able to just lie down on the grass and just look at the moon all night. I wanna watch the sky change colour from pitch black to rich warm colours of gold, purple and pink. Havn't done that for a long time. The last time I did that was when I stayed overnight in school. Each morning if I do stayed overnight, I will climbed up ADM slope by myself at 630am and just watch the sky as it changes colour. It's amazing, the things you can see is WOW! The clouds are ever changing... Sometimes I see an island, sometimes mountain ranges, sometimes a valley or even a river leading into the distance. Really miss those days. Can't blog anymore liao... back to work on camp booklet. ARGH!

NEED SLEEP

2006-12-03T02:11:00.000+08:00

Now it's super late. Have to wake up early to go church. The weird thing is that each time I have to wake up early, I will always end up sleeping late. I really have to wake up at 630am tomorrow if I wanna reach church in time at 830am... ok it's 2 hrs, haf hr to get ready, one and a haf to travel. Sigh... but oh well. Just when I wanted to sleep just now, I thought of a story and well, I hoped I be able to turn it into a good piece of animation for my friends for christmas present but one big problem, I dunno how to compose music. Sigh... Have to use copyright music again. Does anyone know of any royalty music that I can download and use for my mini project?

ARGH! Headache, better go sleep soon but before that, need to work on the template for camp booklet and I am so screwed have not memorise lyrics for tomorrow. Sigh... This is a weird entry. A perfect example of what happen when you don't go to sleep when you are suppose to. haha... need sleep!!! Ad I realy need to change my blog image

exams over

2006-12-01T01:09:00.000+08:00

Yeah! I am finally home... well sort of. I still have to go back school these few days to clear up my stuff in stop motion room. Well, I brought home a lot a lot of stuff and now I have one big problem. I need more room space. Really glad the holiday is here. Going to start brushing up my maya skills. Time to hit the books and play around with the programme and have to start doing research for Hannes project. Well, actually I have started it liao. Just need to get a notebook to jot down all my research and stuff. This holiday I wanna work on a lot of stuff but I don't think I got mch time. Sigh... was practicing piano just now and it's killing me!!! I better start practicing again, my piano cher so going to slaughter me tml. BACK TO PIANO!!! YIPEE NO MORE EXAMS!!!

With God

2006-11-22T20:41:00.000+08:00

This morning was horrible. I couldn't take the stress anymore. Broke down while doing maya but good thing no one saw or so I thought. When out of maya lab to rooftop. I am glad that no matter how bad or meaningless things have become there is always God and He be there for me. He pull me through and frankly speaking I wouldn't be able to pull myself together if it wasn't for Him. Ri Xin told me this "When u feel that u cannot already, know that you have God who says He can." How true it is and surprisingly things did turn out better than I expected. I am really glad God is beside me all the time even when I drift away unknowingly. I still wanna go back to His side, no matter what I wanna stay close to God. No matter how tough life may be, I am sure I get through it somehow with God beside me holding my hand. I just have to not give up and continue to rely on God for strength, comfort and peace. I have 3 more projects left. Time to "shoot" them down one by one.

Thanks you God!!!

2006-11-17T03:05:00.000+08:00

Finaly a computer in my school that allows me to go blog. Well, its 3am plus in the morning I think and I am doing stop motion. Was really frustrated with myself cos from 3pm Thur to 2am Fri I tried doing my stop motion walk cycle and I just couldn't. Very happy now cos guess what I had my best best best friend to help me. God!!! Hee... He helped me hold my characters upright while I took the pictures frame by frame. Haha... He probably is looking at me typed this right now. THANK YOU GOD!!! Now my character is doinh fine. Very happy!!! I better go shoot finish my walk cycle now. And one more last thing THANK YOU GOD SO MUCH!!! You made my day!!! :D Love you God!

Your hapy daughter,
Caroline!!! :D

Just between God and me. Thank you, Lord

2006-09-25T21:18:00.000+08:00

Was very pissed off just now, but now all I am is sad. I really dun wanna be the person I used to be. This really cold, bitter, full of hatred girl. I wish I can really forget and forgive. It has been years and yet I keep on getting affected by it. It still hurt badly thinking about all that happened. I wanna forget and forgive. I wanna. I can't take it anymore. I don't want hatred and anger to feel my heart. God forgive me and help me.

"All We Like Sheep" by Don Moen

All we like sheep

Have gone astray

Each of us turning

Our own seperate way

We have all sinned and

Fallen short of Your glory

But Your glory is

What we desire to see

And in Your presense

Is where we long to be

O Lord show us

Your mercy and grace

Take us to Your holy place

Forgive our sin

And heal our land

We long to live

In your presense

Once again

Taking our sickness

Taking our pain

Jesus the sacrifice Lamb

Has been slain

He was despised

Rejected by men

He took our sin

Draw us near to You Father

Through Jesus Your Son

Let us worship before You

Cleansed by Your blood

Thank you Lord. It feels great to be in Your presense, in your arms. No more hatred and anger and sadness. Only Love. God is love.

Biennale (Tanglin Camp)

2006-09-25T15:10:00.000+08:00

Last Fri, went to the Biennale at Tanglin Camp. We took 174 and had to walk a long long long way. On the way, we found those red saga seeds. Haha Now I found another place to pick Saga seed. Used to pick them at Sentosa but apparently the place is gone. Well at least there is Tanglin.

Went to see the art works and I liked it. I like the fish tank one. Ellen gave me a fright there when her head suddenly popped up in the art work or rather in the fish tank but haha. Went down to the basement to try it out and wow it really feels like I am in a fish tank. I went up the other hole too and it is like been in a miniature garden. I took 2 photos of it with my hp camera but it turned out really really lousy. Like the 2nd photo. It's as if there is a mirror there.

Another interesting art work is the one where u have to enter the room, close the door and then stare at something in front of u and when your eyes finally adjust to the darkness, you see this gross and scary looking head image that seems to be moving in and out. Haha... apparently my night vision is not bad, I saw the image soon after ellen closes the door, took me less than 20secs for my eyes to adjust to darkness and see it. It was just like that. Ellen couldn't really make out what it was.

Anyway, there is this art work. It is called "Belief board" I think. I wrote my wish there. It be realy cool if someone really answer to it and really really could help out with that. I probably go tanglin camp and visit that art work again. Oh that reminds me I really love the art work that shows the drawings of primary sch kids of merlion and mob mob (dunno how to spell).

Lots of wonderful stuff there. Ended up buying a flower there and I got the belief cup. The words "belief" really appear when you pour hot water or anything hot in it. So cool! haha... I wonder how it is made.

Guys are back!!! Matthew 6:33-34

2006-09-25T00:22:00.000+08:00

Today went to church and guess who came... EE FUN!!! I havn't seen him for a long long long time and well, his fav colour is still red as usual. And guess wad AARON came too!!! But he left so soon. When they come to church, I am so hapy cos I missed them! It has been for a year since I last seen them. I really wished they could come to church every Sunday. They probably have their reasons for not coming. That I am not sure.

Anyway, took a picture today with some of my church mates. Ee Fun said he wanted a picture of us so that he wont't forget us. It really is a long time since all of us have got together and take a photo. Let's see, some of us are not in the photo but oh well. Photo is kinda small by the way. Anyway clockwise from left: Enoch (white adidas jacket guy), Wei Zong (black shirt, white sling bag), Zhan Yi (furthest from camera), Yi Cong (red and black strips shirt), Hwee Shan (yellow shirt gal), Zi Xuan (short hair, white shirt gal), Ri Sheng (white shirt guy), Si Hui (another yellow shirt gal but short hair), Ee Fun (red jacket, black cap), Hwee Min (white and blue strips shirt), Me (white long sleeve shirt), Ri Xin (sleeveless white top) and Si Xiu (pink top)

Wei Zong came too, well he come almost every Sunday. Haiz~ God, I wished that you heal his leg. The Decemeber marathon may be his last time he can ever run in a race. I really wished for a miracle to happen. But above all, let things go according to your will. I know you have a reason for this and I probably may not be able to understand it now but no matter what, I still put my faiith and trust in you that you take care of Wei Zong.

Wei Zong, you probably not know but I actually did cried when you told us about your leg condition. Really wanna see you be able to run even up till old age. Was really sad to hear about your leg condition. Do take care of yourself as you prepare for your marathon. God will be your source of strength. He will be with you through out the whole marathon. No matter how painful your leg might felt during the arathon, don't give up cos God didn't give up on you neither have I and neither did the rest of us too. Really hope for a miracle. Take care! I will always be your angel Haha. This is what happens when the you start an "Angel, mortal" game during camp. Take care! Will be praying for you. God bless you!!!

Anyway somehow or another... these few weeks, in church or outside of church, the topic of relationship between a christian and a non-christian keep popping up in my life. It just did a few hours ago during discipleship class and just now when Ellen asked me. I still hold on to my own set of rules, if I ever have a BF, it be a christian. I like something that Hui Nan said last week. I can't remember her exact words but well, it is along these few lines. The question that she answered was regarding this, what happens if that is the right guy but he is not a christian. This should be the question if I am not wrong. I like her answer , if that is the guy that God wants her to be with then " I have the whole eternity to wait". Haha Love that. It's true, I rather the guy be a christian and then I consider him. Afterall the relationship is not just between him and me but him, me and God. Can't have that if the guy does not have God. And I don't mind waiting, I have an eternity to do that. Haha

And I disagree that only wanting faithful christian guys as BF limits my choice. Nope not at all. In fact, it just makes my choice better. Not that non-christians are not good. That isn't what I meant. When I mean better, I mean more compatible with christian guys in terms of being able to grow spiritually, support each other in prayer and stuff like that. You can't do that with a non-christian guy. I will still stick to what I believe.

Actually I don't really care about all these relationship stuffs. When the time comes, God will reveal it to me. There is nothing much to worry about like "Have I met the right guy?" , "Wil I ever get a Bf?" etc. All these is not important to me. What I wanna do now is this...

" But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will borrow about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

Random

2006-09-18T23:09:00.000+08:00

I havn't been updating my blog for quite some time but that is cos of the time I am in school and well I don't blog in school. I am stressed recently over homework but weirdly, I don't feel stressed as well. The peace in my heart comes from God I guess, that's why I am like that now. Dun really know what I wanna type about also.

I miss JT! I miss my friends, my church frens. Hardly hang out wif them liao ever since I have to rush home from church to go school on Sunday. I dun wanna be Sunday christian. Discipleship class ending. Semester almost mid semester liao. Lots of things to do. Lots of commmitment. Am throwing out random sentences. Shall stop it now cos make no sense. Die, havn't practice guitar. Doom. Dead. ARGH! Extra lessons. B! No! Haha... I can cow on you. pretty turf "pretty tough" LOL I am typing things out that only God and I can understand. Hw time!

short updates

2006-09-12T02:10:00.000+08:00

I was reading my frens' blogs and I realised how much they cared for me. I am really blessed. On Sunday during the worship session, I could not help crying a little. I look around me and I see everyone worshipping God together I felt His presence and I saw how blessed I was to have so many brothers and sisters in Christ and the best of all, I am so blessed to have know God. I realised that it has been quite a while since I last really worship God with my all and not let half of my mind wander off to homework and problems. And I was very touched that God loved me so much. He gave me so many things in my life. There is nothing more that I can ask for. I have my family, my god family, my church frens, frens outside of church and best of all, I have God. Really, what more can I ask for?

As for Wei Zong, I really wished that God will perform a miracle on his leg that he will be able to run forever and ever. But if God didn't heal his leg problem, I guess that is ok. God have his own reasons and His ways are always better than ours because God is able to see everything but for us, our perception of stuffs are always limited. Really prayed that Wei Zong is able to run n perform well for the upcoming marathon in Decemeber. It may be his last run but I hope it will not be.

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Hee... I am supposed to be figuring out maya stuff but instead I am blogging. It's like 2am plus liao. Lucky tomorrow no school, I can sleep a bit later. So glad to be able to chat with Jing Ting. Finally see her come online ever since she left for Canada. Really miss her. Pray that God will protect her while she is there. Got to go. NIGHT!

For Li Wei

2006-09-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

This blog entry is specially for Li Wei only ! :D

Hiya Li Wei, I read your blog. It's not dumb of you to blog down (pen down) what you thought after reading my blog entry. In the end, I actually did read it. Thanks so much for caring. As for me being sad, it's partly because of what happen and the other part... Well, I know that it's the devil putting those thoughts in my head about being useless and worthless and stuff like that. I knew what the devil is doing to me and yet I still believed. I shouldn't have because I am not all that. In God's eyes, I am not useless or worthless. It's just the devil trying to bring me down and it did but I am thankful that no matter what happens, God is there to give me a wake up call and pull me up. Glad that we have God in our lives. He is the best ever.

Hey girl, you are not useless. No one is. In God's eyes, you will always be useful. You are His daughter and He will never neglect you. Anyway, you can always post a messege on my tag board. I won't scold you one. That tag-board is free for all to post their messeges and that includes YOU!!! :) I read your blog and I dunno what problems you have been facing but no matter what, always rely on God. When you need someone to be there for you , you can always be sure that God is there. He is just right beside you. He will listen and comfort you always if you let Him. I faced lots of family problems and life was tough especially when I am that young and had no one to turn to. Well, I had God and if you were to ask me, if I could change my past, will I do it? Well my answer will be no. Life was tough then but all that I been through lead me to grow closer to God and because of that, I am now a much stronger and less bitter person than before. It was worth the struggle, really worth the fight.

Hey girl, I know I don't know you that well but I can always lend a listening ear if you want. I don't mind. Take care always and remember to always rely on God for strength. I be praying for you. :) NIGHT!

Stressed

2006-09-09T02:08:00.000+08:00

These few days I have been so busy and stressed up with school that I hardly have time to blog at all. There is so many things going on around me that I have to attend to. I wish I could just push everything aside but obviously I can't... Sigh... I am very very stressed up. Today Ellen told me that I don't seem like the type who would cry. Very surprised she said that. I am definitely a person who will cry easily... especially when stressed. Guess when I really cried it means something is really really not wrong except when I cried during movies... That one not counted. Kinda stressed today that I ended up eating lots of packet of junk food. It's a lot especially when you realise that I am not the type who will always eat junk food but today I ate a lot. Sigh... And now I am drinking hot choclate cum marshmellow drink to destressed. I am so confused nowadays over something. I don't even know wad I am thinking. I can think about sth for a moment and the next I be thinking about sth that contradicts what I have thought about a moment ago. I wish I knew which is right. Sigh... God can you reveal to me the answer to that question?

I am sorry

2006-09-05T00:47:00.000+08:00

God, I did something really bad today. I hurt my friend. I hate myself now. I really do. Why do I have to say stuff like that. I wish I never have to encounter any relationship problem bacause it seems like each time I meet with such a thing, I always hurt someone. I think I just lost a dear friend and I can only blame it on myself. My friend probably hates me now. It makes me think of how when I was really young, my parents when they scold me, they will say I am useless and hopeless and I really feel like what they say is true. God, I didn't meant to hurt my friend but I did. I am a idiot. I really am. Here I am crying sadly like it will help make things better. I am so useless, all I know how to do is cry. I hate myself. I really do. I am really sorry.

Posters

2006-08-31T23:22:00.000+08:00

Jing Ting's mum told me something and I am really happy about it. I did posters for her a few months ago and well... it went really well and guess what, they are hiring me for the next poster job. Woo Hoo... She already told me to get ready for next job... Now she is looking for the information and stuff like that. But what makes me happier is that someone else, dunno it is a client or patient or whoever it is saw my work and asked Jing Ting's mum who did it. The person is interested in getting my contact but Jing Ting's mum didn't give cos she doesn't know if I mind a not. Actually I am busy with school work so I don't really wanna do posters or wadsoever now but the fact that someone else wants to hire me... I am very happy :D

I better go practice my piano now. Lots of homework to do recently and I better do my QT. Staying oernight in school and stuff somehow always distracts me from doing QT. I dun wanna drift away from God. Must always come back to him. Keeping on track wth Jesus in good times and bad is the only way to finish life and face eternity with few regrets. I want to live my life for God and if it means having to give up certain stuffs for Him, so be it. God is mroe important than anything else.

Poem

2006-08-30T02:18:00.000+08:00

On Sunday, Wei Zong shared this small poem during Oikos and I really like it. Here is how it goes...

People are often unreasonable,
Illogical and self-centred;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
You will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
People may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
Some could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
They may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
People will often forget tomorrow;
Be good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
And it will never be enough;
Give the world the best you're got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
It is between you and God;
It is never between you and them anyway.

Really love this poem. I dun wanna talk about it now. Really tired... It's like 219am and I have to wake at 645am. Better go sleep now. Night!

Recently...

2006-08-25T01:19:00.000+08:00

So many things happen recently (can't believe what I typed... I initially typed Some many things recently happened... whoa what type of English is that??? SUPER BROKEN!). Have been staying overnight in school at lot just to do homework. Actually I kinda like doing homework in school because in the middle of the night can climb up the rooftop garden and lie down on the stars and watch the stars and it's really beautiful. I did that yesterday and I feel aslept on the grass for a few minutes. It's so cooling and quiet up there. Love it!

Recently I boughta cd and a book. Cd is Stream of praise vol 10. Really like the songs in there and I got myself a book that I saw. You wouldn't have believed me if I told you where I found the book. It was under the children's storybook section at Borders and I found this book "Children's letters to God". The things the kids wrote to God... are really funny. Can tell some of them are really innocent and some are really mature for such a young age. Really love this book. Had a great laugh on each page. I think I wanna go share it with my friends in church. Hee hee. This book really reminds me of my god niece and god nephews. Went over to my godmother house today and Ah Xiang was so cute. He came running to me and flung himself on me and hugged me. AR... SO CUTE!!! Haha did some helicopter lifts or wadever it is called, basically I swing him around many times. He find it fun but at the end of it, I find my back aching! HE IS HEAVY!!! Haha and I am getting older. LOL... Ah Xiang and Yi Xuan never fail to make my day with just a smile. Haha

I like school. SO FUN! and yet so stressful but at least I am doing something that I like. Was so tired today after staying overnight for 2 nights that I didn't go for the ice skating welcome tea. Too tired to go. Have to practice on my keyboard too since tomorrow got piano lesson and my teacher she is good at telling whether one has practice anot so I ended up practicing like crazy just now. can't blame me, there is no piano in sch for me to use and practice on. Sigh... I better go do conceptual design homework. Fell so bad not doing a single thing about it cos I was doing animation homework all the time. Got to go do homework liao!

Oh I lose my water bottle again at canteen 2 I think.Sigh... doubt I be able to get it back :( Jing Ting is going away to Canada this coming Tuesday. I am going to miss her badly. Jing Ting, TAKE CARE!!! Don't forget your good friend here who is stuck in Singapore. Haha... God take care of Jing Ting for us! :D

Phew... wasn't injured. Thank God!

2006-08-21T11:09:00.000+08:00

Thank God I didn't injure myself. If I did, I would have to send myself to the hospital and my parents would have been worried and angry over the incident. Well, I was looking through all the equipments at home and well I was holding on to a scissors. It's not a pair of normal scissors, those light type. It is those heavy metal type and the blade is kinda rusty. I dropped it and thank God, really have to thank God, I was alert and my immediate reaction when it dropped was to move my right feet backwards up and away. If I didn't do that, the scissors would have gone through my feet. Goodness, I really should be more careful around all these stuffs especially since I am always playing with wire and wire cutters and all those sharp equipment. Very accident prone. Really have to thank God for this. Phew!

At home right now, looking for materials for my stop motion. I am going to love building the set. haha... so fun!!! My home has a lot of ridiculous but rather useful stuff. That is cos I keep them in secret place without my mother knowing. If she knew she would have made me throw them away. Haha... time to bring out my hidden "treasures". I love climbing high and low, digging through cupboards. Use to do that when I was a little kid. I would wake up in the morning at around 7-8am plus while everyone is still sleeping and take the chair from the store room and look at the contents in the cupboards. Or I do that when my mum takes a nap in the afternoon. You wouldn't have believed what I found... lots of old old photos and some really old toys, decoration stuff etc. Hee hee... till now my parents don't that I did that. But I no longer do that. Well, that's cos the contents in those cupboards are still about the same. Can't chat, time to go find fabric! Hee hee... I LOVE THE PEACFUL AFTERNOON!!! I LOVE MY LIFE! I LOVE MY FRIENDS! And I am going crazy liao. Haha

BBQ OUTING WITH CHURCH FRENS!

2006-08-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, went out with my church friends. We went to Sembawang park. It has been a really really long time since all of us went out together. Haha... We had our BBQ all day long. Shao Cheng's chicken wing is FANTASTIC! Yummy!!! Oh and I help make our BBQ speciality - hot melted chocolate and marshmellows with banana. LOVE IT! SUPER SUPER GOOD! I can't remember when was the first time I ate it. Think it was Pei Shi who first let me tried it but no matter what, it's really great and I mean it and the thing is, it's easy to do! Through out the whole BBQ, both the Jing Tings are sitting there, ended up serving them food! Aiyo both of them lazy pigs!!! They are lucky I don't mind serving people at all. In fact, I love doing it.

We played captain ball after that. IT WAS SO FUN! Haha I was the slacker... didn't do much running except only when I have to. Haha... Good thing was the opponent team, well, no one was marking me so I was always open and the ball came my way! WOO HOO! Free to run about. It's a really great game and my team won with the help of the tree. I can't help but laughed just thinking about it. All the ridiculous things that happened during the game and yet the ball was caught by the catched. LOL! I think I am pretty much out of shape, need to exercise more but with the time I spend in school, hardly have time to exercise.

And then at night, Zhou and Chen and Sia family stayed back late. Haha basically it means, Min, Shan, Sheng, Qian, Min's fren, my brother and I stayed till late at night and we played some of our childhood games. Oh and we got xiao wei, xiao guang, yi ping and shao cheng too... nearly forgot these adults. They did join us in the game and it was a blast. I suck at one game... totally suck at it. This chinese game where ur fren beside you will say 3 chinese words and then you will have to say it frim back to front. I super cannot make it in that game. Haha

Oh and through out the whole BBQ, I was playing with Goofy, the dog on my msn display picture. I reminds me of the dogs that I used to play it when I was really young like 3 years old or sth. 6 in total, really cute. I always dream of uniting with them one day. Haha but what are the odds that they are still alive and if they are alive... How would they recognise me and me recognise them after like over 10 years.

ARGH!!! Super late... oh well 12 midnight liao but I have to go sleep. Think I am going to fall ill soon because I didn't rest enough and drink enough water and I hardly eat. Busy until didn't eat. I really need someone to drag me away from work and stuff for meals. Sigh... Think I might get a fever soon. Saw the redness of my cheeks and it's not the usual redness. Is always redder when I am about to fall ill. Sigh... ahll stop blogging and go practice on my keyboard then sleep or maybe I skip practicing. early day tml! yawn! I think I go sleep instead. NIGHT!

(P.S. Bao Juan welcome back to Singapore. Miss you a lot!)

Fireworks

2006-08-13T01:14:00.000+08:00

Anyway I have finally watched all the fireworks of the firework festival 2006. Let me see... the one chereographed by Italy is really not bad. I watched it after the Ubin trip. I remembered it being really dynamic and loud. The finale of it was FANTASTIC! It's like a really big waterfall and instead of fading away, the sparks or wadever it is continue to drift down for quite a long long while. Really great! But the fireworks done by Singapore team. I think its really really messy!!! Especially the finale... They just starting throwing out all the fireworks that they have. Not really a good ending. Anyway went to watch the one done by New Caledonia and WOW I LOVE IT! It really had that tranquil feeling... rather serene. Especially the part with those mini waterfalls. As for today, it's not bad too. Haha I am really bad at describing fireworks. You just have to be there to see it. I can't blog anymore, have to go sleep. It's almost 340am and I got church later in the morning.

Pulau Ubin!

2006-08-11T01:49:00.000+08:00

I havn't been blogging lately since school started.as really busy even though it is the first week of school. Anyway I went with my friends to Ubin. Lets see, there was Ellen, Jasmine, Jit, Jeff, Jot, Royston, Keat Hock (dunno how to spell his name) and me. Really had a wonderful time in Ubin. I really love it there. But I think everytime I go cycling there, I become a danger to those around me. Oops... I don't really control my bicycle. I dunno why but the gear I am at seems too easy to ride on. Dun feel myself straining to keep the bicycle going. And I don't like it when vechicles come up or behind me cos I will always start to panic a bit then I will start to lose control over it. Almost got into an accident once at Ubin, not the time when I was with Ellen they all. It was with my church frens. They probably dunno this cos they didn't see it I think. I nearly collide into the van coming up front buy manage to stop at the side of the road for it to pass. If I had not try to calm myself down, I would have just hit the van straight ahead. I really am a danger when I am on a bicycle.

Anyway was riding through the forest when we came across some monkeys plucking durians!!! They threw the durians on the floor and we took one. It was really really good. Nice, warm, rich and creamy! YUMMY! Of course we had to watch out for flying durians. People usually say durians have eyes but somehow I don't think monkeys have them. I don't mean that literally. The monkeys won't bother to look who is standing below before throwing. So glad none of the monkeys came after us for taking their durians. Phew!

Our second round of durians came when the guys passed by this area and they smelled durians! LOL Thier nose must be really sensitive. I only smelt it when I walked into the forest and not while I was on the road. And so we had another round of yummy durian at this temple.

And Ellen brought us to this special part of the quarry and it was amazing! The water is so turquiose! The rocks and trees and all that... It was amazing! I love it a lot. It's like walking through some forest in some European country. Really really beautiful. It's God's creation so of course it is such a wonder. I wanna show Ophe the place before she goes overseas to study for 6 years. It be long and I miss her. 6 years of not seeing her, it's going to be hard. Guess I can always email her but it be weird not getting to see her every Sunday. Oops very off topic liao. Anyway, I was going to say if you look hard enough, you will find that Singapore is really a beautiful country to live in. Maybe it is does not have mountains or splendid forests or waterfall, but it sure does have its own beauty. :D Love Ubin a lot!

Scared

2006-08-04T22:51:00.000+08:00

Church frens, if you are reading this. Please do not say it out. Please don't tell anyone what happen. My godmother would not like it if her incident is being spreaded around church.

I was so scared just now. Had a call from my god sister in law that my godmother fainted. At that time I was still working in school. It was only when I got a call from my mother that they are sending my godmother to hospital that I started getting really worried.

God gave me peace in my heart and I knew that nothing bad will happen. But the thought of losing someone so important in my life made me break down in tears. When I told Ellen that I was not joining them for dinner and that I was going to hospital instead, I nearly broke down but I had to control my tears. I can't break down in front of them. Guess that was why I really wanna catch the 199 bus. I suddenly just ran across the road but of course, I did checked that there was no incoming vehicle but I missed the bus. Think back now, I didn't even say goodbye to them before running off to the 179 bus stop. Kinda relieved that I have done that because I could no longer hold back my tears. I really wanted a shoulder to cry on but part of me knew it was better that I didn't have any, it will only made me weaker and cry even harder and longer.

My godmother is too important to me. Since the day when I was 1 years old, she was the one looking after me from morning to night. The only time I saw my parents was when they bring me back home to bed. I am very blessed to have 2 mothers. If I were to lose any of them, I be sad but will be ok eventually cos I know I see them in heaven someday. Well not them, only my godmother. My mother still does not believe in Jesus and I praying that she will one day. I don't wanna lose my mother for eternity. As for my godmother, it wasn't her first time she fainted. This was her second. The first time she fainted, her heart stop twice while she was in the ambulance. Thank God they were able to bring her back.

While I was there, I saw this family. They were sad and cried and I guess that their mother was in a really serious condition. Then they were called into the counselling room and this time the whole family including the relatives were in tears. Their sorrow, their tears, their cries, really broke my heart and I almost teared along with them. As for my godmother, she is ok for now. The doctors still can't tell wad's wrong. She must have fainted and vomitted for a reason and that's why they are doing a blood test now. The doctor say the results will be significant and it will take 2hrs around 12 midnight. God, please heal my godmother. Please do. Thank you for the peace you placed in my heart.

Memories...

2006-08-04T01:51:00.000+08:00

Today went to work in school and it was a blast. work is only fun when it is combined with play. Haha... We had to clear the boxes from the 3rd floor open mac lab and we ended up piling them up and pushing to the staircases. After that, we just pushed the whole lot down the stairs and watched it tumbled down before we start kicking at those boxes that are caught along the stairs railing. It was really fun! It was tiring... imagine from 3rd floor to basement one but wow it was a blast actually. Love it. I am ok with school but ADM is the one and only school I am always excited about. I guess it is because of friends there and it is really what I love and what God wants me to study. One big thanks to God for putting me there.

Anyway went to pick Jia Hui up at airport and she was talking about her Mongolia trip and when she showed us the letter that a girl wrote to her, it reminded me of Li Jun, a girl from Huay Hok village who I met during the mission trip. In her letter she told me that she will miss me and will not forget me and that she believes in God. Though I remembering saying that I go Huay Hok next May/June, but with all the stuff going in school, I wonder if next year hols, I will have time for a mission trip. But I guess no matter whether I go there again a not, I definitely be able to meet those kids up in heaven one day because we are all children of God. And one day, we be up there in our Father's home. I be waiting for that day. Guess while I am still here on Earth, I wanna make as many memories as I can, keep them in my heart cos they are things that will last forever.

Grins... ok now shall go sleep. Still feeling a little giddy but it's getting better. Had been a bit giddy since late evening. Think I really should go sleep. Can't wait for school to start :D NIGHT!

Drowsy

2006-08-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

I wasted my whole afternoon by sleeping. Not that I can help it, it's cos of the stupid medicine. It made me drowsy and it is not 1 tablet that has drowsy effect but 2! I have 2 different medicine that have drowsy effect. I just ate my medicine about an hr ago. And well now though I am blogging, I am kinda spacing out at the same time, getting drowsy again. Half asleep, half awake. can't remember why I came here to blog in the first place.

I wanna change my blog... so boring but don't feel like doing it. Cos it's tedious!!! Dun like to go through all the HTML code and now it's so not the right time, wif me being drowsy and all that. Just saw my wishlist and well, one down. I did watch the sunrise! Saw it at Huay Hok and it was the best sunrise ever! I was above the clouds and I mean it literally. From where I was standing when I was watching the sunrise, the clouds were way below me and then the sun rise up bit by bit. Thw whole sky changed colour gradually and it was really mesmerising. From a reall dark blue to a rich colour of orange, red, pink and purple. It was just so amazing. I love God's creation a lot. They are so filled with beauty and God's love. That sunrise was my very first sunrise and the most beautiful of all.

Guess I really should stop here, very drowsy!!!

ZOEgirl "Give me one reason"

2006-07-31T00:10:00.000+08:00

Today during Sunday school, my class had a talk about BGR. About whether we should have a relationship with a guy (my sunday school class are all girls) who is not a christian. And guess what, had that conversation with Jit just now. What a coincidence.

For me, I will still stand on the side of having a boyfriend who is a christian and loves God. It may seem heartless to reject a guy because he is not a christian but at least still get to be friends. Not only that there won't be the problem of him becoming a christian just cos he likes me. Giving up a guy just because he is not christian is tough too but in the end, it be okay. I just find it hard to have a boyfriend who is not a christian. How can both of us support and grow spritually when he isn't a christian, when he doesn't know and love God. It is hard growing up in a half christian, half non christian family. My friend went through that and it was really tough on her. As for me, I grew up in a non christian family though I am a christian. Life is tough... I can still remember the times when I wished my parents were christians so that they can support me spritually. I very very much wanted someone to be there for me spiritually, family wise and at all times, I was alone. But I am glad that no matter how badly hurt I was (now family situation is much better), I have God. And because of this, I can't imagine myself having a bf who is not a christian.

This really remind me of a song that I love, "Give me a reason" by ZOEgirl. I guess anyone can figure out why after listening to the song and looking at the lyrics.

"Give me one reason"

Give me one reason to live without Him

Give me one reason to walk away

I know you don't understand this feeling

How can I show

That He is the reason I have to let you go

I've tried so hard to change your mind

I always thought that you'd understand the reasons why

Why I don't want to do the things that I used to do

Now that my heart and my soul belong to God and God alone

Still every night's a fight to make it through

I can't deny I'm still in love with you

But how can you expect me to

Walk with Him and give myself to you

Give me one reason to live without Him

Give me one reason to walk away

I know you don't understand this feeling

How can I show

That He is the reason I have to let you go

Boy, I still long for your embrace

But what I've found in God, oh, it could never ever be replaced

Still I pray for the chance

As you slip through my hands you'll come around

But your heart's so far away from the words I'm trying to say

Wish I could hold you both and still be true

There's only one thing left for me to do

Baby, I love you

But I can't stay with you unless you love Him too

Give me one reason to live without Him

Give me one reason to walk away

I know you don't understand this feeling

How can I show

That He is the reason I have to let you go

I've found the path that I've gotta take

No turning back, back to the old ways

Got a chance to take

Sacrifice to make

Whatever it takes I won't turn away

Give me one reason to live without Him

Give me one reason to walk away

I know you don't understand this feeling

How can I show

That He is the reason I have to let you go

Give me one reason to live without Him

Give me one reason to walk away

I know you don't understand this feeling

How can I show

That He is the reason I have to let you go

Still remember the first time I was listening to this song. We (My church frens and I) were all rehearsing for the play written by Karin Fu!!! Haha and Min said that this song is really really good and it has to be part of the play and that is how my brother ended up playing the role of Ke Xin's BF and their break up scene was really really good. Some people cried. It's really good. Miss the good old days. Now everyone is so busy with school and work. Oh well, guess this year Karin wont be writing any skit but at least we are going to have a camp for all the young kids in Sunday school. Can apply what we learn in discipleship class and I get to do logistics again. WOo Hoo... LOL I must be nuts. Really hope Joshua and Jonathan will go for the camp. Shall pray about it.

Should I?

2006-07-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

As usual, I read "My Journey" again and today scripture Hebrews 2:1 "We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away." I dunno if I actually did interpret it correctly. I guess we really have to pay close attention to what we are doing each day... If we get too caught up in things and become so busy, we probably forget about God. At least, I do. Well recently I have been thinking about things. I have a 4 day school week plus piano lessons plus the fact that I actually promised my friends I join ice skating club with them. This I don't mind actually. I am thinking if I should join a 3-module contemp dance training programme. Its 3hrs training session every Sat for 10weeks. Is it really too much for me to handle? I am just afraid that if homework and practice sessions and all that I will start to drift away from God. Guess this Bible verse is really warning me about what might happen. Guess I really have to think carefully though I know I really want it but if it is going to cause me to drift away from God. Then I shouldn't take it. Really pray that God reveals to me what the right decision is.

A life of gratitude

2006-07-27T20:58:00.000+08:00

I have started to read this daily devotional "Our Journey" and it really helps a lot. Today's entry is about a life of gratitude and true enough, active gratitude does cure self- or society-induced dissatisfaction.

I have always complaim about my family. Well many things had happened these past few years, some hurtful... well, it doesn't matters anymore i guess. Cos the important thing is that at least I still have a family. Compared to those orphans, I am so much better off. Guess it is time I pick up from where I left off... Am I making sense here? It's time I really start talking more to my parents, at least start to involve them in my life more. Really thankful to God that all these years despite all the arguments and fights, my family never did break apart though on certain occasions it almost did and I can still remember withdrawing to a corner of a room, crying and praying and wishing that God will keep my family together and that my parents will not go seperate ways. And they didn't. Thank you God.

God is one of my best friends ever. He has been with me through my hard times. My strength and comfort and shelter. Maybe it is because He is so much easier to talk to and He knows everything, He knows. God is the only one that I don't feel embarassed of ashamed breaking down and crying in front of. Maybe this is why it is so hard to share my problems with my friends because I know at some point of time, I break down in tears and I don't want them to see it. But I guess sometimes it feels good to have a shoulder to cry on.

Did I mention that I am starting piano lesson this coming August. Starting from Grade 1 though... kinda embarassing, 20 years old and only grade 1. But I guess there is nothing I can do about it. I waited for 13 years just for this, not going to let my dream go without trying. Really hope that one day I be able to write songs about God and how He helped me through it all, if I ever reached to that level. But I try, shall give it my best shot. This is the only one I got, just have to do it. Really thankful for it.

School going to be starting soon. Kinda excited and nervous at the same time. Butterflies in stomach. I just love schol so much. Guess that is cos I am finally studying something I really love. Something that I have always wanted. Without God, I won't have been able to enter and I am thankful for this. Life is getting better and better. There be ups and downs of course but with God by my side, it's ok. I really wish that my relationship with God grows closer each and every day. That's my biggest wish of all.

" Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Recently

2006-07-26T21:04:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I blogged and a lot has happened. Well... I quited my job at MOE the day before I went Genting with my god family and I thinked I really have to wached my temper cos I did lose it twice when I was there. And the thing is I don't usually lose it when I am with them. Just suddenly can't stand their slowness and stuff like that. I really need to control my temper. At least try but all in all the trip was good. I am always out with my god family but what about my family? Don't think we ever do all these things. Sigh

Anyway I managed to rush out the posters for Jing Ting's mum. I did my best and her boss loved it so that's good. After this experience, I am so sure that I dun wanna be a graphic designer. Haha... That's why I am not majoring in visual communication.

For the past few weeks, I had been preparing for my sch's camp and really thru the preparation, I met more friends from the same batch as I am and I hanged out with them a lot. I dunno why but I really love being with them. And they were speaking chinese all the time which actually I am very comfortable with that. I really liked being with them cos for the first time since I entered ADM, I can really be me... this lame, rather wild person. With my classmates, it's different. They are the more serious kind so I usually don't kid around but with Ellen they all, situation is really less stressful. Erm... but anyway really glad that I met them thru this camp!

I was Cluedo logistics head for this camp and well... Cluedo went pretty well. The sad thing aout this camp I guess will be not being able to spend time with my OG. 99% of the time I be at Nanyang House setting up the place and all that. But no matter what, I still treasured the time I spend with my new friends. Guess that is cos things will change once school reopens, everyone have their own major and timetable. We probably wont be able to see each other often. I mean look at the new ADM building, so big and yet only occupied by us year 2 which are like 100 over students and the occasional year 1. Really hope that everyone will bump into one another in school and during that time, catch up with one another. It be sad if all of us lost contact with one another.

This reminds me of one person, Hui Nan. I dunno why but it feel so weird to see her in church. Maybe cos we hardly talk nowadays. I dunno why... its like suddenly I don't dare to talk to her. Ok I dunno wad's wrong with me. We used to have a lot to talk about but now... haiz. This problem I have to settle it somehow. Speaking of this reminds me of my 2 best friends, Jing Ting and Ophe. Sigh... JT will be leaving Singapore soon for exchange this August and Ophe, she is going overseas to study. I will miss them, my 2 best fren far away from Singapore.

Frustrations

2006-07-08T00:24:00.000+08:00

So frustrated now... I wanna learn something or rather I need to learn something. Recreational piano can't learn cos can't find teachers since April, drum can't learn cos Karin not free but can't blame her she is working, dance course at Lee wei song sch of music can't learn cos not enough pupil to start a class, ice-skating can't learn cos my friends who at first decided that we should go learn as a group of 3 all back out, ballet can't learn cos it started too soon, violin/cello dunno should learn a not cos it might be too much for fingers to learn strings n piano at the same time.

Wish I known ballet or dance or sth so I can just blast the music and work out, get rid of all the tension inside me. Shall go exercise later but with all the posters I have to finish. ARGH!!! This is killing me. Shall try to rush with the drawing of posters and then it is time to exercise though by then it be like in the middle of the night but who cares... if I don't exercise, I can't go to sleep. ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH... Shall stop wasting time blogging. Off to serious hard work.

Rain

2006-06-23T02:08:00.000+08:00

It's rather late now... just past 2am. Raining outside. Love it when it rains at night. The soft pit patting of raindrops, the smell of damp air due to rain, the silence of the night. If only I can see the round moon from my bedroom window that be great. Haha... Just love it a lot. Very peaceful. Ought to go sleep now but don't feel like sleeping. Wanna chat with friends but of course they are all sleeping liao.

Jia You!

2006-06-20T17:14:00.000+08:00

I read Sarah's blog. It's really sad and I cried. I really hoped that when the day come when my parents passed away (well, everyone will meet that day, just a matter of time), they are already christians because I can't bear the thought of them dying and not knowing God and being seperated from them eternally. I love my parents but I am not close to them at all. I can't seem to be able to say a thing about Jesus to them. It is really amazing how sometimes you can speak about Jesus and all that to friends but to parents whom you are with all your life, you can't seem to say a word.

I am glad Sarah is brave. If it was me, I be depressed and be crying the whole day. To rely on God and stand up again will be tough if it was me. Treasured your friends and family while they are here because you might lose them anytime. Live life to its fullest in a way that God will like only then I guess is the best way to thank Him for this gift of life. Sarah, don't really know what to tell you except this, JIA YOU and rely on God always. He be there for you and your family always!